Whenever I am coming up with stories in my head, I always head-canon that the reason people didn’t know about Dean at Stanford because it didn’t matter how much time passed, it never got easier for Sam to think about Dean.
Everything used to remind Sam of Dean, whenever he will see people clowning, Sam would instinctively think what Dean would say. Sam knew Dean would hate these pretentious college students and will make fun of Sam for trying to fit in with these people when they both knew this is not where Sam belonged.
It really wasn’t so much as the place itself, as it was the absence of Dean from this place. For Sam, anyplace where Dean was, that’s where Sam belonged. Sam belonged to Dean’s side. If he was in denial before of this fact, Stanford made it very clear that safe or normal didn’t matter if it wasn’t with Dean. He didn’t feel like a normal person here, far from it. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of night from a nightmare, expecting Dean to make him feel safe, just for him to realize that Dean wasn’t here and he would be back into another nightmare which was his life now.
Sometimes Sam would be sitting with a bunch of people and smiling and pretending that he isn’t screaming inside. Sometimes he would wonder if Dean missed him also, or if Dean just hated him now. Sam had asked him to come with him, but Dean had said that Dad needed him. It had hurt more than Sam’s ego.
Jess only knew Dean’s name. Not anything else. But she kept asking Sam if there was someone else in Sam’s life that he had left behind. Sam always said no and that there had never been anyone but Jess didn’t believe it.
To her, Sam always looked like someone who was haunted by someone and the ghost of that someone was always around Sam.
She didn’t realize who Sam was haunted by or who the ghost was until she saw Dean. She didn’t believe that Dean was his brother, and she didn’t get the chance to ask Sam about it.
2087
jacobvanloon
dededos
kianamaiart
annaxmalina
