The Red Warden

-Prompt: "Dystopia Love AU”: A future time when love is illegal/considered a disease. You can only be with the person assigned to you - but two characters fall in love despite the rules. -Universe: Dragon Age (AU) -Characters: Lilla Taura, Sten, Alim Surana

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Dabbling with broken Lilla’s is always an interesting concept to me… She’s already a very broken, but very aware character, so putting her in situations where the things that make her who she is don’t exist are hard on me personally. But I like the exercise a lot and I think this in particular worked out really really nicely *shrugs* Anywho, enjoy

Also sorry for any typos, this was written at 3/4amish? I think I caught everything, I’ll reread it again later and fix it up a little more probably haha

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Green. She remembered green. The most beautiful shade of green she’d ever seen.

But now all she could see were the blank walls of the hospital room and the burly, white haired man sleeping soundly in a chair seemingly too small for him at the end of the bed. Part of her wished to glance to the side to see another body settled in a chair closer to where she could reach out and touch. She wanted to wake up to someone who would have fallen asleep with their hand holding hers tightly and their head resting on the bed beside her, having fallen asleep after hours of eagerly, full of hope, waiting for her to wake up.

She’d never met someone willing to do that for their partner, but she’d read about it. And it was beautiful.

Lilla Taura would never admit to reading such material and she’d forever deny the fact that there were plenty of hidden stashes of such reading material in her- /their/ apartment.

Sten was lovely in his own way, and she’d grown to adore him. But she knew the way she felt about him wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. It wasn’t like it was in the stories from the banned books hidden under her finery in the bottom drawer of her dresser. It was bland, it was forced, it had no real meaning.

But the boy who’d run to her side, who’d wrapped an arm under her back and pulled her up into his chest to check if she was breathing, there had been something there. He was a stranger, someone who should have meant nothing, but he meant everything now.

Lilla wanted to see him again, to thank him for saving her, to see his eyes again.

He was special, to her at least.

A week later she was already back home, arm /not/ in a sling like had been recommended and knee brace boldly settled on the pale skin of her leg. She’d been in such a rush for work that day that she hadn’t realized the crosswalk’s sign had changed. Someone had hollered for her to stop, but they’d been too late.

Had that same person been the boy? She’d never know.

What the blonde did know, as she watched herself in the mirror while pulling her hair into a bun, was that life was too short. She’d had no real realization of it before, but nearly dying will change that for anyone. The worst of people. Those who were lost. Those who knew they weren’t who they were supposed to be. Except Sten- Lilla wasn’t sure he’d been affected at all by his ‘kadan’ nearly leaving the world he knew for good.

Lilla frowned at herself in the mirror. She felt like nothing, she felt like she’d done nothing, and she needed that to change. But how? Quitting her job a few minutes ago, over the phone no less, hadn’t made her feel much better, but it was a start. She’d saved every penny she possibly could have managed to save for the past few years and it was time to allow herself the slight freedom to spend it for a little while.

Away. She needed time away. Not necessarily a vacation in which she left to go somewhere else, but rather a mental break from everything she’d become accustomed to. A break from her daily life to try something new. To walk down sidewalks with no where to go. To sit in the park by the water for as long as she desired, instead of dreaming of such a luxury from the windows of a work place 20 floors up from the grass. To find something, anything, to keep her going. To find something small that might allow a real smile to grace her lips for the first time in too long.

She left the apartment in no rush, waving to Sten and telling him she was going for a walk to stretch her legs. He’d grunted, telling her to be careful and to call him if she needed anything. He was a gentle giant really, to her at least. Blunt around the edges and maybe even a little boring, but he was Sten and he cared about her and that was enough. At least, it had been.

—

Lilla left a coffee shop, hot chocolate in her hands and pressed softly to her lips as she took a small sip. She’d thought a scarf over her tank top would be plenty, as she very rarely came to actually get cold, but she’d clearly thought wrong. Her red nose and rosey cheeks certainly weren’t happy. So maybe she should have listened when Sten told her to switch from shorts to a pair of skinny jeans or even thick leggings, but it was a bit late for that now.

She made her way down the sidewalk towards the park, strands of hair slipping into her face as the wind whipped her bangs to the side. Okay, it had been a decently terrible decision to, for once, /not/ listen to Sten. She’d apologize for it later. Something about him always made her feel like she needed to apologize. Something about him made her feel like she could never be truly free to act how and be who she wanted to.

Restrictions. There were always restrictions. And that was okay, especially around Sten, but what if she ever met someone she was comfortable enough to be herself aro-

Dangerous. Those kinds of thoughts were too dangerous. There were reasons for the restrictions, and no matter how much she’d secretly hate it, she was almost afraid of what would happen if-

No, her small rebellions of owning banned books were plenty to keep herself at bay. To unleash whatever beast was inside. She’d get lost in those fantasies and forget the real world. That was enough these days. It was okay, to be just a regular girl, an average no one instead of a someone with a mouth they weren’t afraid of opening.

It wasn’t though, and she knew that. She wanted to be that someone, she wanted to use her voice, but the arguments had quickly become not worth it. The day she’d been placed with someone she’d have to live with for the rest of her life was the day she let herself go. There was no more real Lilla Taura, just a Sten’s Lilla. Everyone knew Sten and the last thing she needed to do was cause trouble like she had when she was younger. Oh how she missed being a teenager. Turning 18 had ruined everything, what with the placement and all.

But it didn’t matter anymore. Today would be different and maybe even tomorrow would follow suit.

A heavy sigh as she sipped the hot chocolate again, accidentally brushing the shoulder of a stranger as she’d lost her focus while overthinking as usual.

“S-Sorry,” she whispered, turning her head towards the person who’d walked by. She caught his eyes for a moment and nearly dropped her hot chocolate, mouth ajar and eyes slowly widening.