(I don't do much narrative writing, but when a friend posted this picture a few years ago, I was inspired, and came up with the Legend of Dread Pirate Santa. Pretty pleased with how it all tied together, so I'm documenting it here, on Xmas day! )
The Legend of Dread Pirate Santa
From the far frozen north, the Dread Pirate Santa patrols all the oceans in a single night every winter solstice. His ship, "The Naughty", is crewed by elves, who make him all the best toys of war and battle. He has a raiding longboat, "The Slay", with 8 mighty viking rowers. His raiding party are each skilled in different specialties of combat. After they pull The Slay to shore, Dasher scouts quickly ahead, while Dancer and Prancer whirl and swordfight their way through any armed guards. Vixen the Valkyrie seduces or executes as the mood strikes her, and the twin archers, Comet and Cupid, shoot flaming arrows for cover. Thunder and Lightning, the two largest and most terrifying, are Santa's personal guard and take care of anything else that slips through.
His Navigator, Rudolph, can guide The Slay through any type of weather. Rudolph has memorized every sea chart and weather pattern there is. The other vikings used to mock him for his studies, but now they love him for it. He is called Rudolph the well-read, and his mind burns so brightly, they say he has "The Knows" Olaf, the other raider, used to laugh and call him names, he never let poor Rudolph join in any raider games. Then one foggy solstice eve, Pirate Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your Knows so bright, won't you guide my Slay tonight?" Then all the raiders loved him. People around the world still sing "Santa Claus is coming to town", but it's a far more cautionary rhyme so that children know not to make a sound when he's near.
He can be bribed with treats and spiked eggnog, but to spare your home, you have to place all your silver and gold on a tree for him to find and plunder easily. Those who don't, get their feet cut off and hung by the fireplace with the socks still on as a warning. The worst offenders have their houses burned to coals.
Some folk try to fool Santa into thinking he's already cut off their feet, and leave their own stockings hung on the mantle. Sometimes it works, if the eggnog is strong enough. Those that leave an offering pleasing to Santa get the greatest gift of all- the presence of life for another year. Some put a wreath on the door to keep Santa out, thinking he could be placated by a few baubles there. He's never fooled, though. Even if the door is barricaded, all homes have their weak points. The wooden roof nearest the chimney is almost always dried out and brittle, a weak point where it meets the stone.
Santa's Pirate Queen, the Grand Mother Mrs Claus, spends the months before the solstice collecting letters from the people of the world, begging for her mercy and not to be placed on The Naughty's list.
When the ship's hold is full and the longest night is over, The dread Pirate Santa turns back north. At the end of the ocean, the crew lift the Naughty completely out of the water and pull her home through the tundra, over the river and through the wood back to the Grand Mother's house to plan the next year's raiding.
