I told people before that I couldnt see myself living past 40. Not in a no-future goals kind of way(i mean ultimately yes) but in the sense that I only see black when i try to. Years and years ever since i was asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I immediately thought maybe a profession for 2-3yrs of my life and repeat with new interests and goals. But when i think of being 40, its just blank.
However, summer had just begun for me. And my brothers and dogs took a trip to colorado and i had visions. Both the kind that seemed like long lost memories of a past life, but also the kind of future where I can see me calling this place home. A place where I can freely be me. A place where future kiddies of mine--adopted, furry or biologically, having lives of routine, yet have the wilderness be the change of scenery id need every so often.
I, for once could see a future. And not a countdown. I want to get out of where i currently live. I know my goals of homesteading, isolation, and living a simple life isnt following the "dream big, never settle" kind of advice i received all my life, but its genuinely the happiest i could see myself.
