Good afternoon thottie
Sweet Seals For You, Always
$LAYYYTER
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@comradebeauvoir
Good afternoon thottie

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security question: what was the last name of your first grade teacher?
my first grade teacher hacking my bank account: i’m in
why is this so fucking funny
students: *not sticking to the status quo*
the entire cafeteria:
I want a relationship where we can get drunk at midnight, just the two of us, and sit up talking and making out all night, and go to the beach at four in the morning. I want someone who’s down for adventure. I want someone who will go camping with me, and boating, and fishing, and travel. I want someone who wants me for life. I want passion that doesn’t burn out.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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those little things on ur nose aren’t blackheads, don’t try and get rid of them they’re sebaceous filaments and they’re permanent and literally everyone has them
every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected don’t try and get rid of ur pouch
ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isn’t gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise
if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, it’s not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u don’t see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine
no one’s stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic
no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine
sometimes u just gotta get over urself
this made me cry I needed it so bad
Me reassuring myself: it’s really ok you dumb bitch
i kinda wanna rebel against society but i also kinda wanna take a nap
everything gets so much better after you realize that idleness is strongly discouraged by capitalism, so you can now do both at the same time
this was the most affirming thing i’ve read in my life
I cried watching this
BABIES
*sobbing*
Just accept your fate
Today at therapy was really hard. I was sitting here crying, and generally being miserable, when I felt a nudge at my knee. I looked down to see that Zeus, my service dog, was doing his job… and brought me a potato. it is very hard to cry with a gift of potato.
Remember this? I’m having a rough time right now. Zeus has a solution.
That would be an empty pill bottle, the *correct* pill bottle, a bottle of embossing powder, and two, TWO potatoes.
You’re worth at least 2 potato to him and that’s pretty special imo.
I would just like to remind you all that *I don’t own any potatoes* and I have no clue where he’s getting them from.

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me if i owned a foosball table
someone: hey whats up
me: i own a foosball table
one time my parents had an argument because my dad bought a bald cap for $2.70 but he was already bald
when u start typing and then the other person starts typing and you both erase your messages to let the other talk first
I trust girls who compliment me in public bathrooms with my life
me 2 the outside world: yeah i don't really care for personality quizzes
me in the corner of my room @ 2am while eating spinach out of a plastic bag: as a chaotic good, sanguine, gemini, enfp who was born in the year of the horse, what should I have for breakfast tomorrow and also who is my soul mate

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“Relationship goals”