Callous and Capricious

"Aw but eridians would be so horrified at how violent and evil humans are"

Eridian history is as complex and varied as human's (canon), there's kind eridians and violent ones, greedy ones, selfless ones, monstruous ones you can't even mention their names in polite company and heroes that have carried their people foward.

For every human killing their own kin for resources, there's an eridian who has torn their own kin apart for fun

For every human who dedicates their life to helping people, there's an eridian who did the same.

Be creative, folks! Make your rocks evil!!

"Eridians don't feel any sexual drive because they just lay eggs next to each other. They must find humanity so disgusting."

That is also mating, folks!! Frogs, fish, etc, also literally just lay their genetic material next to each other, and a few will fight to the death in order to do it. Basically all species have an instinct to reproduce; its a very risky and energy consuming task, there's gotta be a strong drive urging them to do it otherwise they just. Won't. And then go extinct.

Humans aren't gross for being intimate, that's just the catholicism speaking.

"Eridians must get so annoyed at the sheer amount of specific requirements Grace needs to survive"

Their eating habits include:

- finding the specific prey animal with the nutrients you are specifically needing rn

- hunting it down, then tearing it apart with your hands piece by piece

- cracking your carapace in half (exposing you to Every Pathogen), shove said food into your stomach, hurry to seal the wound before you die

- passing out for several hours, completely helpless.

Grace just bites anything edible and swallows, body does the rest.

For every gram of B12 and Vitamin C Grace needs, theres an eridian sick because they couldn't get enough mercury.

Also the life of their planet is so sensitive to enviroment changes, a couple degrees temp drop was devastating (also canon). For an animal that has no carapace and takes damage from EVERYTHING, humans are pretty resilient.

"Eridians scientists would experiment on Grace unethically/Erid would kick Grace out"

My fella. My sibling in everything but blood. Listen to me.

If an intelligent alien came to earth after saving us from certain doom, the scientific community would host a fight pit in order to select the team who will care for/interact with this alien.

Does the alien need more food? Cool the temperature down? Does it need me to sacrifice my kidney to it? Hell, have BOTH my kidneys, have my WHOLE ARM, so long as I get to write about its phisiology.

AND its a scientist alien and wants to study me back???? It'd be the peak of my whole career, id die happy.

And it's that thing where you mentally place yourself as the second, auxiliary party to someone else that you consider to be "In Charge" of whatever space or occupation or responsibility you are assigned to

And when you are IN that mindset, it *feels* like you're being responsible. It *feels* like you're being respectful, and helpful, and contributing to the load.

But what you don't SEE- because it *feels* like deference- is that the other person who you're seeing as The Authority you report to- by being assigned that role, has also been assigned the invisible load of BEING YOUR MANAGER.

This is by FAR most commonly seen in husband-and-wife relationships, where the man says, "just tell me what I can do to HELP- you don't have to do it all by yourself, but it's like you won't even tell me when you NEED help. You just do everything and then get mad at me for not doing it first. I can help clean. I can help with the kids. I can help"

But I also see it- and am guilty myself of doing it- at work, at school, in public- that mental, "this is THEIR space, and i will be respectful and helpful to THEM"- without realizing that subservience in this manner isn't actually a good thing. That it actually shifts the burden of responsibility to the other person. That aspect was totally invisible to me.

I didn't understand that when I was told, "if you see something that needs to be done, just DO it", or, "take the initiative", what they ACTUALLY meant was, "I am not above you", or "you have equal say in what kind of environment you want to live or work in", or "I do not want full control over what happens here, I do not want to order you around, I do not want to be in charge, what I WANT is to co-command WITH you"

Being in The Assigned Authority position NOW, that is all so much clearer.

I am the senior member of my team at work, and now, every time I train a newbie, every time I finish catching them up to speed and giving them a list of everything that needs to be done, my next big hurdle seems to always be, "now take pride in the space when I'm not around". "Now don't assume I'll tell you when something is due or what orders to plan things in".

Now, having been on both sides of the struggle, I can appreciate the sticking points here

TO THE PERSON "IN CHARGE": The person deferring to you doesn't understand the invisible labor you're doing. They genuinely believe you know more, you WANT more, you see things they don't, and that they are being respectful and good by staying out of your way and waiting on your orders. THAT is the bit that's not clicking.

TO THE PERSON "WANTING TO HELP": "Help" implies that you are providing assistance to a problem that belongs to somebody else. Stop thinking like that. Understand that the problem belongs to BOTH of you equally, and consider what kind of shared space you BOTH want. What is your SHARED GOAL? Not THEIR goal, but a goal that belongs to you too. Own your space.

This is not a Commander-Lieutenant problem. This is a Partnership problem.

I have a fun mental cocktail that contributes to it, but the end of the line is that If A Mess Does Not Physically Endanger Anyone, I Will Not Notice It For Days.

This OBVIOUSLY causes irritation for people who are, say- NOT ME- and comes back to bite me in the ass only AFTER they lose their temper or clean up after me like a nanny and I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and weirdly violated. THEN the atmosphere gets super tense and we will slowly start avoiding each other, because *I* feel like they hate me and my presence and nothing I do will ever be good enough, and *they* see me as an inconsiderate slob.

So- if it's something I don't SEE because I don't CARE- I gotta find a way to care.

And what works best for me to MAKE myself care is to think, "okay, so *I don't care* if there are half-empty cups of water all over, and it's not immediately dangerous, but it's important to THEM, and do I really want to live somewhere that feels like a minefield? Do I WANT to live with someone who is always upset with me? Or do I WANT to live with someone who is happy and comfortable and enjoys being here as much as I do, where we can come and go without worying about setting each other off?"

What I've learned is: Live and work with people who have the same goal as you. Discuss the goal. If the goal is, "low stress environment where we don't hate each other", then it's not a matter of, "do I care about dirty cups". You don't HAVE to care about dirty cups. You only have to care about not making you hate each other

Now I'm not looking directly through an invisible pile of whatever. NOW I'm looking at, "oh shit that's a pile of Make-Roommate-Stressed, and I don't want that for myself"

📷 Michele Fuller Faulkner

Speckled Kingsnake (Lampropeltis holbrooki)