Really enjoying the scritches
Peter Solarz
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@cosmic-catboy
Really enjoying the scritches

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Because I'm a biologist and a complete freak, I sometimes amuse myself thinking about like a super ultra advanced alien race that 'conquers' our planet, but instead of being all 'War of the Worlds' about it, they aren't even conquering, as far as they're concerned. There are no inteligent life forms on this planet, after all, just little animals, and they're clearly on the endangered species list. A perfect place to study rare wildlife on an untouched planet.
So there's an alien research station in space. Humanity's worst attempts to destroy it amount to a bear turning over the trash can. Aliens occasionally abduct people and return them with a clean bill of health and an ankle bracelet. It takes them forever to figure out those bracelets are screwing with their data because humans who carry them are curve-wreckingly popular.
Disaster strikes somewhere, I dunno, Japan, and there's an uptick in abductions, but of people stuck in collapsed buildings, and yeah the giant octopus tree that looks straight out of Call of Cthulhu is scary but it's also using tech you can't even comprehend to find survivors and teleport them out of the rubble. You see humans with absolutely 100% deadly injuries wisked away and a good number of them even return. There is now a new consent form specifying if rescuers can take you to the aliens, because they will probably try to save you but if they can't your family will never get your body back. You decide if your life or your body is more important.
Little by little, pragmatism wins out. The aliens aren't attacking, but they ARE abducting and doing weird tests. But the survivors mostly return unharmed with a Big Mac in hand and a weird piece of tech. There have been less valid excuses to miss school. The aliens are clearly researching humanity just as much as we are researching them, and until communications are established this status quo isn't the worst.
Ofc, then one of them actually attacks. Knocks the statue of liberty clean off. The military starts to deploy fast, and even wounds the attacker a lot, but before they can shoot the second missle it bounces. And it turns on the shooter. Every military person in the attack dies, suddenly and through means you cannot comprehend. The other aliens whisk the attacking one away. Construction materials appear as if in apology, but that's it.
The attacker was a hooligan who thought destroying wildlife was fun, and ran into something they can't handle. But even if the bear is perfectly within its rights to defend its territory, the ranger will atill have to shoot it to save the stupid brat, and hope the idiot learned their lesson.
But the bear is still dead. And the forest critters who had just started getting used to the ranger are now having second thoughts.
But the abductions continue. There are no hooligans for a while. And what else can you do? This is your home, but if the invaders really want to take it, what can you do?
So you try to stay out of their way, if you are in some serious trouble and your chances are already less than 50/50, maybe you seek them out. Sometimes they help. Sometimes they don't.
And sometimes the abductees catch glimpses of something that looks like it might have been human once, but eyes and skin all wrong, speaking incomprehensibly, and rubbing its head on the alien's 'knees'.
You go home to your dog and try not to think about it.
cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.
Hey op google what LCD stands for
i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs
Vampire that gets hit by a car backing up because they didn't show up in its mirrors
Georges Rochegrosse, Le Chevalier aux Fleurs (The Knight of the Flowers) (detail) (1894), oil on canvas

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vet tech: so when was she bred?
us: WE DON'T KNOW. SHE SHOWED UP AT OUR HOUSE TWO DAYS AGO
vet tech: oh. Ohhhhhh
!!! the skeletons aren't fully mineralized yet !!!! 🎉 vet thinks we can keep her spay appointment next week! getting supplies just in CASE she goes before then to be prepared, but glad to be wrong about how close she was to whelping, lol. yaaay. the vet DID say she can see six or seven on xray So Far 😱 but we think we can safely spay next week.
the vet and techs were all really shocked by how sweet and stable she is and one was even like "she kind of acts like a service dog?" which I took to mean she was observing the same stuff that I was when I was thinking yesterday that she seems like she has received some positive reinforcement training. she's a very mysterious dog. she needed to take her Emotional Support Cow Ear with her to the x-ray, but she wasn't guard-y about it at all when the techs picked it up to give back to her if she dropped it etc.
so ummm... who wants the world's Sweetest Baby Pitbull? 😂 she should be ready for a new home once healed from her spay, if no one claims her. I'd keep her if it was at all practical, she's the world's sweetest lovingest doggie.
Dog is in northeast Georgia (Habersham county) but we can probably meet halfway somewhere. Hit me up if you're interested in her and I can answer questions! she turned up just two days ago so I'll know more about her after she's been spayed and recovered a bit but it doesn't hurt to start putting feelers out now.
she is the sweetest baby who knows that her natural habitat is splooting across someone’s lap on a couch 😂
resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that
wake up people. lost kids can’t melt gingerbread beams. Hansel and Gretel was an inside job

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unfortunately very true. Doing Better does not always mean never being upset or never being triggered or never having trouble. often Doing Better means experiencing those things and being able to keep going/cope healthily/move on. if you’re in a bubble with no sensation, if you’re numbing yourself out, that’s not what recovering really is. it won’t help you have a happier life it’ll just make your world smaller and smaller until you can’t fit anywhere anymore. gotta learn to make peace with the hard stuff too, that’s the only way to keep going
I did not come into Tumblr dot com to be called out in this way.
they killed him for this
ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs
after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?
i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out
They keep messing up my orders
MDI

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This zag man is greedy
You interrupted her bath