trying my best

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.

Commenting "may this type of love never find me" under your high school classmates engagement photos

Do people know this is the husband of the prime minister of New Zealand

And who is the guy burying him in the sand

(goverment voice) we need to protect the children from pornography so our plan is to remove their eyes so they would never see something so traumatic. if you are against removing children's eyes you are basically a pedophile

Man who hates the very concept of life and all living beings: I should design portal websites for colleges and job applications

i cant even properly explain how it emotionally affects me when my cat comes up to me for cuddles. small creature walks up to me, a giant, in search of a gentle touch, because he trusts me completely. that is what love is. that is what the universe is built for. i want to cry

who up wasting their only shot at life through complete and utter inaction

If I had a girl I’d stand up every time she enters the room like she the president

I think if I had a wife and she asked me to do something I’d do it

have you noticed that everything depends on various factors