*rewrites your canon out of spite*

Oh, man.. You have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for this question. Buckle up, I have very strong and harsh feelings about this character!

So, you know how the Monsterverse gradually became the Kongverse? Or how Stranger Things became the Will show? Yeah, imagine that, but instead of said character’s only real problem being they get too much attention compared to others, the character is also a racist piece of shit who murdered so many black families for shits and giggles that when one of the main characters confronts him for murdering his family, his response is: “Which one?”

But, don’t worry! It doesn’t end there, instead of getting a satisfying conclusion where the main character we’ve been following since season 1 gets revenge for his family.. He’s portrayed by a Supernatural actor! Look at him smoking and being nonchalant! He’s so edgy and interesting! How could they kill him?

It’s worth noting that for some odd reason, Solider Boy has a beam that can get rid of everyone else’s powers for some reason. I hate weakness abuse powers so much, but kill everything powers? Powers that are capable of solving everything? I loathe those! Mind you, he’s a Captain America expy with no relevance in the comics, it’s a dumb way to hamfist him into the top 5 strongest Supes instead of giving him a cool power.. Or hey, let him just be really fucking strong.

Season 3 is where the show started to go downhill in my opinion for 2 reasons: one being the introduction of Solider Boy, and two being the protagonist, Hughie, became an incel out of the blue and got really self conscious about his superpowered girlfriend having to save him even if he said, BEFORE THEY GOT TOGETHER, that it wasn’t a big deal! But hey, at least that’s over, at least I won’t ever have to see Solider Boy again, right? I mean, a fan favorite, one of MY FAVORITES, in Queen Maeve, made her grand exit from the show by stopping him.. So, he has to be done for, otherwise Maeve left for nothing, right?

..Right?

Wrong! After season 4 was a shitshow with an entire episode dedicated to Hughie getting raped by The Boys’ answer to Batman, and on another occasion just episodes before (or later, i’ve blocked s4 out of my memory) unknowingly having sex with a shapeshifter over 20 times. Why is this important to killing Homelander? Or anyone’s character arc? Oh wait, it isn’t! After they have Annie have an out of character moment where she blames Hughie for getting raped, after everything that shitty season had, Solider Boy is teased at the end of the season!

I should probably mention that he’s Homelander’s father and Homelander’s been keeping him in a pod since, but why is Solider Boy back? I mean, this show is about partially about how evil superheroes who think they’re untouchable get whats coming for them, so surely the racist piece of shit.. Oh wait, he’s played by Jensen Ackles, so his fangirls will swipe the characters racism under the rug and dudebros will preach that Solider Boy has hype and aura.

Fine, as long as he dies at MM’s hand! But, nope, as soon as he’s introduced in reason 5, he’s more insufferable than I remember. Every episode, he’s constantly saying crap about how he fucked a celebrity or did some other degenerate thing in the 80s because isn’t this show so raunchy and edgy? It’s so punk rock — just ignore the IDF solider who bragged about kidnapping 18 year old girls in the cast!

From episode 2 to 7, they take up anywhere between 15 to 45 minutes having Solider Boy go on some dumb shoehorned sideplot where he runs into an old friend! Like, they went to Fort Harmony to get files on V1 (the first version of Compound V, a drug used to create superheroes, from my understanding, V1 makes you reach peak physical condition snd then stop aging, which is also convientally the variant of V Solider Boy has!) and Homelander mentions a brother Solider Boy suddenly had that we never knew of until now, and the reason everyone’s pissed at eachother? Yeah, there’s this weird plant guy infused to the wall who was a real solider in WW2 (for context, Solider Boy was a wealthy rich kid who never saw a lick of combat) and someone Solider Boy knew from Dr. Vought’s trials, in the dreadful episode 5, we have a stupid Supernatural reunion!

This is the final season, I don’t watch Supernatural and don’t plan on it, why am I seeing these 40 year old problematic men who haven’t gotten work since SPN ended? Well, maybe they’ll tell us something important to the plot?

No! The only thing they did was reiterate that Bombsight, SOMEONE else from Solider Boy’s past, had the last vial of V1. In episode 6, we finally get to Bombsight, who’s convientaly showing up in the announced prequel, who hands over the V1 to Solider Boy after a dumb exchange that’s more of an ad to Vought Rising than anything. Yay.

In episode 7, Solider Boy is put into cryostasis again because Eric Kripke is in love with Jensen Ackles and can’t possibly let the racist piece of shit suffer consequences!

At least I have Gen V, I really like that show — nope, it’s cancelled! But hey, there’s always the Vought Rising spinoff I could watch with Solider Boy and Stormfront (a literal nazi) as the protagonists! To make matters worse, it looks like the villain is a black guy who was experimented on. I’ll let you deduce why that’s bad.

Not only that, but they planted this weird romance between Solider Boy and Stormfront in season 5, despite him outright saying in season 3 that he loved another woman, Crimson Countess, who outright hated his ass! It’s worth noting that Stormfront — Klara, was married and had a child with Frederick Vought, arguably the most important posthumous character because he created Compound V in the first place! It wasn’t a marriage of connivence either, because when we meet Stormfront in season 2, she looks back at her time with Frederick and their daughter, Chloe, as the happiest period of her life. When she goes into a state of shock after being defeated, she speaks to Frederick in German about how beautiful a moment with him and Chloe was. Why am I supposed to believe this relationship when both parities were in a separate one?

It doesn’t help that Frederick is also a literal nazi, so don’t feel bad for him getting cucked, but I really don’t like infidelity storylines and find it out of character for Klara to do that because she remained devoted to Frederick’s cause even years after he died.