"What will they do when you tell them?"

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My mom’s boundless hunger for salt manifests in a few ways but it’s almost always met with outrage and to be honest I can’t fault the people who serve her food for being infuriated. She even salts her watermelon.

The most memorable occasion for me was at a creperie in Paris. My mom ordered a ham and cheese crepe. Our food arrived, it looked amazing. My dad and I reached for our silverware.

My mother reached for the salt.

It’s critical to know that she did not taste the crepe before reaching. We had no prior frame of reference for their baseline saltiness. Nevertheless. She automatically went straight to needing more salt.

I looked up and saw our server watching my mother with a look of pure indignation and rage. “Mom,” I said urgently, “You didn’t even try it yet.”

She waved me off and salted the crepe before taking a bite and nodding complacent enjoyment. The server did not return to our table of his own volition.

Most recently for her birthday we went to the aquarium. They had a little restaurant on site and my folks got fish and chips. Mom specified she would like salt and ketchup then waited for dad and I to go collect our food.

I picked up our food and asked the cook, “Is there salt packets?”

His head shot up in confused annoyance, “It’s well seasoned,” he said.

“Believe me. My mom would add salt to a salt lick, I won’t be allowed at the table if I don’t bring extra.”

He looked into my eyes and we shared a silent moment of suffering before he pointed to a tiny hidden bin of salt packets. I thanked him and brought my mom her food.