* KNOW HOPE.

      a  stutter.  that ‘ s  what  it  feels  like  in  the  brief  moments  of  silence  between  them  before  blake  is  uttering  out  a  small   ,   barely  audible  ‘  yeah  ‘  accompanied  by  a  nod  to  match.  she  stops  staring  at  little  red   ,   back  to  the  vast  array  of  buildings  before  them   ,   ears  flat  atop  ebon  crown   &.   expressionism  anything  but  bright.  a  younger   &.   less  mature  blake  surely  would  have  ran  at  this  rate   ,   too  overrun  with  her  own  blights  to  properly  process   &.   function  the  act  of  kindness  from  her  dear  leader   ,   but  now  she  won ‘ t.  she  refuses.  even  when  ruby  knows  blake  well  enough  by  now  to  understand  when  something  is  off   &.   the  shadows  dancing  ‘ round  bakeneko  are  more  dense  than  normal.  she ‘ s  never  given  up  on  her.  those  glistening  silver  eyes  only  had  to  look  into  blake ‘ s  soul  once  for  shadowess  to  trust  her  completely   ,   no  matter  how  heavy  the  burden  weighing  ‘ pon  her  chest  much  like  a  ton  of  suffocating  bricks.   ruby  is  …  persistent.  in  the  best  way.  she ‘ s  hope  through  the  times  that  would  otherwise  be  seen  as  impossible.  maybe  that ‘ s  why  blake ‘ s  always  been  so  drawn  to  her.  belladonna  buries  her  face  in  the  crook  of  elbows   &.   her  hands  just  barely  ball  into  fists.   she  can ‘ t  stay  quiet  forever.   ❝ if  i  knew  you  ‘  d  be  joining  me   ,   i  would ‘ ve  brought  my  coat  for  you.  argus  is  colder  than  i  expected. ❞  light  hearted  jest   ,   clearing  of  throat  before  blake  ultimately  sighs   &.   averts  stare  from  ruby  once  more.

      ❝ …  you  didn ‘ t  have  to  save  me  back  there. ❞  she  says  suddenly.  abruptly.  could  it  be  the  exhaustion  driving  her  to  say  such  blasphemous  things   ?   things  that  completely  go  against  ruby ‘ s  moral  compass   &.   desire  to  protect  no  matter  the  cost.  blake  knows  little  red  would  do  it  again  if  she  had  to   ,   but  gods.  nightshade  may  never  be  able  to  not  shudder  when  she  remembers  that  blood  curdling  scream  of  her  name.  unholy   ,   anxiety  inducing   ,   heart  stopping.  she  burrows  visage  more  into  arm  so  words  are  only  slightly  muffled  when  they  flee  the  graveyard  of  a  mouth.  i ‘ m  tired …  so  tired.   ❝ i ‘ ve  done  terrible  things  in  my  life   ,   ruby   , ❞   unforgivable  things.   ❝ i  might ‘ ve  deserved  it. ❞   does  the  apathy  still  have  such  a  crushing  grip  on  blake ‘ s  soul   ?   she  doesn ‘ t  feel  numb   ,   but  the  way  she  speaks  would  say  otherwise.  either  way  she  knows  ruby  won ‘ t  take  it  lightly   &.   she  mentally  mulls  over  every  comeback  possible  to  somehow  justify   &.   combat  worry  for  basically  saying   ‘   you  should  have  left  me  behind.   ‘

argus is colder than she expected, huh? even clad in only her pajamas, ruby never goes far without the cloak fastened to her throat, its dulled threads now worn and tattered and missing all the bright luster of their school memories. kind of like her in a way, she thinks. but... maybe like her, its torn edges and broken seams are remnants of something greater. battles fought. battles won. 

she’d been through so much since the last time they’d seen each other, hadn’t she? they both had. 

ruby’s cloak settles around blake’s shoulders now instead. it might not do much at this point against the chill, but... little wolf gives her a toothy, crooked grin anyways, and hopefully there’s warmth enough in that instead. 

the grin fades. 

for a long moment, the silence broken only by the rushing in her ears, ruby’s not even sure what she’d just heard. she’s not sure she can believe what she’d just heard. because... there’s no way blake could ever be suggesting... no, she can’t. she...understands, right? 

a harsh, dry swallow. ruby finger’s close around the edge of the railing, and though she’s sure she must be standing stone-still, she can’t help but feel as if her mind plays tricks on her with a glimpse of her hands shaking. 

( blake has to understand...that they need her.) 

“you didn’t...” she starts to say, but she clenches her jaw tight for one, two, three beats when she feels her voice begin to waver. a sharp breath is sucked in. and when it’s released, she wants to pretend her battering fears are released along with it. steadier now. “blake, c’mon, you didn’t... nobody deserves that. especially not you.” 

is this why she’s out here? in the cold? alone? is it truly because she needs the time to think, or is it because she felt like she didn’t deserve this either? deserve them? 

no matter how hard ruby tries to push down the fear, she can’t quite smother this one, and a careful hand finds its way to blake’s shoulder. silver eyes try to meet hers desperately, searchingly. 

