(Since this is my pinned, let me add: if you know what my main is, no you don't! No, you don't need to "warn" people about this blog, mind your fucking business!)
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The last month of the last year of high school has finally come and Remus can not wait to get the fuck out of here.
He may just skip out early at lunch and never come back.
Sighing he closes his locker, he knows he won’t do that, he would never leave Rosie alone in this shit hole with all the ass-face fuckers out there trying to get in her pants all the time.
He thunks back on his locker to wait for his sister -who is late- and mutters to himself, “I know she’s hot but she’s better than all of these bitches.”
“Ooh who’s hot?” the school gossip of which Remus doesn’t care to remember the name of says.
“Rosie” he simply answers.
“Eww you think your sister is hot?” the gossips friend sneers.
He slowly looks at her with a blank face, “uh yeah anyone with eyes can see that she’s smokin’ okay?”
“Gross, Remus that’s incest.”
He rolls his eyes, “don’t take it like that it’s not an incestuous thing, when your mom says you’re beautiful does that mean she want’s to fuck you? besides-” he windmills his wrist around “-I’m way super gay.”
The gossip hums, “he’s got a point” she hurriedly looks around then leans in conspiratorially to Remus, “I heard a little secret.”
Remus raises an eyebrow at her, this should be entertaining.
“I heard that the guy who always gets the leading roles in all the plays is going to ask Rosie out.”
With no answer to that Remus flings himself off his locker to beeline right to his sisters and stops dead in his tracks as he watches that fuck boy lean next to his twin with that false smile of his.
He makes eye contact with the douche as said douche leans closer to Rosie and bristles.
He knows his sister, she’s a hopeless romantic always looking for the perfect one for her, but she’s not stupid.
Well not anymore, she grew out of her boy crazy phase and is more critical about who she sets her eyes on now.
Did she have a crush on this guy before? yeah sure but that was like ninth grade shit before this guy got his playboy reputation.
Remus wants so much to pull her from this guys presence, instead he just stands there and watches.
He trusts her, he may not trust Fuck Lead McGee but he won’t interfere unless she absolutely needs him to.
Rosie smiles politely saying something that cracks the smug smile from from the guy- Remus smiles at that, yeah that’s right fucker get out of here.
Whatever Rosie said didn’t seem to sink in to this guys thick skull cause he leans ever closer to her, she stiffens leaning a little away from him and her hair swishes as she shakes her head, he laughs a little bitterly as he grabs her wrist.
Okay time to intervene Remus decides.
“Hey Dick Fingers” he shouts jauntily getting basically everyone's attention, some people keep their eyes on him and some don’t when they realize it’s Remus who yelled while he skips his way towards them.
Remus glances at Rosie as she turns to his shout, she visibly relaxes when she sees him coming.
“Take your cocky hand off of my sister before I take it from you” despite the words sounding harsh his tone is as light and jovial as always.
“Don’t you see we’re having a conversation? have you no manners?” the guy doesn’t move away as he ignores Remus’ joyous declaration of mutilation.
Remus smiles with as many teeth as he possibly can, wobbles to a sudden hitched stop inches from them and cocks his head to the side with an audible crack.
“Don’t you see that she’s not interested in being near you” it’s not a question, he can not care less for this buffoons answer.
It’s Remus’ turn to lean closer, he slides his hand into his pocket, swishes his butterfly knife out and lands it on top of the other guys wrist, “take it away before I do” he whispers unblinking through his manic smile.
“Ugh, you’re insane” Lead Bitch Boy scoffs throwing Rosie’s hand away from himself, “she’s not worth it if it means dealing with you too.”
“She’s worth more than anything!” Remus sneers.
The other laughs, “I see now- gross, deranged Remus wants his sister all to himself” he steps away from them, “that’s disgusting” he looks to Rosie, “I guess you guys are perfect for each other then-” Rosie winces as he spits “-you’re both freaks,”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Remus hisses with genuine confusion.
He doesn’t answer Remus, he only laughs again and starts to walk away, “have fun fucking your sister, you clearly want to.”
“It’s not an incestuous thing!” Remus yells at his retreating back then mutters, “why does everyone keep thinking that?”
Rosie takes the hand that Remus is holding the knife in, “hey Rems?”
He looks to her shining golden brown eyes, “thanks” she smiles.
He flicks his butterfly knife back together to pocket it once more, “yeah of course.”
They start to walk to the doors to the parking lot, Remus lightly elbows her, “why didn’t you take your dagger out on him?”
Her laugh chimes through him, “I don’t bring it to school like some ruffian I know.”
