(Ignore this. More Undertale garbage, because I’ve fallen in love with PTA Sans)
You pop the DVD into the player. On the tv, a title screen flashes in obnoxiously cheery, multicolored letters “MT. EBOTT ELEMENTARY SCHOLASTIC TALENT SHOW 2015″
The video cuts in abruptly, panning over a modest crowd of adults facing a small stage. At the edges of the stage numerous children fidget with props or tug uncomfortably at their formal clothing, each awaiting their turn in the spotlight. A woman’s voice booms over the PA system. “And now, Frisk will read an essay they wrote for us. It’s entitled “I love my Mom.“
Polite applause ripples across the audience, punctuated by a piercing wolf whistle from somewhere in the back.
A small child steps up to the microphone in the center of the stage. A few moments of awkward shuffling, and the child begins to read off a somewhat crumpled piece of paper in their hands.
“I love my Mom. By Frisk.”
“I love my Mom. My mom is a wonderful lady. She is a teacher at my school. That makes me very proud. My mom is very smart, very patient, and has very soft fur.”
The camera swings away from the stage, searching over the audience. It zooms in over a section near the rear. The camera focuses after a moment, to reveal two monsters sitting in folding chairs. One, (a goat-like woman) is sitting very primly, with an adoring smile on her face. The other, (a curiously round skeleton) is nodding in agreement, as if the child on stage is spouting great wisdom.
After a moment, the camera returns to focus on the stage.
“My mom has a lovely laugh. She makes tasty pies, no matter what some people say. She is also a very pretty lady.”
The child looks up from the piece of paper, speaking directly to the audience.
“And anyone that says otherwise can go choke on Linda’s shitty lemon bars. The end.”
An outraged exclamation rises from the audience, followed by hushed murmurs. The camera returns to the two monsters in the crowd. The goat woman has her palm pressed to her forehead in exasperation. The skeleton is standing on his chair, pumping his fist into the air. The child’s voice rings out from the microphone one last time.
“Geeeeeeeeeet dunked on, Linda!”
turnnoffyourmind
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