To Write Is To Live

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Emery comes home from work, she doesn't expect to smell apples and cinnamon. "Baby, what are you doing?" Em ask walking into the kitchen to see you standing over the stove.

You turn setting a hand on your belly. "making fresh apple sauce." You smile.

"New craving?" She asks walking over. Em kisses your cheek and sets her hand over your's.

"Little bit. I'm mainly craving latkes but I need apple sauce and all our friends finished it while they were here." You wince as the baby kicks.

"Fucking Robby," Em mutters as she mixes the pot.

"Oh he hasn't had a home cooked meal in months." You say looking at the apples. "Maybe a few minutes in the food processor will help smooth it out." You muse going to grab it.

Em watches you. It was the last Hanukkah with just the two of you. The little one growing inside you would be joining the world around April. So you planned a big party with friends and coworkers.

Em hadn't fought with you because, well you were the one carrying a baby.

"You okay, Em?" You ask tilting your head.

"Yea, just tired."

"Well go sleep." You smile. "I'll join you once I'm done."

You peck her lips before going back to the sauce. Em sighs before heading for the master bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Your right this does taste better home made." Em dips her latke into the apple sauce before taking another bit.

"Told you." You gloat finishing off another latke. "So ready to talk?"

She sighs and wipes her hands off. "I'm just…Do you hate having to be the one pregnant?"

You blink at her, "Why would I?"

Em shrugs, "You just seem quieter recently."

You smile softly and move closer to her. Em wraps her arm around your waist. "Growing another human in my body is exhausting. When I'm not craving food or sex," Em fights off a smirk. "I'm exhausted. I'm quiet because my mind is occupied with dozens of things that make me even more exhausted."

"So, not mad?"

You tilt her to face you before pressing your lips to hers. Em deepens the kiss, tightening her hold on your waist.

You pull away slightly, "How can I be mad when I'm having a baby with my dream woman?" You smile seeing the red fill in Emery's cheeks.

"Well now your just flattering me."

"Filo," Clark whispers as he holds the small newborn in his arms.

"Ben." You say a small smile on your face, "It's Hebrew for 'son'."

Clark looks at you. Sweat still making your hair stick to your skin, but you still are the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. "I-I don't know exactly what Filo means, but the ghost of my father kept saying it to me." He looks down at baby Kent as he makes noise and squirms. "But I always thought it meant 'my son' or 'my child.'" Clark sits on the edge of your bed helping you settle your son against your chest.

You settle the baby over your heart and rub his back. "We still need to pick a name for him."

Clark kisses your head. "How about your top chose."

"Elijah?" You look up at him.

He nods, "You said one of the roots is 'el' and that he was a miracle worker."

You smile at him. While the Kents hadn't raised Clark Jewish, he found a connection in the teachings and resilience of your people. "You were listening." You joke.

He chuckles lightly, "Yes I was."

You look down at your little boy as he coos and tries to grip at your hospital gown. "Elijah Joshua Kent." You say.

Clark smiles and sets one of his hands over your's that rests on Elijah's back. For a moment all the noise, all the cries for help are blocked out by the even breathing of Elijah.

Then you break it with a soft spoken question, "Should we give him a Kryptonian name?"

Clark thinks for a moment, "I'm not sure how to pick that."

You think about it. Kara has been teaching you about Krypton which includes the language and customs. "Kara said it was basic. Usually boys had three letter names followed by the house name."

Clark nods and thinks. "How how does Kol-El sound?"

You can't help but giggle. "Clark, kol is also a Hebrew word."

"It is?" He asks and you nod. "What does it mean?"

"It means voice or sound."

Clark smiles lightly, "Then I think it works perfectly."

You smile and kiss Elijah's head. "Elijah, son of Dinah. Kol-El, son of Kal-El of House El." He gives a small coo making your heart warm. "Welcome to the world."

Emery walked into the apartment. Between the MCE and the normal night shift, she was beat. She locked the front door and headed for the bedroom stripping off her scrubs as she went.

She climbs into bed and pulls you close.

You hum, "Morning beautiful."

"Morning, your brother was an ass again." She mmbles her hands moving over your skin.

You give a small laugh, "What did Jack do this time?"

"Blocked me from doing my job and let a resident do a dangerous procedure."

You roll over to face her, "Did the patient live?"

Emery press her lips together because she already knew what you would say.

"Emery, did the patient live?"

"Yes," she answers begrudgingly.

"Then it all worked out." You peck her lips. "My brother can be an ass but he'll never risk a patient's life."

"He undermined me, Hal."

You sigh and stroke her hair back. "I'll talk to him okay? But you two have to figure this out and stop putting me in the middle." You pout.

Emery hums, "I'm sure I can make it up to you." She nuzzles your neck and kisses along your pulse point.

"Guessing you aren't tired anymore?" You gasp as she nips at your skin.

"Not even close, baby." She says moving to hover over you.

