cool_cat

im cryinggggg wait i had no ideaa

her music prompted a lot of though about pressure to have one streamlined style or presentation. seeing photos of her in dresses with longer hair, and in mens clothing with buzzed hair.

in her songs when she talks about wanting to be different things to a person, "your woman, your man, the one that you can understand."

or in cut my hair, or pretty things where she talks about feelings towards knowing who you are and knowing who you want to be seen.

i resonate with the snippets as she talks about growing up a tomboy, i too refused girls clothes and pink. this is always how it has been, i have always felt like myself presenting more masculinely. but as i have grown i have tried to redefine the pressures around being feminine. i like to wear skirts, to wear jewelry and makeup and dress elegantly. i just never liked the comments made or the expectation that i was "finally wearing something normal" or giving in to the external pressures of WoManHoOd. whatever the fuck that means.

i resonate so deeply with butch identities, and understand that experience so much. but i like to serve my soul in all its forms. i wont deprive myself of feeling truly myself in moments because it isnt "who i told myself i am" if that makes sense. i dont have any identity labels that i use, and feel averse to ever pinning down a feeling of just being. being different from the boxes shouldnt need defining, i like the ambiguity. but i guess i also like the qualities often symbolised by masc and esp butch identities among the queer community.

but yea serve your inner core of being and dont feel like you dont fit in to things.

anyway that is my queerness and adrianne lenker thoughts. shoutout anyone else who hates gender.