BLOG POST NO. 12 - WTF IS A BATMAN
If there is one thing that I have learned about the people of this city, it is the fact that literally everyone here loves to gossip. Like seriously, you see it everywhere, from people of all ages, young or old. Iām not complaining about it by any means (Iām Filipino, being a marites is kinda in my blood) but itās just a little bit jarring to be on the bus, just peacefully minding my own business, then suddenly overhear someone gossiping in the seats behind me.
Which is exactly what happened to me today on my ride to school.
The apparent topic of the day? The identity of the ever mysterious Batman.
I know, I know, the topic has been talked about so much that if you compiled all the conspiracy theories regarding this and printed it out, the amount of paper youād fill up might just be enough to reach the halfway point between the Earth and the Moon.
But regardless of how overdone this topic is, itās still a pretty interesting thing to talk about. After all, absolutely no one knows who Batman is, or if heās even a man in the first place. For all we know, the āmanā in his name might be a red herring and heās actually some eldritch alien sent from beyond the Milky Way to lull the world into a false sense of security so he can open a portal into the Dark Dimension and take over the entire world as an evil overlord.
Too much? Yeah, I think so tooā but hey, what else am I supposed to do during my Differential Equations class, actually listen to the lecture? Pssh, nahhhā my attention span is way too short to sit through an entire 3 hours of just constantly being bombarded by numbers (I am so fucked).
Anyway, back to the topic at handā Batmanās identity.
Iāve seen so many theories floating around about this, but only two in particular are that memorable for me personally. Well, three if you count the last one (weāll get to that).
The first theory was that it might be this dude named Harvey Dent (had to look him upā and man, all I can say is that Iām sorry), but uh certain events have completely debunked that. If you live in Gotham then you know exactly what Iām talking about, and if you donāt then uh go do a quick internet search, Iām too lazy to spoon feed you all the information you need (you gotta learn how to do your own research somehow).
Then thereās the whole āBatman is Bruce Wayneā thing which is like, okay, I know where theyāre going with this but at the same time Iām kinda ehh on it, you know? For one, Bruce Wayne looks too much like a personified teddy bear (I have said this once and Iāve said it again) to be the civilian identity of the literal definition of darkness and āitās not a phaseā but bat furry coded. I just donāt think the dude that flirts with women and men (istg the amount of times the tabloids just conveniently skip past thisā I know for a fact Iām not the only one whoās seen that photo of this dude grab the waist of that male reporter from the Daily Planetā I see them) every chance he gets is the same guy who puts on a bat costume (am I allowed to make another furry joke?) to beat up bad guys in the middle of the night.
So what Iām trying to get at here is that I see the point being made, and I acknowledge it, but I just feel like we need more concrete evidence, you know?
I hope to fuck that I did not just summon an entire mob to come after me for that last bit.
Anyhow, onto my final theory, which is the fact that Batman might just be a cryptid born from the shadows of Gotham herself. This connects to the whole āGotham is aliveā conspiracy that started circulating around a few years ago. I donāt know how popularized it is, but it ended up reaching me when I was browsing through some forums a couple weeks back and honestly, even if itās not true, it makes for an interesting thought. Because hey, what if cities are alive? Thatād be interesting (and is also mildly terrifying).
The basic idea of this theory is the fact that Batman, thanks to being a cryptid and all that, isnāt actually human and therefore doesnāt have a human identity. Heās just Batman. As for why Gotham made him in the form of a human, not many people really answer this question (or more like no one really bothers to ask), but hereās my thoughts: I think Gotham made Batman into a humanoid because we as humans are often more inclined to be comfortable with something if itās in the form of something familiar to us (hence, human). Like, imagine if Batman wasnāt human and was something like a massive blur of shadow and tendrilsā wouldnāt that freak you the fuck out? Regardless of whether or not it saved you, youāll still feel fucking terrified of it. But if itās someone that just looks like a dude in a costume, then doesnāt that make you a little less scared? (I say āa little lessā because letās be real, human or not, Batman excels in being terrifying)
Well, thatās all under the assumption that the whole āBatman is a Cryptidā and āGotham is Aliveā are true.
Or that Batman even exists.
Iām pretty sure he does but thereās a lot of people that are saying otherwise, so I feel like I should at least acknowledge the fact that some people think heās not real? Like, I even have classmates who say that Batman is just a tale told to kids so they donāt misbehave and stay out for too longā which, okay, thatās fair. Iāve heard my fair share of scary stories and beings throughout my childhood as well to be honestā also from adults who thought itād be a great way to keep me obedient (mostly my titos and titas, my ma and pa never really liked scaring me or my brother)
Buut, Iām going to have to disagree with those points because Iāve heard Red Hood talk to his little earpiece thing (yes, Red Hood, I know you have one, because literally every vigilante/hero in a team shouldā no, I do not care if you say youāre a crime lord, you saved me from a mugger, get over it). And you know who he called out to one time? Batman.
And okay, to be fair, Red Hood couldāve just said the name to keep convincing people that Batman is real when heās not, but honestly I donāt think Mr. Bleeding Bat Symbol over here would be that dedicated in making Gotham believe in something that isnāt real.
Do I actually care about Batman's real identity? Absolutely not. As long as the dude doesnāt bother me then I have nothing against his questionable life choices (I mean come on, what kind of life choices lead you to dressing up like a crime fighting bat?).
And also he keeps Gotham marginally safer, I guess, so thatās a win in my book.
As for the whole āWhatās Batmanās relationship with Bruce Wayne?āā I've also given it some thought.
And honestly a part of me thinks they might be exes⦠or divorced.
But thatās a ramble for another timeā I need to study for my next class.