----

It was a few days later when your sitting outside the cafe waiting for your brother to show. You close your eyes listening to the city. You moved to Pittsburgh after Jack was discharged and his wife's car accident, to help him adjust and build a routine; giving back to all those big brother saves. And then you met Emery and never dreamed of moving.

"Hey little sister." You open your eyes and smile at your big brother.

"Hey Jack," You got up and hug him before you both sat down. "How's therapy?" You ask.

"It's going well. How's Emery?"

"Pissed that you undermined her, again, Jack." You say sipping your drink.

He sighs, "That was not my intention."

"It never is Jack but it still happens." You say.

He sits back stretching out his right leg. "She tell you why?"

"Yes," You sigh. "But it was still a hospital Jack, not a battle field MASH."

"Haley, please stop trying to understand-"

"That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to get my brother and girlfriend to keep from doing this stupid sibling competitive shit." You huff.

Jack stares at you, "That's not at all-"

"Oh it most certainly is Jack Abbott. I didn't realize it until we sat down and the first thing you did was ask how Em was."

"How would you even know?"

You glare at him. "I'm your fucking sister. You have always been competitive."

He sighs slumping in his seat, "Fine. Yes I can be competitive but I do not bring it to work."

You raise an eyebrow. "Let me call Robby and ask him what he thinks."

"No, no," Jack sighs. "I'll apologize to Em next we work together."

"Thank you. And please try not to be competitive with her anymore."

"Even if it's playful?"

You sigh, "Talk with her."

"Fine," He says then sits up and leans forward on the table. "You get the ring?"

"You know," You say pulling the box out. "Why am I the one buying the ring?"

"Because your dating a surgeon and she will get distracted by time." Jack opens the box to look at the simple silver band with 1.5 carat size round diamond in the center. "Nice, simple."

"Made for a surgeon." You smile.

"So what's the plan?" Jack asks with a smile.

"Well…"

-----

Emery walks into the apartment and drops her bag. As she pulls her shoes off, she notices flower petals on the floor. "Hal?" She calls out as she follows the petals.

"Bedroom."

Emery walks in and sees you in a baby blue off shoulder knee length dress. "Why are you so dressed up at 6 in the morning?"

You walk over and take her hands. "Because Emery Walsh, I have a question for you." You walk backwards with her.

That's when Emery sees the little box on the bed. "Wait," she walks to her dressed. You chew on your lower lip watching her dig in her sock drawer. She pulls out a small box and walks over to you. "I was waiting until my next long weekend."

You laugh picking the box up from the bed. "Jack said you wouldn't notice time moving."

"Ass," Emery says as you trade boxes. "So I guess we're getting married?"

"I guess so Dr Walsh." You open the box and feel the heat build under your eyes. "Oh Em." In the box sits a simple silver ring with a emerald sitting in the middle.

"Your hair is red enough it would be nice." The way she stumbled over the explanation tells you something.

"Em, did my brother help you pick it out?"

She clears her throat, "He's still a pain in the ass, but he's going to be family."

You smile and peck her lips, "Yes but he would kill for his family. And once we're married that-"

"Includes me." She wraps her arms around your waist. "God he's going to become unbearable, isn't he?"

You laugh, "Yes, yes his is."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time you ever meet Jack Abbott is when you're no more than 10 years old.

"Tessa, don't climb to high honey." Your mother yells.

"Okay mom," You of course were going to ignore her. The boys were already high and you wanted to prove you were just as good.

As you got to grab the next branch, it snaps. For a moment your falling and then you feel a hand grab yours. Your eyes lock with a pair of hazel ones.

"You are one crazy girl." He says pulling you up to sit next to him.

You huff and wipe your hands on your jeans. "If I'm a crazy girl, what does that make you?"

"A boy." He shrugs.

You glare at him, "Anything you can do, so can I."

The corners of his mouth twitch. "I'm Jack."

"Tessa." You say.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time Jack catches you it's at your sixteenth birthday party. You had decided to hold it at the ice rink. Even through you aren't very good, but Jack did always say you were a stubborn one.

Jack skates in front of you, backwards. Show off, you think grabbing the wall before you fall.

"Come on Tess, this is your birthday." He gives you a crocked smile, his hazel eyes shining.

"I'm aware, Jackie." You smirk at his glare. You take a breath before moving away from the wall and skating.

Jack turns and skates normally ahead of you. You take it slow looking down once in a while.

Of course, looking at your feet is usually a bad idea. Before you know it, your feet are flying from under you and two strong arms are catching you.

"Crazy girl," you look up to see Jack's hazel eyes looking down at you.

"Says just a boy." You smirk back.

"Is this going to be our friendship? You falling and me catching you?"

"If you're always around, probably."

Jack just sighs and shakes his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time Jack 'catches' you, it's when he comes home from boot camp and it puts a strain on your relationship.

Jack walks up to the door of your dorm, full fatigues, one thought on his mind. Being away from you has put a lot in prospective. When you don't answer the first time, he knocks again and waits.