“Pfft, you should, it would solve problems like him.”
“Maybe” she hums, “but one of us has to seem dignified in public.”
“Says the one who wants to have a katana attached to her side permanently.”
“Excuse you” she huffs, “katanas are a very dignified choice of weapon.”
Remus snickers putting his arm on her shoulders and squishing them together in a side hug walk thing, “whaddya want for lunch?”
“To not come back” she says.
He smiles over at her, “say sike or it’s happening.”
She shrugs, “there’s barley a month left here, none of it is going to matter.”
He rattles her excitedly as they walk out of the doors making her laugh again, “fuck yes!”
________
Summer comes and goes quickly.
Remus tried to pack in as much one on one time as he could with his twin before it ended, it was full of fun, happiness and general shenaniganary.
Their annual family camping birthday trip was much bigger than ever to celebrate their graduation and Rosie’s acceptance to her dream preforming arts college.
The first week she’s gone Remus doesn’t quite know what to do with himself, this is the first time they’ve been apart from each other for a long period of time.
It’s… lonely.
Remus is happy for her even though he can’t see her often, he’d never get in the way of her dreams.
Besides, Remus is good at distracting himself if nothing else, he has so many things he wants to work on and to do, the time will pass even if he feels like he’s missing a part of himself.
And it’s not like they don’t talk, they video call each other all the time, she’s attends most of his live streams and comments on all his videos, chastising him for getting hurt on his excursions and laughing at his more silly slip ups.
He ignores some of his followers comments about them flirting, until one live stream where he’s bantering with her and in influx of ‘stop flirting’ comes through the chat.
“First of all” he starts, “that’s my twin sister.”
The chat goes crazy with ‘that’s hot’ and, ‘oh eww’ and, ‘you guys seem a little too close’.
“Second of all” Remus interjects, “I’m gay as fuck, so sorry to all you twincesters out there, it’s not an incestuous thing.”
The days sure do pass and in almost no time at all the school year is over and Rosie is back home for a while.
However, he wasn’t aware that she’d come home sooner than expected and halts suddenly in his tracks at her bedroom door, a door that is wide open with the lights on when it’s been closed for months.
She’s sitting at her desk, headphones on and... huh, interesting.
He sneaks up to her to pluck the headphones off her head, “I like the butch-y haircut.”
She swivels around with a squawk then smiles when she sees him, “Remus!”
“Why are you here?”
Her smile turns to a pout, “are you not happy to see me?”
Propping a hand on his hip he looks down at her, “I was supposed to pick you up in like two days.”
“Dad picked me up this morning” she waves her hands about with a sing song of, “surpriiiise!”
“I’m glad you’re back” he ruffles her fluffy, now short hair, “when did this happen?”
“Th-this morning” she suddenly gets bashful as she fixes her now messed up freshly cut hair.
“It suits you” he says.
“Thanks.”
Remus jolts, shit his plans for her arrival need to change a little now, “anyway-” he boops her nose, “-I’ll see you later.”
Rosie stops him as he goes to leave, “Remus wait!”
Turning back to look at her he notices she’s suddenly very nervous, “whassup?”
“I have… I have to tell you something” she then proceeds to stutter out words that are even incomprehensible to Remus.
He snickers with a motion toward her hair, “are you trying to tell me you’re a lesbian?”
That stops her babbling, “uh no” she laughs a little, “I- I’m not a girl” his twin rushes out not making eye contact with him.
Another jolt runs through Remus and now it’s his turn to stutter as something in his mind starts to connect and disconnect things, “oh! I uh okay, sure! sooooo brother?” he asks and his twin nods.
“Cool cool cool cool” why are you panicking man? he thinks at himself.
This should be fine right?
Why doesn’t he feel fine?
“Obviously I support you!” he rushes out before his rambling can hurt his brothers feelings, and gestures to the door to excuse himself, “I just have to uhh jer- no I gotta jor- jaa- mmmmaaa… I’m going to go jerk off.”
“What?” he hears his twin confusedly state as he rushes down the hall to his own room and locking the door behind him.
He paces his room, “what the fuck was that?”
“Okay let’s walk through this Remus” he gestures his hands around wildly as he talks to himself, “freaking out over your twin coming out to you as trans is not cool man, why’d that happen?”
He throws his hands up in frustration,“of course I support him and I’ll fuck up anyone who doesn’t, so what’s wrong with me?”
Stopping his pacing at his desk placing his palms down on it to peer up at the photo collage on the wall above it.
