Melancholic Cressa

The Inciting Incident

On Thursday, May 14th (last week), I received a DM from an individual who shall remain anonymous upon their request. They reported that there was a Tumblr post in which OP accused me of things without providing any evidence. They then provided the following screenshot, as OP had me blocked so I was otherwise unable to view their posts.

(Only the first paragraph and the final paragraph in the screencap will be relevant for the purposes of this post. The second paragraph goes into the grievances OP has with another user, which I won’t get into.)

On the same day, the same OP would then go on to make a Tiktok (their Tumblr username and Tiktok username are the same) with similar accusations. I will not be including the Tiktok itself in this post, as it would reveal the identity of the accuser. I will also not be including screencaps, as OP has used a watermarked speed drawing of them working on a Twst fan art for the video of their Tiktok. This is the transcript of said Tiktok:

If you know Raven at the writing desk

Aka the person who makes character analysis of the [Twst characters]

she’s a pretty popular person on Tumblr

Content Warning: mentions of r-pe.

I’m just letting you know that she wrote CNC / R-pe about Epel X Vil/Rook sm-t

And made a weird sm-t fic between Malleus, Yuu and Sebek.

Since I was going through her stuff because I liked it at the time and stumbled upon that Pomefiore sm-t fic

And it was Epel being forced to do something.

Anyways just wanted to let you know, bye

If one were to look at the comments sections and shares on the Tumblr post and Tiktok, most, if not all, comments are blindly believing OP’s claims even though OP fails to provide any kind of proof and is vague in their statements. For example, in the Tiktok, they describe a Malleus, Yuu, and Sebek smut fic as “weird” without describing what was actually “weird” about it. At various points in their replies to comments, OP firmly repeats their claims several times over and also continues to make vague claims such as “it was a while ago” and “it’s probably difficult to find [proof]”.

More recently, on May 19th (this week), OP made and publicly posted this document, which they themselves refer to as a “callout” in the title of the document. To summarize, the (new) claims made in it are the following:

“She is a predator”

“The non-con Epel fic still exists”

“She has been weird surrounding Leona and Jade”

“The messages in her Discord server are either deleted or gone”

“She talks about shirtless dudes”

“[She] referred to herself as ‘Eel thot’”

“She has allowed a bunch of minors in )where she talked about NSFW and has ‘Eel thot’ as her tag [...] and a member as young as 13”

OP then goes on to include screencaps to prove their points. Many pages in the document are made of up images like the following in an effort to prove a history of writing “weirder fics”. If you check OP’s document now, these have been removed:

That's the most up-to-date on the on-going situation, although I am informed OP is continuing to post Tiktoks with even more false claims in them, such as “there’s no NSFW channel in [my] Discord server”. They are also editing their Google Doc callout. It's impossible for me to keep updating based on the rate at which they are churning these out and changing their current posts, so I'm going to primarily sick to talking about the original versions of the first 3 posts.

Now that you understand what the accusations are, I hope that you’ll allow me the space and time to address them.

The Primary Offending Posts

There’s two key accusations being made; I’ll address them one at a time, then get to the others.

“She wrote CNC / rape Epel x Vil/Rook smut”; “And it was Epel being forced to do something”

I believe this is the post OP is referencing. In case you don’t feel comfortable reading the contents, the summary is that I did NOT write what OP is claiming I did. If you reference the post, it is an anonymous user who shared their own thoughts about Azul x Tweels and Vil x Rook. Their final comment in the ask speaks to Vil possibly “seek[ing] Epel” and “forcing [Epel] to please [Vil]” while Rook watches. The only comment I made back was that I wish I was in Azul or Vil’s place, only because I had an interest in Jade and Rook at the time, as they were my favorite characters. It isn’t really conveyed clearly in the single post, but I tend to use strikeout font when I’m trying to be lighthearted or to shift the conversation topic to something else if I find the initial topic uncomfortable. I even comment at the end of my reply that the fandom can be out of control with their horniness at times.

OP simultaneously accuses me of writing both CNC (consensual non-consent) and rape, which are just not equivalent. CNC is defined by there being consent given, whereas there is no consent at all involved in rape. The two are mutually exclusive, but OP seems to be confusing them as synonyms.

OP states that “the non-con Epel fic still exists”, as if that is meant to be proof of something. I have almost 11k posts on this blog, and this post is from 5 (almost 6) years ago; I do not regularly go back to prune old posts, and nor do I promote my old materials. I also just generally do not believe in deleting posts, as I value transparency. That means leaving things up, even if they’re embarrassing or no longer reflect who I am.

And what would have happened if I had deleted the post anyway? I feel like OP would still point to the deleted post and claim, “See? It’s gone now, so that’s proof that she’s guilty”. The goalposts would keep shifting. (Ironically, OP does claim that there are supposedly “weird” deleted Discord messages, so I think my suspicion is not unfounded.)

“[she] made a weird smut fic between Malleus, Yuu, and Sebek”

I believe this is the post OP is referencing this time. In it, an anonymous user talks about a scenario where Malleus takes Sebek’s partner in his bed and Sebek watches. There’s a drabble as a response, which I did write, taking anon’s idea as inspiration. Looking back on it now, it’s…  not my best work, and I can’t say I’m “proud” of this piece.

I may be failing to see something here, but what is "weird" about this? From my understanding, cucking is a fairly common kink. I understand that it’s not necessarily something everyone likes, approves of, or seeks out, but no one is forcing you to consume it. This is why tags exist, so people can filter out what they dislike and don’t wish to be exposed to.

By the way, OP admits to making NSFW (or at the very least, suggestive content) themselves:

The Timing of it

If you haven’t noticed by now, both of the offending posts linked above are from over 5 years ago. In fact, the majority of my explicit content originates from around that time period. By August of 2021 (maybe sooner, I’m not entirely sure myself), I had stopped writing NSFW entirely. One of OP’s screencaps even confirms this (it's a post of someone asking for certain posts to have an additional tag):

I also want to point out that most, if not all, of the screencaps of the "weird" stuff from the past don't even show my own responses; asks generally tend to lead with the ASKER'S words, not the BLOG OWNER'S words. I believe posts lead with the blog owner's words if they are not responding to any ask but rather making an original post.

If you look under the NSFW tag on my blog (#writing desk after dark), you can also confirm that my most recent posts (I’d say within the last 3-4 years?) are relatively tame. Suggestive at best, but nothing explicit and certainly no smut. I believe OP entirely misrepresented me by bolding “November 2024” in their document, most likely to imply the explicit NSFW was being written much more recently when that’s simply not the case.

This gets a little personal, but please bear with me for a second. The reason why I stopped doing NSFW content was because I realized (after a while of replying to asks of that nature) that I was extremely uncomfortable and had to force myself to get through them. This was actually how I discovered that I’m asexual (ie I experience little to no sexual attraction). ~5ish years ago, I hadn’t had my sexual identity sorted out, but felt pressured to conform to allosexual (ie “regular” sexual attraction) norms, because that’s what society expects and demands of you. 

If you know an asexual person yourself or even read up about them, it’s VERY common for aces to feel “broken” or “like they don’t belong” in societies built around sex being appealing. They may try to act “normal” in an effort to fit in, only to find themselves repulsed and/or struggling with the act of “normalcy”. This was my own experience as well, so I shut down my efforts to be allosexual.

I’m aware that this isn’t something I can “prove”, since sexuality is something you can’t really… see? But again, I urge you to look at the NSFW tag or even #tw // suggestive tag on my blog. There is a documented history of me, especially in the past few years, acting cagey around subjects such as sex and even characters being in a state of undress. I usually try to change the subject, make it lighthearted, shift it to a more objective scientific standpoint, or even ask my audience to please not get into the details.

I don’t know about you, but 5 years ago is a long time for anyone, and a lot can change in that period. Think about what you were like 5 years ago, or what you may be like 5 years from now. Chances are, it’s going to be drastically different, right? So I don’t think it’s entirely fair to judge someone–anyone–on the things they did and said from back then (unless, of course, said person has shown you that they haven’t changed at all).