"Come on Tess, just forget it." Jack hears through the door. It's a male voice and Jack feels his world tilt.

"I'm already up." You say before opening the door when you do your eyes widen at seeing Jack. "Jack, what are you doing here?"

Jack notices the guy laying shirtless on your bed. Then his hazel eyes look at you. When he doesn't say anything, you look down at your feet.

"I was coming to see you and ask if you wanted to go out. Seems you're busy though." He says before walking away.

You close your eyes and mutter to yourself, "Fuck."

~~~~~~~~~~

The next time Jack catches you, it's at his wedding. Maria has been pushing for you two to fix things. Jack found it easier then you did. One messed up moment and you didn't hear from him for months. So you were not making use of the open bar to help numb you. You loved Jack. You loved him and lost him. Now you had to stand around and act happy.

When you felt someone tap your should, you turned to find the man himself. Jack was in his dress whites, hair gelled back and eyes bright. "Hey Tessa."

You finish off your drink. "Jack."

He sighs, "I'm glad you came."

You nod not trusting your words. You had wanted to object, but then Jack's smile as he looked at Maria stopped you.

Jack took in your silence. "How many drinks have you had?"

"You aren't my father." You mutter getting up. But your heel catches on the stool ring, sending you forward.

Jack, of course, catches you. "Hey," he says helping you stand. "Tessa, come on."

You stand up and try pushing him away. "Just got be with your wife." You almost sneer the last word, if you weren't so drunk.

Jack watches you for a few moments. He realizes you won't look at him. "Alright Tessa. But I'll be here when you're ready to talk." He turns and walks towards Maria.

You sniffle and use the bar to steady yourself as you turn to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next decade, it's your mother who keeps you up to date on Jack. She tells you about Maria's accident (you send a card), about Jack losing his leg (you almost call), but you can't bring yourself to talk to him.

It's not until on a random 4th of July that you even hear Jack's voice again.

"Crazy girl, I really need someone right now." You hear the shaking in his voice.

You work with soldiers suffering with PTSD. You know the 4th can be one of the hardest day of the year for them.

You almost tell him no but then you remember all the times he caught you. "I'll be there soon Jackie." You say softly.

When you get to Jack's apartment, even you have a hard time with the fireworks. You use his spare key from under the mat and walk in. You quickly close and lock the door again.

"Jack?" You get your shoes off and walk in more. Everything is clean and organized.

"Here." You look towards the hallway and see him. He's older, a little more grey, and sweating. "If I knew you were expecting, I wouldn't have called. Ma never mentioned you got married." He flinches as more pops go off.

You set your hand against your rounded belly. As you walk towards him, you explain. "Not married. Just my last chance." When you get closer, you realize he's not wearing the prosthetic. "Let's get you seated."

He nods and turns towards his bedroom, but as he goes to walk, he loses his balance.

You move and grab him by the arm. "Okay, let me help." You whisper helping him stand taller before wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You help him to his room and get him settled in bed.

He jumps as more pops go off his eyes losing focus.

"Shit," You mutter before quickly grabbing all the blankets and getting him covered with as much weight as possible.

You then pull out your patient headphones and put them over his ears to silence the world.

You watch as his breathing regulates and his eyes come back to focus.

He looks at you and gives you a small smile. You give him one back and pat his shoulder.

It's a few hours later when Jack pushes the blankets off and takes the headphones off as well, your sitting in a chair from his dinning room set, humming.

"How'd you know that would work?" He asks.

"I didn't." You say getting up. "But I figured if I could stimulate human comfort, it would work." You finish sitting on the edge of his bed.

He nods before his sights move down to your belly. "Congrats, how far along?"

"Almost 7 months." You move as he pulls on your arm. Jack always was a man of few words. He adjusts the pillows before patting the spot next to him. You settle back a sigh leaving your lips.

"You shouldn't have come." He whispers.

You chew on your lower lip, "my friend needed me." You look down, "And I-I need to fix us."

"You're the one who stopped calling and coming around." Jack says.

"You did that first." You close your eyes. "I couldn't come around because I wanted you to be happy," You take a deep breath. "But I couldn't watch you be happy with someone else."

Jack blinks at you, "I thought-"

"You didn't ask." You look at him with a sad smile. "Jackie, I lost you to the Army. I was 18 and my best friend wasn't around. So I took my roommate's advice."

Jack looks down at the ring still on his finger, "then the next time we even saw each other…"

"You were getting married and you looked so happy. I couldn't take that from you, no matter how much it hurt."

Jack takes your hand, "Think we could try mending that bridge now?"

You squeeze his hand, "I would like that." You smirk, "Besides who else will teach my son how to break someone's hand then reset it?"

Jack can't fight his smile on the thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three months later, Jack is holding your son, well his son as well according to the birth certificate. You had used donor sperm and no one felt better to help you parent than Jack.