It’s all pictures of them and their friends, he looks through all of the photographs that hold his brother and a calmness comes over him.
The one and only person in the world who understands him fully, where the others presence calms the storms swirling within, where a smile is the only thing Remus needs to feel peace, the shining gold of his twins eyes makes him melt.
The chiming laugh that never fails to put a smile on his own face, the witty back and forth that he knows he wouldn’t be able to live without, the soft late night serious talks at the park or leaning against each other in their tree house.
How he can always count on the other to get into trouble with him and also get him out of trouble with that insatiable charm.
So what the fuck is his deal?
“Ffffffuck” he hisses, “maybe it is an incestuous thing.”
The more he thinks about it the more he realizes that, it’s not that big of a revelation, his very existence would be nothing without Rosie…
Rosie?
He swishes around, flinging open his door to saunter back to his brothers room- his brother who is still turned towards the door now with a look of contemplation puzzling his face.
“Sooooo” Remus begins.
His twin looks up at him, “that was fast.”
It takes Remus a minute to get what that means, “oh yeah, I wasn’t jackin it.”
His other half snickers, “I know.”
“Do you now?”
“You’re not exactly quiet.”
“That… tracks.”
A moment of silence lingers between them before Remus can’t handle it anymore.
“Odd question coming from your twin, but with the circumstances an all probably not! what’s your name?”
His brother lights up at the question, “I’ve given it a lot of thought!”
“I bet you have” Remus smiles.
“I didn’t want to change it too much, and well-” he fiddles a bit with the ring on his pinkie finger, “I want us to still kinda match.”
Remus shimmies his shoulders, “ooooh, matchy matchy!”
There’s another beat before his twin puffs up his chest, “Roman” he says proudly.
roman who has remus' grindr bc remus will ignore a text for days but he always checks the grindr messages. like ro hasn't blocked him on there because it's the only guaranteed way to get in contact when remus is distracted doing stupid shit. re hears that ding and automatically is reading the dm.
it's not even awkward for roman, he'll be like "hold on let me text remus and see if XYZ" and open grindr in front of god and everybody. someone's like don't the pics bother you and roman is like "I've lived with remus my whole life, I've seen his dick plenty" because remus just has never had any modesty whatsoever. he probably doesn't even take clothes with him into the bathroom to shower he just walks out naked and using the last clean towel to dry his hair, and roman is more annoyed about the towel then the full frontal nudity.
someone is like "well if you're always using it to text him why hasn't remus blocked you??" and roman says "oh remus doesn't block people on grindr, he says he isn't the type of person to close himself to possibility."
which roman took to mean remus is absolutely dtf insane bitches (true) and lives by a "block me yourself coward" philosophy (also true) but then whoever he's talking to asks the obvious question about remus "not closing himself off to potential possibilities" and roman not being blocked on the hookup site
and roman gets this look on his face like this set of clues has never put itself together into that potential outcome before and he lifts up his phone and slowly and carefully starts typing a message, gets a reply ding IMMEDIATELY, and says a quiet "huh"
whoever he's talking to irl is like what the fuck does huh mean!! what did you ask. what did he say. why are you looking thoughtful and continuing to type, did I open some weird pandora's box and start something???
anyway after that sometimes roman will get a message and react with a sort of blushing high pitched giggle and literally no one on earth wants to dig into their message history.
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Remus hummed vaguely from the floor, his voice almost inaudible under the sounds of the firewood he was throwing into their fireplace. They had made a pillow fort some time earlier -- a Remus patented, chaotic mess of pillows and blankets that they had long given up on keeping stable, opting instead to lounge on top of it, treating it like a makeshift couch. It had been Remus' idea; Roman had been bummed out by their potential abscence from the party they were supposed to attend with their friends (hosted by Janus, who had the biggest house, but organized by Patton, because Patton was the one who cared about these things), and Remus had brought up the thought as an excuse to cheer him up.
The party had only been an annual tradition for the last two years, but Roman and Patton both worked for it as though it were an ancient ritual. Janus and Virgil, though they always said they couldn't care less, fretted about it nearly as much as Roman did -- a well-kept secret that only Remus was privy to, of course.
"i'm serious," Roman insisted. "I don't want them to keep hoping we'll get there eventually."
"I sent a text," Remus answered vaguely.
It was a shame, really. Roman had prepared both his and Remus' bags filled with gifts (they'd made them together over the course of the month; Remus hadn't been planning on making anything, but Roman had roped him into his own plans and they'd ended up working on them an equal amount, so Roman insisted on calling them "joint gifts"). They had been basically ready to step out the door when they had realized they were snowed in.