      but  grief  makes  the  heart  burst  at  the  seams.  perhaps  that  is  the  reason  why  blake  isolates  herself   ,   finds  solace  on  the  cotta  -  arc  balcony  on  a  night  where  not  a  single  star  twinkles  in  the  vast  night  sky.  she  has  nothing  to  look  up  at   ,   nothing  to  ponder  plagued  thoughts  at   ,   only  able  to  focus  on  the  dilapidated  state  of  her  mind   &.   the  cold  breeze  biting  at  shoulders.  despite  being  far  away  from  that  gods  forsaken  piece  of  farmland   ,   blake  still  feels  shivers  down  her  spine  when  she  thinks  back  on  how  close  she  was  to  death.  not  being  able  to  move  nor  think  properly  in  the  wake  of  crippling  apathy   &.   the  soul  rendering  claws  that  came  with  them.  is  that  …  how  her  victims  felt  in  the  white  fang  before  gambol  shroud  stole  the  light  from  their  eyes   ?   they  didn ‘ t  have  the  luxury  of  being  saved  from  the  embodiment  of  valour   ,   brought  to  safety  by  a  courageous  rose   &.   her  protective  thorns.  ugh.  huff  comes  from  nightshade  as  frame  leans  across  the  rail   ,  ears  perking   &.   frame  swiveling  as  familiar  footsteps  trot  their  way  to  this  tired  soul  like  a  moth  to  flame.   ❝ oh   ,   ruby  — ❞  says  blake  on  a  relieved  breath.   ❝ i ‘ m  sorry  ,   i  just  …  needed  some  air.  you  can  go  back  to  sleep  if  you  want. ❞

your  light  is  a  star  of  its  own   ,   @crescentreap​.

maybe she’s finally made peace with the stars above and the idea that blake won’t disappear out of the corner of her eye like a phantom shadow dissipating with the sun’s first rays. or maybe... she’s simply too exhausted to worry anymore about every frightening possibility that could come their way, not when there are now simply too many to even count. maybe it’s a bit of both. 

but regardless, ruby still approaches. 

her footsteps are near silent in the dead of night, and yet of course, blake still hears. it only makes a tired, gentle smile bloom, edges lopsided and imperfect — and brief. ever so brief. because it doesn’t take more than a few moments for ruby to read the weight behind blake’s tone, to see the exhaustion in mismatched eyes. 

a better leader would know just what to say right now, wouldn’t they?

but unfortunately, blake only has her. 

(blake will always have her.)

lungs

@fateforsaked​ said: “ we talk about survival like it’s a thing that makes you stronger. ” (from Adora!)

“the people we lost...” 

listen now, adora — for the locks unlatching in her chest, one by one by one, until the long-buried words untwist themselves and stretch their cracked spines in the daylight. 

she won’t say it twice. 

it’s a miracle she’ll say it once. 

but for you, for the people depending on you, she'll do what she has to. she always will. she always has.  

“we didn’t lose them because they weren’t strong enough. and we aren’t stronger because we’re the ones left behind.” 

a chilled breeze flits through her hair, a shiver is stifled on the back of her neck. and silver eyes remain closed. 

@multihearted​ said: " do you ever find yourself nostalgic for the life you never got to have? " ( & from blake! )

a life she never got to have? 

ruby doesn’t meet her eyes. instead, she thinks then of so many things. of four poster bunks and four familiar walls and four young girls who didn’t know what laid ahead of them. four girls who’d thought they would have all the time in the world to be together and all the time in the world to figure out who they wanted to be before the world would demand they be them.

who would they have been if they’d had that — if they’d simply had more time? 

she’s not sure she’ll ever know. 

and she’s not sure she was ever meant to. 

‘ those born with silver eyes are destined to lead the life of a warrior. ’

the fire, the pain, the uncertainty of living every day like one wrong move would make it her last. ruby doesn’t remember how to live any other way anymore. and while she’s still not sure whether she believes in destiny, whether she could ever put her faith into a force that seemed so needlessly cruel, the thought of it is comforting in a way. 

if this is her destiny, then this means this life was always there waiting for her. and if it was always there waiting for her, then that means... there’s no choice she could’ve made that would have saved them all from this. and no mistake that she had made that had doomed them all to this, either. 

( absolution. that’s what it means. the only way she knows how to live with the life she has, for better or for worse. )

“i dunno,” ruby says finally. a small shrug of her shoulders as she tilts her head, looking into the distance. “when i think about being anywhere else... it just makes me think about all the people that’re depending on us to be here.” 

warrior child smiles. 

“i always knew when i wanted to grow up, i wanted to fight for what’s right and protect the people who couldn’t protect themselves.” she closes her eyes. “so i think that maybe... even if i’d had a choice... this is what i would’ve always chosen.”

@kintsgi​ said: rests her head on ruby’s shoulder. she’s sleepy.

pffft, how many days in a row has blake napped through the morning briefing? 

there’s just a small smile as ruby continues to flip through the plans on her scroll, following along with both the presentation and her own scattered notes with diligent concentration. now, however, she does so with her every movement careful and slow — two ideas the little petal certainly is not, all for the panther to have a safe, comfy place to close her eyes. 

( a sanctuary, a rock, a guiding light home. that’s all ruby’s ever wanted to be for blake. for everyone. )

out of the corner of her eye, she finally steals a peek at her, taking advantage of blake’s closed eyes to let her own linger on the bridge of her nose and the curve of her jaw. 

she’s never really thought much about how pretty blake is, because that’s just always been a fact of life everyone’s in agreement with. but weirdly enough, she’s found herself thinking about it quite a bit lately. even weirder, it’s been almost distracting on occasion — like when she’d have the blade of her scythe buried in a sabyr yet she’s noticing how the light catches blake’s hair just right in the moment so that it gleams with a hint of purple. or when—

“—to route delta, we’ll need a team of two for an escort—”