CK

this is EVERYTHING

I have never seen a more perfect post for my blog that I didn't make myself

I do not know who you are, markrosewater. I see you on my dash every day and I scroll past you. PLEASE politely excuse yourself or so help me I will eat the ceramic tile floor from my best friend's restroom.

He's a lead designer for Magic The Gathering. Either you need to say not interested more or you have been looking up card games

A slime might say "goop morning"

And then it reads the morning oozepaper

Of course, that's only if you see one in public. They only frequent diners where they truly gel

I dunno. They clearly command a large fleet of pirates, so surely they could be chucked by one of their cannons.

You misunderstand my dear friend. The commander of the fleet does not get chucked by the cannons, they do the chucking.

YOU GET A PORN BOT AND YOU GET A PORN BOT WE ARE FUCKING SURROUNDED BY PORN BOTS

I used to purge them but the blog has grown too big, I frequently wonder how many of my followers are porn bots

Nah you’re good, I’m like 98% sure you’re not a pornbot, jury’s still out on android though

giving me an idea. mournbot. leave a comment somewhere and a bot replies to you with a funeral date.

Would it be funnier if the bot rolls a random future date and attributes it to the person it's replying to, or if it's historical obituaries?

The Anti-Fishmael?

living in a world where any person whos funny on the internet can become a microcelebrity is fascinating because on the one hand it means we've got all these streamers and youtubers and indie creators with no PR team or training who quite understandably dont handle that level of attention with grace sometimes, especially if they got launched to fame as a literal teenager. on the other hand i think some fans become TOO aware of that and start going "cmonnn theyre just a little guy you cant hold them to Standards" and im like. well thats still a human person who is making a substanial living as a public figure while being an asshole. theyve been an asshole for years. at some point it feels like this guy is getting paid to be an asshole.

I think it's all a matter of scale. One's mistakes are directly proportional to the attention they pull. The more influence you have, the more responsibility you shoulder. The "Just a Little Guy" pass expires around 100k subscribers.

The funniest part of contemporary american christianity is definitely the "my disney-focused travel agency is actually a ministry" part. You are not serving god you are serving the mouse

Something something "no false idols" or whatever

Sweet! New [miouse] door!