“She has been weird surrounding Leona and Jade” / “She talks about shirtless dudes”

“Weird” is such a vague descriptor that I cannot properly counter their points because there isn’t anything specific being brought up. If OP is referring to me being passionate about the characters, then… yes? Wouldn’t anyone be excited when they’re talking about their favorite characters? And as I mentioned in the previous section, I have demonstrated discomfort around sexualizing the characters in recent years, even Leona, who is on the older side of the main cast and often gets sexualized by the fandom anyway (which I wholeheartedly disagree with; his character is genuinely really interesting and I’ve made it no secret that I enjoy his writing outside of book 2).

It is true that there was discussion of the Twst characters in the blog Discord server, but not exactly shirtless? I recall there was a conversation over which outfit and character was showing the most exposed chest (which is, in of itself, not necessarily NSFW; guys have exposed chests for various reasons and settings, like the beach). One server member sillily suggested that they use math to solve the matter, so there ended up being a scientific bend to it. The results of their calculations can be viewed here. This was done out of curiosity, not thirst. (Keep in mind, this isn’t a common or everyday subject; this was a topic that came up because many of the server members were surprised at how much skin Vil was exposing in his Cozy Clothes card, because typically he’s dressed in a more conservative way.)

P.S. I would include screencaps of the conversation(s) we had, but there were various people involved and with the situation blowing up as it currently is, I want to get this out and address the allegations ASAP rather than wait on everyone to give me their blessings to proceed with screenshotting their messages.

Anyway, if we’re going after people for talking about shirtless boys then many, MANY in the Twst fandom would be guilty of this.

The Discord Server

While I cannot disprove a negative (ie the supposedly “deleted”/”gone” messages), there’s so many misrepresentations in this part that it damages the credibility of the first claim.

It’s true that minors are allowed in the server and that there is a NSFW channel called "writing-desk-after-dark". I don’t even think we started off with a NSFW channel; it was added by popular demand since server members wanted a space dedicated to it, and we of course didn’t just allow anyone in. If someone tries to talk about anything remotely NSFW outside of the appropriate channel, it is quickly shut down or at least redirected to the correct place for it. If you say you’re a minor in your introductory profile (or don’t give one at all), then you aren’t granted access to the NSFW channel by default; it is locked and I don’t think you can even see it.

To access the NSFW channel, you need a specific 18+ only role assigned to you by a mod, that being the “Eel Thot” role. (This is why you see the tag on my profile, because I, as a mod, wanted to demonstrate the ‘right’ way of going about getting access to the 18+ channel.) The name comes from a portmanteau of “eel + thought”, and while the phrase was used a few times in the early days to tease one another, it quickly stopped and we don’t use it anymore. I believe it was phased out around the same time I stopped writing NSFW things due to discomfort.

We have similar locked channels to contain content that may not be palatable to minors or even adults who want to avoid certain topics. These include roles like “Yanny” for yandere content and “Angst Juice Drinker” for angst, which you will also see in the screenshotted post of my Discord account. These are also roles you have to specifically request to receive.

For what it's worth, the server has always had a rule which bans content involving pedophilia, incest, and rape. Admittedly, this is 1 out of 10 rules in a single message, but the other 9 rules aren't relevant. I also want to point out that the message which states the rules is edited, but only to correct for grammar and spelling and/or to add new rules. (Rule 10 states that mods can update and/or revise the rules.)

White Woman

This is honestly the least of my concerns amid the other accusations, but I find it very strange that OP describes me as a “white woman”. I’m not sure where they got that idea in their heads from. If I am being considerably less charitable, I can only assume their wording implies OP themselves is non-white and is relying on the “white woman oppressing people of color” narrative in order to more easily vilify me.

Sorry to burst OP’s bubble, but I am not, in fact, white. I’m actually a woman of color and am considered a minority in my country of residence. I don’t feel that this is something I need to “prove”, because anyone that has known me for a while would pick up on it. I have, for example, alluded to my non-whiteness in posts such as (towards the end of) this analysis.

To be clear, I'm not stating my non-whiteness as proof of innocence or to exonerate myself, but rather to point out how ridiculous OP's claims are.

Trauma and Content = Character

I do not mean to talk down to or demean OP’s experiences with sexual trauma. I have unfortunately been a victim myself, so I know what it’s like. The betrayal, the sorrow, the guilt, the rage, the shame, the distrust, the struggle to return to a sense of “normalcy”. All of it. It’s awful, it fucks with your sense of safety, and I would never wish it upon even my worst enemy. I say this not to compete in some imaginary pity Olympics, but so I can say I sympathize with OP in this regard. Nothing that I say in this post or beyond is meant to invalidate OP’s experiences. They are, and always will be, the truth.

OP is right to be offended by the material they came across. They are allowed to be uncomfortable with whatever subjects they wish and to avoid them. (Admittedly, I wish I had a better and more specific tagging system in place from early on to avoid this.) Everyone is allowed to make these decisions for themselves, and I will never fault anyone for setting their own boundaries. Heck, I’ve become increasingly comfortable with being stern and telling off people who break my blog rules and make me uncomfortable with the subjects they pitch–but I don’t think anyone should use their trauma to inflict more hurt onto others, even if that hurt is of a different kind than what we experienced ourselves.

Is that not a core theme of Twst too? That even though we’re personally hurting, it’s not justification to go out there and make others hurt as well. If the media we produce and/or consume is supposed to accurately reflect the character of the person making and/or consuming it, then why does it seem like this lesson wasn’t taken to heart here? 

This is like saying playing violent video games makes those that play violent, even though the vast majority of those that do are not so + the literature on this has never definitively indicated this is the case. If content consumed/made reflects you, does that make all horror movie staff and/or watchers serial killers? Does that make all violent video game devs and/or players dangers to society? Let’s make it more specific to Twst. If your favorite character is Riddle, does that mean you also have explosive fits of rage? If you like Vil, Leona, or any character that attempted murder, does that make you an attempted murderer? The Twst devs wrote and made assets for all the cards and the main story. Does that mean everything that transpires in Twst is approved of by the devs? Why is it only the sexual content that suddenly becomes an accepted indicator of one’s morality or character? This just feels like cherry-picking and hypocrisy to me.

“For anyone who’s not into that kind of stuff and wanna let others know”; “Anyways just wanted to let you know, bye”

I can’t claim to know what OP was thinking or feeling before posting what they did, but their actions don’t read to me as wanting to do a favor for the fandom. They read as intentionally malicious.

Why else would they make a Tumblr post about me, and then continue their crusade on Tiktok when their initial Tumblr post didn’t get the traction they wanted? Why else would they be liking comments speaking ill of me and asking to be given more information about the bad things I supposedly did or said? Why else would they make a whole Google Document slandering me? Why would they wait over 5 years to say something if they’re so concerned about my behavior? Why else would OP continue to make these false allegations on Tiktok, where their views go seemingly unchallenged? Why else would they throw around the word PREDATOR so lightly?

Words have meaning, and by casually throwing them around like this, OP is casting real child predators in a black and white light and diminishing what it means to actually be one. They’re implying it’s “easy” to spot them (as easy as pointing out everyday rudeness, since they mixed their initial claim with a claim of an act of rudeness committed towards OP). This actually makes it much more difficult to identify real predators because the label is already being applied to anyone you personally don’t like. If you call anything that’s red an apple, then apples lose their true identity and blend into a sea of “apples” (anything red). It becomes all the harder to spot a real apple.

I also find it highly suspect that OP claims it is “difficult” to find proof, yet they seemingly made no effort to locate said proof. It’s very easy to go under the NSFW tag on my blog and CTRL + F ing to search by key word. They seemingly did not do this and instead did the bare minimum when it comes to finding evidence, not even bothering to link back to the two offending posts, which I had to do myself. In fact, I believe OP intentionally and repeatedly uses vague terms like “weird” and links to the general NSFW tag instead of specific posts so that others can fill in the blanks and project their own perceived problems onto whatever they stumble across.

It feels like this was all done in an attempt to attack me out of spite, rather than out of pure concern for others. I think that OP never liked me or came to strongly dislike me at some point and felt they needed a “big” reason to justify their stance, even if that meant making things up.

