RELEASE THE KRAKEN

I MISS THE HEADPHONE JACK FUCK YOU!!!!!!

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

Now that everyone who hadn't previously acknowledged Ryan Gosling's hotness and talent is getting in line, I wanna talk about an underrated quality of his which is his range. He has the range that J*hnny D*pp fans think their fave has. The number of Gosling double features you could do that would give you whiplash is crazy - imagine following The Fall Guy with Lars and the Real Girl, or Barbie with Driver. Imagine someone who'd never heard of him watching The Notebook and chasing it with The Nice Guys. They'd get whiplash. He can do out and out comedy, he can be a swoonworthy romantic lead, he can be a stoic killer who communicates everything silently or he can be Ryland Grace who's an emotional wreck that never shuts up. He can even do musicals! And what's more, he has the kind of range that's extremely difficult to achieve. In all of these roles he looks and sounds like... Ryan Gosling. Maybe his hair and clothes are different but his voice is generally the same, and he's recognisably Ryan Gosling, yet he's effortlessly embodying a character the total opposite of the last one he played. He doesn't have to spend six hours in makeup to transform into a completely different person or employ obvious actorly "tics" that win praise, he just IS that guy. He's made himself immune to typecasting. Nobody is doing it like him, I swear.

All fantasy authors wish they had a bigger bathtub in their house. You can tell by every bathing scene ever written into a fantasy novel

what if the US adopted the UK tradition of the head of government resigning in disgrace as soon as people start getting mad at them. let’s try it just once and see what happens.

we need to bring back the phrase "what business is it of yours" in a big way i'm serious

i know you can just say "none of your business" but phrasing it as a question with a jarringly formal tone is the ideal way to shoot an overfamiliar unwelcome overture dead in its tracks and force the person making it to confront the boundaries they're taking for granted + it would really piss people off which is funny

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

quietly working together on your own projects in the same room as a form of intimacy.