Roman had nearly cried, the poor thing. Remus was actually quite content with staying in and drinking himself into a dizzy state in the comfort of his brother's arms rather than in front of a crowd. He'd have Roman all to himself, for once. They had jumped directly from family gatherings to this arrangement with their friends, and Remus, as happy as he always was to socialize with a group of people who only kind of wanted him there, had been sick of the Christmas energy since November.
Having finally successfully set up the fire, Remus stood back up with a satisfied sigh. He turned back towards Roman, "There! Not so bad for a cozy atmosphere, eh?"
Roman pouted at him dejectedly.
Remus had been trying to cheer him up for the better part of the afternoon. He was starting to run out of ideas.
"Want a hot chocolate?" he pivoted.
Roman nodded. Remus turned and walked to their kitchen.
Remus was never comfortable with genuinely sad people. His best friend was Janus, who couldn't express genuine vulnerability to save his life (unless it was to make himself look good), and the very few times he'd seen him cry, they had both been happy to simply pretend it wasn't happening. Roman was theatric with it, though. Remus supposed Janus was too; the difference being that Janus' theatrics were rehearsed. Remus prided himself on being as open as a man could possibly be, but he truly didn't do good around other people's openness.
He knew Roman, though. He knew the kind of sappy shit Roman would do when he was sad, to cheer himself up, to make himself worse. It wasn't as easy to imitate him as Remus thought it would be. In a way, Remus kind of wished Patton was there. He always seemed to know how to lift people up, when to indulge or distract them, what they needed. Then again, if Patton was there, Roman probably wouldn't need any cheering up at all.
Not that he cared.
He glanced at Roman's curled-up form lying down on their pillow-couch while waiting for the mild to warm up. He had dressed down from his party outfit to an ill-fitting sweater that Remus thought he must've gotten as a joke gift, it was such bad taste. Remus could almost wear it himself. He had half a mind to ask to try it on, but Roman had also been complaining about the cold (hence: fireplace) and Remus guessed that he wouldn't take kindly to being asked to strip. Not that that was the point of Remus asking to try his sweater on. He was never upset to see a handsom man shirtless, but Roman certainly wouldn't take kindly to that thought, either.
"Heh, gross," Remus chuckled under his breath. If Patton had heard that, he'd have screamed.
Remus finished Roman's hot chocolate and walked back to their living room and presented it to him with a flourish. "Ta-daaa!"
The corner of Roman's lips twitched ever so slightly, either at the drink or at the sillyness. Success.
"Thank you," Roman said, then reached out towards the mug.
And promptly dropped it.
Roman yelled -- a short, quick sound that barely made it to Remus' ears before it was stopped by Roman's throat seemingly closing in on it as he froze up.
"Oh, shit," Remus swore, then hurriedly grabbed the mug from where it sat in Roman's lap -- somehow fast enough that half of the liquid was still in there. He turned to set it down on the small table in front of the TV so that it couldn't be dropped again by accident, then turned back to Roman. "Are you okay?"
Roman didn't answer. Instead, he hiccupped.
Well, fuck.
"Hey, hey," Remus said softly, climbing on the couchfort and grabbing Roman's face with inexperiencedly gentle hands. "It's okay, it's okay! You're not hurt, are you? It wasn't that hot, yeah?"
Roman shook his head with a sob. "No but it's all over my clothes and you made it for me and I really wanted that hot chocolate and you--"
"I'll make you another one. Like, right now," Remus said. "It takes two minutes. We have a lot of milk. Come on, take off your clothes and I'll put them in the wash now so it doesn't stain."
"I'll be cold," Roman whined.
"No you won't, the fireplace is right here. Look," Remus refuted, stripping down and only leaving his collar on, "I'm not cold! Not cold at all! C'mon, it's so hot in here!"
Roman stared at him all teary-eyed for about two seconds but, thankfully, obeyed easily enough.
"There, good," Remus whispered (to himself more than to Roman). He really didn't fucking do well with genuinely sad people.
He literally ran to the washing machine and back (because God knew what state Roman would be in if left alone for too long) and jumped back to Roman's side.
"This is the worst Christmas of my life," Roman sobbed.
"Well, thanks," Remus joked.
Roman looked up towards him, then completely broke down in sobs. "That's not," he sniffled, "not what I," another hiccup, "what I meant, I'm..." and a sob, "I'm sorry!"