To be clear, I don’t care one way or another if anyone dislikes me or my content. I would like to think I try my best to be an advocate for free (but critical) thinking and variety in thought, so I would never want to suppress an opinion that differs from mine. However, that doesn’t mean it gives them or anyone else the right to make whatever baseless accusations they want.

I’d like to now take the time to address some common questions I feel may pop up, even after reading everything above. Some information is repeated to make sure it gets across + to target readers who skimmed.

FAQ

“Why did you make this public? Why not settle it privately with OP?”

Technically, OP made it public by naming me and attaching the allegations to my name. OP preemptively blocked me and then moved to spread their rhetoric on Tiktok (I don’t have an account), so I wasn’t even able to see their post until skeptical followers reported it to me. Additionally, I don’t believe it is appropriate for someone who was blocked to still approach and try to initiate contact with the blocker, as that can put the blocker’s mental health and sense of safety at risk. Blocking is a means of imposing personal boundaries, and I always want to respect that.

Even had I approached OP in private somehow, this would not magically correct the misinformation they already spread about me. It also does not guarantee OP would go out there and spread the truth once they learned it. It would actually give OP power over the narrative and control of how much of it goes out. I therefore thought it would be better if you heard my side of the story directly from me.

“Why didn’t you respond sooner?”

1) Because I have a life outside of this blog and I was busy living it,

2) It takes time to gather evidence,

and 3) I’m not an impulsive person, so I know how to temper my emotions and think through what I say and do before I proceed to actually act on them. If I had replied right away, my response may not have been as articulate or might have been lacking evidence.

“Why are your offensive posts still up now if you say you’re not proud of them and they don’t reflect you in the present? Why don’t you delete them?”

I leave my old posts up (even if I think they are no longer an accurate reflection of my opinions or skills as a writer) because it’s important to me to have a record of how I started, where I came from, and how far I have come now. I think people who frequent this blog also have that right. It’s not even specifically about the content I put out, but it’s also nice to see how I’ve gone from simple and shy one-sentence responses to much lengthier posts with more of my personality incorporated into them. The posts show how I have progressed as a person through the years.

I also think this is a “doomed if I do, doomed if I don’t” situation. What would have happened if I deleted the offending posts? Then I would have been accused of “getting rid of evidence” and I still would have been deemed guilty. But if I don’t delete anything, then I get the same label anyway. I wouldn’t win no matter what I do.

“How can we believe the claims you made about your sexuality and change of heart without proof?”

It’s very hard to prove something you cannot see (unlike the posts, which you can see). I’m also not about to pull more people into this mess by asking others to be character witnesses. If they choose to, that’s entirely their prerogative. If they choose not to, then I don’t blame them because I understand wanting to keep to myself and my own space.

I admit that there’s no real way to prove my claims about who I am as a person; I can only hope that you are able to tell my shift in character through the posts I have made these past years.

“So… what now?”

Ideally, I’d like to move on from this after clearing the air. I realize that people may still have things to say or ask on the matter, but I don’t want my blog to be overtaken by constantly addressing follow-ups. It took a huge emotional and mental toll on me to write the rebuttal post you’re currently reading, and I honestly don’t know if I have it in me to continue this via a string of sequel asks. I had to expose what I consider to be deeply personal information about myself (my sexuality, my experience with sexual assault) and, as a normally very private person, that was and continues to be very stressful.

I will be stepping away from the blog until at least the end of May to early June. To be clear, I am NOT running away or intentionally avoiding the situation. The break is because the timing of the accusations happens to overlap with something I’ve been planning for several weeks with irl friends, and this has cast a dark cloud over that. I want to focus on giving my attention to those events and those relationships, because they are very important to me.

For complete transparency, I will be pinning this post in my absence so anyone that comes across my blog can see it, read it, and judge for themselves how they want to proceed, if at all. I will also be leaving the inbox open with anonymous asks off for my own peace of mind. If you are being hateful then I’ll just block, as I am not obligated to respond or project that same hatred into the world. If you dislike me and/or my content so much, then do not force yourself to engage with them. There are better things you could be doing with your time and energy.