Cobwebs In My Mind

nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me

I want to be heard (doesn’t speak) I want to be understood (doesn’t explain) I want to be seen (acts like if a missing person was right in front of everybody)

i'm like if someone who was incredibly clingy and obsessive was also incredibly avoidant and elusive

The psychological thriller of figuring out what you want and what you’re going to do about it

i know it's hard. but i so firmly believe the strongest antidote to loneliness is reaching out first. and continuing to reach out. again and again and again. excise any scrap of shame you hold about being the person who texts first or pitches the plan or asks to get lunch. everyone is tired and busy and struggling. and afraid of feeling unwanted and unimportant. don't let the people you love feel that way. reach out first. don't be a ghost in your own life.

*makes no effort to include self* what the fuuuuuck why do i feel so left out

*makes great, unseen efforts, that ultimately result in nothing because my brain is broken and outwardly look like no effort was made at all* fuuuuuuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

they should make a version of socializing that doesn’t make you feel like you’re still the weird 12 year old kid that doesn’t know why she’s not normal like the other kids

Does anybody know if you ever stop being 11 years old and lonely

Like you can stop being 11 years old & you can stop being lonely but it seems being a lonely 11 year old might be a lifelong affliction

no matter how hard i try i will always be that little girl wondering why everyone is better friends with eachother than her and begging to be loved

does anyone feel the layer of plexiglass between themselves and the rest of the world or is that just a me thing

being born lonely is so fucking suffocating bc you feel like no matter what you do or who you’re with deep down you’re just not palatable to other people. something about you is so inherently other and nothing can ever dispel that. and it haunts you w every social situation you walk into but you just have to be okay w it for the rest of your life