***

when is it my turn to be rehabilitated in captivity and released into the wild

My body is already an inhospitable environment, there’s no way a friggin baby would be able to survive in it

Also babies can’t even fight, how would they fare in battle against my inner demons?

sand tiger sharks

on it, boss lady

me at a gathering of toxic German moms: the weibs in here are rancid dude

every time you make art of any kind, a stat that is not visible to the player goes up. also, this is the most important stat in the game

does singing in the shower count as art

does a strong as fuck ice mummy have ice powers

I was debating pre- and post- smartphone existentialism with an older gentleman today and he stopped part way through and said “Why are you a security guard? Why aren’t you teaching this at some college somewhere?” And I didn’t know what to say so I went with “Well I used to make art but nobody pays an artist”

I want to invoke thought and wonder and introspection and encourage the passions of every soul I meet forever and ever and dig until I find the glorious potential for creation and experience and joy in every single one but unfortunately I must pay rent and so I stand, a meat shield, an NPC with unlockable dialogue

#capitalism brain tells you that anyone interesting must fight to the top of their interest#and precludes the possibility of everyone everyone everyone already being interesting

honestly sometimes there's no better feeling than rereading a fic you've written and coming out of it going, "yeah that actually this DOES slap. exactly what i wanted to read. fucking nailed it."

I’m not avoiding my destiny I just had to lie down

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

is anyone else their father’s female son

one thing I haven't gotten critiqued on yet but that I can see looming on the horizon, is that I really like to have main characters who are non-human and autistic-coded. and I've seen the conversations about how it's not actually all that validating to have "autistic rep" if the character in question is just an alien or a robot or whatever, and I actually do agree with that (for real!), but unfortunately I want to be a creature so so bad, I just really really want to be a creature. or like a little gnome or bug or something. so a good number of my autistic self inserts will just be awful fuck ass creatures and I apologize for that.

one more day til the stop sign

Everyone get up it’s stop sign day

Stop sign day

STOP SIGN DAY

Official stop sign day

Official stop sign day

Official stop sign day

I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever

The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late

For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral