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the ultra monty hall problem: you are presented with three doors and told that one of them contains a car, the other two goats. after your initial choice the host reveals a fourth door & asks if you would like to switch your guess, but only to the fourth door. you are not given any hint as to whats behind the fourth door

monty hall scattershot: you are presented with three doors and are told that 10 cars & 10 goats are spread across them completely at random. after your initial guess the host opens the door you picked, then asks if you want to switch to another one

the discursive monty hall problem: exactly like the regular monty hall problem except each door has a 50/50 chance of having a goat or a car

the monty prison problem: you and a stranger in a separate room you cannot see, hear, or communicate with are each presented with three doors. if you and the stranger pick the same door, you both get a car: otherwise you both get a goat. after your initial pick the host will reveal a door that the stranger did not pick and ask if you want to switch your choice-- the stranger is being asked the same thing

the monty hall solution: three doors (1 car & 2 goats). after your initial choice the host opens the door you picked, revealing its contents, then asks if you want the contents or not. irrespective of whether you were correct he will say "are you sure" 5 times at minimum.

the monty corridor problem: the host presents you with three doors: two of them contain goats, and one leads to three further doors: of those doors, two contain slightly smaller goats, and one leads to three further doors. and so on

the monty hall problem unrated edition: as the regular monty hall problem, but if you dont change your initial choice, whatever prize you get is doubled

the monty hall consensus: you are one of twelve contestants being presented with three doors. one door has $120000, one has $60000, and the other has 120 litres of goat milk. all contestants who pick a given door will have its prize evenly split between them. three of the other contestants (you dont know which ones) have been told which doors contain which prizes. you are last in the picking order.

the monty trust problem: you are presented with three doors and told that one contains a car, the other two goats. after your initial pick the host says "oh, well that's wrong. door x is the one with the car." none of the doors are opened. you are asked if you want to switch

the monty twist problem: as "the monty trust problem", but you are also aware that one of the doors contains a cursed gem that will free the previous host and force you to become the new monty hall

hall of the monty king: the host presents you with 100 doors. 4 of them contain various ungulates, 1 contains a car, and 95 contain a ticket that allows you to pick another door.

the monty "hard mode" problem: after your initial guess all three doors will be opened. if your initial guess was incorrect, the car will be demolished on the spot. the host will then ask if you want to switch to the other goat

monty hall aim assist: as the monty hall problem, but if your initial guess was incorrect, the host will switch your choice to the correct door without asking permission

the monty hydra problem: as the monty hall problem, but if your initial guess is incorrect, two more doors are added to the group, & the car is reshuffled to a random door, then you have to guess again. this will be repeated for every incorrect guess. you keep going until you either find the car or give up

the monty hall tragedy: you are presented with three doors. all of them have a car behind them, but you dont know how to drive. youve always wanted a goat

the sleeping monty problem: theres a sleeping woman backstage. depending on whether you picked door 1, 2, or 3, she will be woken 1, 2, or 3 times, asked a question, then have her memories wiped & be put back to sleep. the question is: "which door did the contestant pick". you get one car times the number of times she answers correctly

the monty hall political cartoon: you are presented with three doors. instead of being numbered, the doors are labeled "deficit", "drugs", and "the voting public". whichever door you pick, the host will shake his head in disappointment

monty at 20000 halls: as the monty hall problem, but after your initial guess, the host opens a door that reveals a monster sabotaging the set. nobody believes you when you try to warn them

Of course Peter Gallagher knows that "dank" is a weed thing. He also knows that "in heat" is a sex thing and that when aliens "probe" someone it's in the anus.

These are words, not things. Heathcliff is a comic about symbols.

You're never going to get a comic where an alien actually probes someone any more than you're going to get a comic where the Man-Eating Giant eats a man. You're just going to get a dozen comics where aliens like the word "probe".

Heathcliff wears the ham helmet because it's the helmet you wear when you eat a ham. You can tell it's that helmet because it says "ham" on it. The helmet's function is determined not by its form but by its label.

summer = beach = sand = desert = mummy and thus there is the Summer Mummy. Because of symbolic associations that do not otherwise cohere.

Robots don't wear clothes but the mere act of labeling them "nude" makes them nude. And once a painting is a nude painting there has to be a fig leaf because a "nude" without a "figleaf" is "indecent".

and thought “ah okay, so like probably just some normal guy with a slight-to-moderate looking eccentricity about him” brother i