Fine Work, Dr. Pussy!

I’m very happy you asked!

so we begin: an evil alien brain slug is infiltrating the Canadian parliament with its troop. his troop-leader has already secured the body of Canada’s future prime minister. he’s in the body of the prime minister’s son, and is pretending to be him (going to classes, following his routine, etc) UNTIL!!!! HE GETS HIT BT A TRUCK!!

the slug wakes up in a mausoleum. a glowing golden goddess tasks him with killing the demon king. he says “what?” but unfortunately the processes are already processing. he wakes up again: he’s in the body of a (formerly) dead prince, in medieval fantasy Britain.

seems pretty straight forward, right? well here’s the twist. in the depths of a castle, he finds a grey-skinned human/spider hybrid being held captive. this “spider man” has an eight pack. the slug is affected by the eight pack.

and now the spider is coming along on their crusade to kill the demon king. but wait! freeing him from imprisonment might have had consequences. the consequences being, the slug is now bondaged to the gills and being dragged underground, where the spider’s gigantic cannibalistic mother awaits.

and what happens next?? will the slug find a way to contact his troops, and resume their alien invasion in this new fantastical world? how will they fight the demon king? will the slug have anal sex with the spider? you’ll have to read to find out!

it’s called The Ignoble Invasion of Prince Proculo, and currently it’s in pre-order

If that is how you feel (regardless of what gender you are), if every time you read a female character (but only a female character) you think, ugh I don't care about them, they're so boring, female characters never have internal lives worth reading about, you need work on that.

I'm serious. Figure out what your hangup is, reevaluate how you're approaching stories, maybe get some therapy or talk to someone about it if you need to, and figure out how to get past your dismissal of female POVs as being worth reaing.

Because whatever problem you have with the internal lives or POVs of female characters, it's an issue you also have with women. It's not like female characters are somehow universally written as so fundamentally different from real women that everything you find so dull or shallow or annoying or uninteresting in those female characters is fictionalized--and, it's not like female characters are somehow universally written as so fundamentally different from male characters that everything you find so shallow or dull or annoying or uninteresting in those female characters isn't also present in those male characters in some very similar way.

And if your excuse is that men can't write women--read more things written by women. (Some men can write women well, but you should read things written by women anyway.)

This is not metaphorical. I mean actual, literal pieces of paper/plastic/metal/whatever explicitly erected to inform the public.

“How did you know this was the right trail?” I read the sign.

“Wow, how did you know what that flower is?” There’s a SIGN.

“How did you know we needed to use the side door?” THERE IS A SIGN POSTED ON THE FRONT DOOR.

Just…why are we having such different experiences of the world? People can read. I KNOW they can read. There’s nothing wrong with their vision.

Just. READ. THE. GOD. DAMN. SIGN.

This also applies to:

Syllabi

it's still actually perfectly fine to do it

and you shouldn't stop yourself from starting just because it won't be a permanent change.

Like if starting a new daily planner gives you an amazing afternoon of planning and four days where you feel in charge of your life,

why not do it?

It doesn't matter that it won't be a permanent change - 4 good days is still worth it.

If you ever catch yourself thinking, "I wish I could pray/stretch/prep/plan/do the thing, but I always get started on that and it never lasts more than a couple of days,"

what this really means is, "hey, I can feel better for a couple of days."

if this post is making you think of things in your own life that you wish you could stick to because of how good they make you feel,

just be aware:

you're not thinking of a list of ways you've failed to commit