kakaw!

so about those herniated disks. I've been in near-constant pain for the last week, which is extending over my right hip and starting to creep its way down my legs. I realized today as I laid on the floor after work desperately trying to will this away, that I've been complaining about this sort of pain for months. at least as long as I saw my physio. not this intensely, sure, but it was this pain, in a muted way.

I'm not used to inactivity. I have been a Certified Jock since I was 13, and my stupid brain can't function without a certain amount of exercise per week. I like being a buff gym rat. but right now it's hard for me to even walk my dog without something hurting. but I need to walk, I need to move, because if I don't I will be even more incapacitated. biking seemed to be a good enough panacea until the pool opened up, but now I'm terrified I can't do even that.

when I got my appointment with the spine doctor, which is next tuesday now, I thought it would be okay to wait a few weeks. pain ebbs and flows, and I was on an upswing, at least for a little bit. but between traveling to chicago, helping my parents move their house around (because my dad's back also went out right before a huge housing project they've been waiting years to do), then driving back--

I'm in my 30s. I've been joking about back pain for years, but this fucking sucks.

oh also, my mammogram came back abnormal, so that's a fun thing to also try not to be worried about before they can rescan it, hopefully this week if not next. the next available appointment isn't until july.