@confettipaws - Tumblr Blog

You have to treat me niceys or I'll deploy the mechanism

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pangur-and-grim

I could bring this thing home

i-am-a-lizard

pangur-and-grim

there's no cause for that

bewbin

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

2006-honda-civic

can i fucking help you?

angelspouse

(with the intention of ordering grapes from the lemonade stand) hey

the-haiku-bot

(with the intention

of ordering grapes from the

lemonade stand) hey

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

podcastwizard

i don’t know how many people on tumblr know about “verticals” - they’re cheaply made soap operas that are filmed vertically so you can watch them on your phone. they’re infamous in the acting world because of the poor writing and nonsensical plots - almost always has something to do with a mafia boss or a vampire or a werewolf - and they always have insane titles like “pregnant with the ceo’s baby” or “forced to marry the alpha king.” i come across tons of them on casting websites and they all have wild titles and descriptions but none of them, None of Them, have truly grabbed me like the title i saw today:

Dr. Fangs: He Prescribes Bites

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greylittlebird-deactivated20250

I don’t understand why people who cannot accept any moral grayness or complexity decide to join fandoms for the most emotionally complex stories and then try to shame everyone there who actually is able to understand the material.

courier6

we need to start talking abt new things on this website. no more talking abt autism or adhd or blorbos or posts abt how fan artists/writers have decided they’re being persecuted

it’s time to talk abt which song u would want the mortician picking up ur body to play while ur in the vehicle

pumpkinhrat

She would, in fact, download a car

loosetoon

Early 70’s behind the scenes of Sesame Street with the Muppets.

stuckinapril

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

stuckinapril

So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u

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punkitt-is-here

quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.

totally-cis-offical

Well currently they’re in a tumblr post but I see your point

skopostheorie

I like when this is about a stop you are currently at and are observing with your own two eyeballs. Was it the ghost tram. The invisible tram

skopostheorie

Okay so it turns out I was at the wrong stop

teaboot

How people get nicknames:

Recipient of a third-degree burn in front of witnesses. IE, "I won't take that shit from a man dressed like a ghostbuster"= "Gostbuster" or "Buster"

A distinctive personal feature or quirk. IE, "Have you noticed how that new guy is always eating bell peppers?" = "Peppers", or "That chick has a massive forehead" = "Forehead".

An embarrassing thing you said or did. IE, "Did you seriously call Dale "Dad"?" = "Junior", "Baby boy", "Sport"

A game of name-mutation telephone. IE, "Donny Clyde" = "Bonnie 'n' Clyde" = "Bonnie" = "Bon-bon".

Irony. IE, calling a tall person "short stack" or a particularly dour person "sunshine".

A 'wrong place wrong time' one-off incident. IE, "He spilled oil on his pants and had to borrow a pair that were way too big and Jim saw him with the waistband pulled up to his nipples and called him 'Parachute'"

A batman-style origin story but not in a cool way: "One time she hit a deer with the company car and when she called the boss to tell her she was crying so hard we thought she was dying" = "Bambi"

The incredibly rare 'admiration' nickname, bourne only once a millennia under the light of the blood moon: "We saw him lift a truck once so now we call him 'iron man'"

+ How Nicknames Stick:

Your fate is determined by The Counsel

You hate it

It's accurate

notsomeoneyouknow

This reminds me of an article about how callsigns in movies are inaccurate because they're too cool. Generally your callsign in the military is like "Bepis" because you once pronounced "Pepsi" wrong.

teaboot

^^^

crabussy

crying tears of joy over this photo

birds-in-posts

Kākāpō (Strigops habroptilus)

crabussy

every time I share a photo of a kākāpō and someone goes "lol it's sirocco the one who shagged a man's head" I get so irritated because there's more than one kākāpō on earth but. after much digging. no this is literally sirocco. this IS in fact and undoubtedly the parrot that shagged some dude's head. happy birthday you crazy bachelor

itseasytoremember

So this one time I was in a hospital recovering from an emergency surgery on my leg, and had to be there long enough that they had to change my bedding, so, doped up on three kinds of pain meds and antibiotics my dad wheels me into the hallway while the nurses work.

"dad" I say, my eyes barely open "it's Colonel Sanders" while pointing down the hallway. He looks, and at the end of the hallway, there's a portrait of an old man, the donor who paid for the wing of the hospital I'm recovering in.

My dad explains as much to me, and goes "I mean the guy *kinda* looks like him, but why would Colonel Sanders pay for a hospital wing Mississauga Ontario? I think those drugs might me messing with you"

Then the nurse comes out of the room. I go "hey, who is that picture of?"

She looks at the portrait. She looks at me. She looks at my dad. She looks at the painting. She looks at me again.

"you don't recognize the Colonel??"

the-haiku-bot

Then the nurse comes out

of the room. I go “hey, who

is that picture of?”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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emmaklee

Nishimoto Ryota

a piece of wood carved to fit perfectly into a zippered plastic bag

insectapologist

obsessed with this exchange in the replies

lastvalyrian

> medical problem > unsure if it's serious or will go away on its own > sees a doctor to be sure > "why the fuck are you here. this is nothing. it will go away on its own"

lastvalyrian

> medical problem > unsure if it's serious or will go away on its own > decide to wait to not overreact > problem remains > sees doctor with concrete problem after all > "why did you wait so long. we could have done something if you had come immediately"

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