Who I Am.

"Surround yourself with those who challenge you, push you, and motivate you." -unknown 

People always ask me what made me want to start insanity. Well, the truth is not everyone is a size zero. Before starting insanity, I went to the wellness center here at my college. The stares and whispers i got about myself and my appearance made me sick. Its like the only people that can step foot in that place are skinny, healthy and fit people. People starred at me as I ran around the track. Eyes wondered as I used the elliptical or leg machines. By the time I left, I was in tears. Never have I been judged so much. The pain inside me killed.From that moment I decided that I wanted, no needed, to change.I wanted to workout in a place i felt most comfortable and have the most support. I wanted to prove that no matter your size, size zero to size twenty-two, everyone can make a change you just need a little determination and motivation. Fitness happens at EVERY SIZE. 

When I  told my friends and family that I was going to start insanity, some chuckled, some told me I was going to make a fool out of myself and give up, but there was some that told me I COULD! I could make myself feel better about my appearance. I could make a change. I COULD DO IT.  "If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, you are right" -Henry Ford. 

My first day wasn't easy. I wanted to give up. I wanted cry. But a piece inside of me told myself that I can do it. I just needed to keep pushing myself. Sometimes you need to push your limits. After the first couple of days i started feeling better about myself. Eating better. Feeling better. Smiling more. I have had so many people that have complimented me and that has give me even more inspiration. I'm not doing insanity for myself. I'm doing it to show that, everyone can do it. Sometimes you'll wanna quit.  Sometimes you'll wanna cry. Its just a phase. I've been doing insanity for the past week now and those phases still hit me. There is times when i want to get a Big Mac, but i know its only a phase. I grab a salad instead. The little things, make the biggest change. 

I'm clearly not a size zero. Neither do i wish i was. I'm doing this to prove a point. Doing this to inspire people. Doing this to make a change. Any work out is better than no work out at all. Cutting away all fatty and unhealthy food in the first step. The second is find something that makes you happy and do it. Whether is jogging around the block or doing insanity, like myself. Little goes a long way. Trust me, progress takes times. But if you keep doing the little things and determining yourself, it will eventually show. 

My whole life ive been above average. But that did stop me once from playing activities and being a cheerleader. DIdnt stop me from being president of clubs in high school. But ever since I came to college, my weight has been getting the best of me. I see how people stare at me when im in the commons or in our other lunch area. I head the whispers of me being "bigger" than my boyfriend. I see the rude and nasty comments. It hurts. it fucking hurts! I know im not size zero, and neither do i want to. 

I hate when i walk into the wellness center and see people staring. IM TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT, THATS WHY IM HERE! 

I hate to go shopping with my friends because i know that i cant fit into cute clothing from name brand stores or im to scared to let them see what size i am. Im even to embarrassed to tell my own mother what size my jeans are.

I hate the fat jokes people say. Especially when a skinny girl says "im so fat." or something similar to that. WHAT AM I THEN?? A FUCKING WHALE?!?! 

I never wear shorts, dresses and only some tank tops because im to embarrassed to get made fun of because of the size of my legs or my jiggly arms. And i hate that my thighs are so huge that they rub together.

I never wear gray because i sweat because im fat and out of shape. 

I hate taking pictures because i look like an elephant standing beside a twig. 

I hate every commercial because there is also a skinny girl on it. 

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING FAT! 

Have you ever had that feeling, that we just wanna give up and quit trying. 

I need tips on what to "blog" about??

09/16/2013

College Life isn’t all that you see in movies. Actually, its nothing like that. You sit in a lecture with 200+ students to listen to a mono-tone professor. They assign a shit ton of homework, that you will never use again. 

Parties??? please… more like 15 people sitting around a table playing drinking games. No House Bunny college or American Pie Parties. 

Frat parties..well that’s another story. 

Whats dorm life like?