Remus panicked. He had quite literally exhausted his entire list of things to cheer sappy, melodramatic people up with, the last item resulting in disaster -- and something in his brain was shouting about shitty Christmas romcoms, grand gestures, things Roman liked--
Remus was a creature of instincts. Remus took a rough hold of Roman's face, his mind going blank (as it was prone to do when he was about to make a very, very bad decision on impulse), and he smashed their lips together hard enough to, hopefully, make Roman forget about anything else.
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different part of my dream, roman and remus were making a video, and remus got excited about something roman said and kissed him, and then they both remembered it was a live stream and remus was like "fuck we can't edit that out" and roman was like "once it's on the internet it's there forever" like oops guess this is what he'll now be known for eternity
idk it felt very poignant that that one moment of being happy crashed roman's career.
the chat went insane "did I just see that" "say sike" "it's gotta be a joke" "he said they normally edit that out" etc etc
screenshots and bootlegs ended up everywhere, there were probably memes about them
and remus felt super guilty but roman didn't blame him he was like "I forgot too, we were both careless, you should never regret expressing yourself to me" type of convo
really made me wonder about how roman would navigate the notoriety for the years following
just like in a grocery checkout being recognized and getting asked about it and having people constantly in his business asking if he and remus are still together or something
I think the moral of the story was that his fame was fleeting but what he had with remus was much more permanent and if he had to choose one he would have chosen remus anyway.
like roman had his moment in the sun but he was happy out of the limelight because he got to go home from the shopping and remus would be there
so what I'm thinking about, when it comes to hanahaki roman, is that he absolutely doesn't want to admit his feelings to remus
so, other options!
1. die
2. get the flowers (and the feelings) surgically removed
ding ding ding!! obviously option two!! it literally solves his problem for him!
except. that then he goes and falls in love with remus again. why did no one tell him this could happen? why, he thinks, as the oh so familiar tickle and itch starts in his throat and his every breath smells of the flowers that are plaguing him all over again, did no one fucking warn him!!!
cool cool cool, whatever, all that stupid as hell paperwork and recovery time all over again, and the doctor tells him that his insurance won't cover the hanahaki removal again after this if he gets it again within a year of the first time
which is reasonable! he doesn't want to be suffering from this constantly either! it's just remus and his stupid expressive eyes, and his stupid little giggle, and and and
roman cant think about it. he cant think too much about remus, and he certainly cant risk going anywhere near him any time soon!
roman absolutely cannot do anything that could encourage those stupid (recurring!!) feelings to show back up
unfortunately for him, remus has never dealt well with being ignored
fuck the gentleness on remus here has got me all twisted up in the best way like he is being soft with roman aldjslfhsl murmuring sweet nothings or giving such a soft kiss
enchanted by the idea of remus approaching roman slowly with his overtures, or him treading with caution because roman deserves the chance to really think about what he's offering
remus showing roman reverence by proving that this is so much more than just impulse, that there is care and sweetness within himself and he's presenting that vulnerability to roman as well
remus offering roman the parts of him that he doesn't let other people see
scenario where roman has just been broken up with and his anxieties get wound up and he's like "what if I am too hard to love?" and remus responding by slapping that idea down so fucking fast like "loving you is the easiest thing in the world" (loving roman is the easiest thing remus has ever done, as automatic and self renewing as breathing, it ignites in him anew with every breath he takes in roman's presence)
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I don't want to put your tags on blast but I wanna talk about this!
I don't think he'd think of himself as peak friend material either, honestly I feel like it was more of a 'ha ha this is stupid I'm going to do it!' and I'd looove to incorporate someone telling him about it like that!! also yeah he's great and he knows he's an acquired taste but he'll find someone!!
Of course Janus has to be there, the rules are the rules!
I feel at first Janus is like 'that sounds... pathetic' but then Remus shows him how much people pay for just one session and he's like... 'nevermind I'll be your manager if you want.'
Roman absolutely has insecurities about the whole situation, he's going to be ditched by someone he paid to hang out with.
But no, Remus bounds in all wide sharp smiles and high energy and Romans shoulders loosen a bit.
The longer the hang out goes the more they're hitting it off, sure Remus has some unsavory things about him but so does Roman! he's not going to hold it against him, they banter, the playfully argue about nothing that matters and it's a fantastic time.
So fun for them both that they pass by the allotted time that was paid for without noticing.
As per the contract of the Friend Website the patron also has to pay for anything that they decide to be doing but Remus is having so much fun with someone (finally) that he pays for the whole evening - 'I won't tell if you won't tell' he winks cheekily.
Perhaps cause there's no refunds through the website Remus just goes above and beyond to pay Roman back in little gestures.
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