conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 88 (masterpost here)
Dick: -worst part of growing up in the manor is the amount of time we all spent around Alfred for our adolescence.
Bruce: ...you all love Alfred, what on earth are you talking about?
Tim: no he's right, B. we pick things up from him and it's humiliating.
Bruce, exasperated: like what?
Dick: i went to London once for a case and i had to ride the bus while i was there, and a guy shoved into me and i instinctively called him a wanker because i grew up hearing Alfred call people wankers whenever they tried to cut him off on the drive to school, and the entire bus made fun of me the entire drive for being an American poser.
Dick, betrayed: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE?!?
Tim: i am- i am! i'm just.... *snorts again*
Bruce: i don't think you can blame that on Alfred. he very rarely curses.
Tim: around you. Damian called me a 'twattish handlebar of a cunt' the other day, and when i asked where the fuck he got that from, he said he heard Alfred mumble it under his breath after serving drinks to one of the egotistical pricks at WE you had round the week before.
Dick: yeah- Damian gets the worst of it, because not only does he pick stuff up from Alfred, but he also picks stuff up from Jason that Jason picked up from Alfred when he was twelve, so it's like when you run a word through google translate a bunch of times and it comes back completely different.
Bruce: ok- Jason doesn't speak like Alfred at all, so i don't know what you're even referring to.
Bruce: ...ok there is no way he got that from Alfred. you can blame all of your stuff on Alfred all you want, he's just like this organically.
Dick, pointedly: Jay, where'd you pick up saying 'wagwan' from?
Jason, casually: oh, i knew some English kids in the alley before i got adopted.
Jason: -also Alfred used to say it when picking me up from school as a kid. i believe it was a terrible attempt at flirting with my social studies teacher, who was his age and also British. why?
Tim: yeah i’ll never forget that time when i was Robin and the Joker was pulling some shit in the city centre and we were watching on the monitors in the batcave and Alfred very quietly muttered under his breath ‘what an utter nonce’ and then pretended he hadn’t said anything when i asked what nonce meant.
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