Abed Nadir

Shirley arrived this morning frustrated with Britta’s late night call. Jeff arrived within the hour, trying to act like he had something going on that he had to cancel (but he had been at home all evening). Pierce didn’t hear his phone was updated on what happened this afternoon. Troy fell asleep on the couch and Annie made tea for everyone. And just like that, the avengers assembled. Britta had been pacing around the apartment for most of the night, just loud enough that I couldn’t fall asleep. When (mostly) everyone was there, she read out the messages.

           Apparently Professor Duncan had been saying that she would have to find a new psychologist, and that (because of me) he was going to get fired. Jeff told Britta that she (and Professor Duncan) was/were being over-dramatic, and that ‘if an alleged DUI didn’t affect his employment status [my] comments wouldn’t’. Britta declared that she couldn’t afford a psychologist, and that she’d been growing as a person thanks to the school’s oversight that allowed her to keep up the meetings with Duncan. She wanted to know if I was lying and Jeff made an off the cuff Winger remark that led them to fighting about the status of Professor Duncan’s alcoholism.

           I stopped being interested shortly after that. This would be like if FRIENDS decided to dedicate an episode to Gunther. Although I always saw Professor Duncan as slightly quieter version of Joey’s agent Estelle, who did have an episode dedicated to her when she died. Maybe Professor Duncan’s story arch at Greendale is concluding? I’m going to go watch TV with Troy.

Britta just came over. She demanded I wake up Troy and Annie too. Apparently Professor Duncan has been texting her about something she said she would only talk about when the whole group got here so that she wouldn’t have to repeat it. She seems… angry(?) with me. She’s shouting, and she doesn’t shout when she’s hungry or sad (unless she’s sad about Jeff, according to Jeff). She’s wanting to know what I talked about in my last post, as it might have had a greater effect on Professor Duncan than ‘I could ever know’. Annie might be concerned(?) about what’s going on, but she’s still having a hard time with the Costner of our school’s Field of Dreams, so I’m not sure how genuine she is.

Britta is calling the group to the apartment but (given the time) Shirley will probably be here in the morning. Jeff said he had a life and so couldn’t be here tonight, which means he’ll probably arrive in an hour. Troy’s been trying to get Britta’s phone to see the texts, but she’s hiding it from him in her purse. I hope that this doesn’t result in another group talk. Classes have increased their assignments, and I’ll be starting another documentary for my ‘Life Films 202’ class next week. I have to come up with a subject for the film…

I’ve got to go. Britta’s calling me into the other room to read out what I’d written. I’m not angry about having to show off the post to the group, just confused as to how it’ll help the given situation.

Sports have happened at Greendale before, but the amount of action-themed montaging that has been happening over the past few weeks is approaching Rocky levels. I guess I’ll try and breeze through some basic information to catch you up on the basics. Unfortunately, Professor Duncan has noticed that I’ve been avoiding updating. I’ll set the scene. Duncan was into (based upon the bottles around him) his second bottle of red wine. I find this is pretty common when he tries to set up ‘therapy rules’.

Duncan- Abed, I will have you know that you have forced my hand.

I wasn’t sure what he meant until there was a knock at the door and the professor tried to hide his empties. Common greeting procedure that indicates the approach of the Dean. I was told not to record the conversation that followed in my post, but the particulars were essentially that I now have to post here in fairly regular intervals.  

That’s why I’m back. The Dean talked about the expulsion policies that have ‘encouraged this mandated conversation’. I guess you can only dodge the ball so many times until you realize you’ve become Vince Vaughn and Professor Duncan has become Ben Stiller; threatening to tear down the gym that is your academic life. Although Ben Stiller has never had trouble with alcohol.

Moving on. Annie has been trying to avoid that guy from baseball. She says she doesn’t like him, but I know that attitude will turn around. If there is anything that romantic comedies have taught me, it’s that if people meet during a group activity and are forced into spending long amounts of time together, even if they have opposing views they’re destined to get together. That is, unless an unlikely underdog comes in and takes over in a romantic subplot. I have my bets on a pre-existing pre-established underdog to the storyline... The outcome is improbable right now; more research is required. I’ll run a simulation. Classes are fine. My family is fine. Jeff has been complaining about his phone, and I predict he’ll get a new one soon. Troy just asked me if I want to watch more of a new show he’s started watching. I do.