paddlin'
(from Twitter, 21 Oct 2022)

#extradirty
Cosimo Galluzzi

shark vs the universe

tannertan36
One Nice Bug Per Day

Product Placement
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noise dept.

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Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Not today Justin
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@clutzyangel
paddlin'
(from Twitter, 21 Oct 2022)

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answer some questions and I'll tell you what type of flower you are, in my (un)professional opinion! by kiyohno on uquiz
what if…
The kid next door (talking toddler age) is playing outside and just wiped out in his Fisher Price car, and I just heard the babysitter say, “oh no, your insurance premium is definitely going to go up!” And the kid who had only been mildly sniffling before made the most confused, but startled sound you’ve ever heard.
Just very clearly an attempt at saying, “my what?”
He straight up forgot about his scraped knee and is now worried about whatever the fuck an insurance premium is.
tiktoks with vine energy pt. 8
You gotta watch this one the whole way through.

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here is a fun little star wars scenario that has been pinging around inside my head like a screensaver:
so let’s say there’s some very zealous, very low-ranking fresh young Imperial officer on duty the day they take the Senator from Alderaan into custody.
and he is very very nervous because a) he’s been here for like a week and b) none of that week required him to be in a room with Darth Vader. which he now is. so he is trying to focus very very hard on Doing Everything Exactly According To Protocol, as a means of not focusing on the seven-foot evil wizard standing fifteen feet away.
and part of the protocol for processing new prisoners is to make a new file for them in the prisoner database, and enter all their biographical details and vital statistics and a gene sample and their known associates and the nature of their terrible crimes against the Empire and so on. which he does! very meticulously!
except the computer keeps throwing an error message. the stupid thing keeps beeping at him, this awful grating little noise that makes his shoulders ratchet up tighter and tighter every time it honks at him, and he can’t fix it and Darth Vader is right over there—
except oh god oh fuck the beeping noise must be annoying Darth Vader, too, because he’s coming over here and our poor junior officer is convinced he’s going to die before he even lives long enough to send his first paycheck home to his poor widowed mother —
he stammers out an apology. Vader just stares at him. he swears he’ll figure out the problem right away, sir, it’s probably a bug in the system, it’s just that for some silly reason it keeps saying this gene sample doesn’t match the one on file for the Senator so he can’t get her logged as a new prisoner just yet —
“Dismissed,” says Vader. the poor kid flees, gratefully.
Vader considers the matter. in fact, his underling was correct: the gene sample, which he saw taken through his very own helmet lenses, does not match the official record of Senator Leia Organa, heir to the throne of Alderaan. so: perhaps the sample on record was falsified. not impossible, but very, very difficult. and ordinarily a crime attempted by the lowly and desperate. he cannot see any need for it, in the daughter of a queen.
another possibility presents itself. Alderaan has no history of using royal doubles, as some worlds do. but Bail Organa has worked closely with royal houses where the practice is long-established. perhaps he was inspired. perhaps the girl they captured is not Leia Organa at all.
Vader runs the gene sample against the ship’s database. it is woefully incomplete, of course, containing only a fraction of the Empire’s billions of citizens: the ship’s own complement, a selection of known criminals and Rebels they might encounter, high-ranking officials whose identity must be confirmed should the Emperor require their presence. unlikely that this girl, whoever she is, would have a record here, or even a partial match—
the computer beeps at him. it’s a cheerful beep, this time, not the error message that stymied the junior officer. the computer reports that the gene sample is a partial match for Pooja Naberrie, the Senator from Naboo. they are, with eighty-nine percent probability, first cousins.
and Vader just. kind of stands there. for a minute.
when he goes to Leia’s cell, there’s no interrogation droid with him. he goes in. he shuts the door behind him. he stands, there, silent, for frankly a worryingly long time, until Leia has run through her entire stockpile of “how dare you, I’m a member of the Senate on a humanitarian mission” and “whatever you want, you can’t possibly think I would be of any help” and “well, if you’re going to interrogate me, get on with it already” and “are you even listening to me?” and falls silent herself.
Vader has been listening to her. he has also been listening to the Force, which seems to think that she’s not lying. obviously the humanitarian mission part is bullshit, that goes without saying. but the “I’m Senator Leia Organa” parts and the “I won’t help you” parts? yeah. he searched his feelings. he knows them to be true. the Force is singing in his head, bright and clear, in a way it hasn’t for nearly twenty years.
there’s still Tarkin to deal with, though. Vader turns and leaves the cell without a word.
Tarkin wants to blow up Alderaan. this is unacceptable, obviously, and Vader forbids it on the grounds that the Queen and the Viceroy possess vital intelligence, not disclosed to their daughter, that must be acquired. said intelligence being, not that he’s saying this out loud, how the fuck Bail got his hands on his daughter, and who else knows about it.
“the fate of the galaxy rests on it,” is what he does say out loud. from the way the Force harmonizes with his words, that might even be true.
so the Death Star just. parks there. in an incredibly threatening orbit around the planet. they issue a demand that the Organas surrender themselves, or else, but apparently the happy couple just left for a low-tech weekend retreat in the mountains, what awful timing, they’re sending someone to fetch them right away. Vader shuts himself up in his quarters, to seethe and watch the surveillance feed from Leia’s cell. he’s not really paying attention to much else.
and it’s not like a random freighter getting tractored in for being an incredibly obvious smuggling vessel is the kind of thing you’d alert Darth Vader over, anyway.
so he’s still sitting there, one great big thought filling up his whole entire head, watching Leia take a frustration nap, when her cell door opens.
and a trooper comes in.
and the trooper takes off his helmet.
and he says, “I’m Luke Skywalker. I’m here to rescue you.”
it's wild how lack of willingness to show large amounts of your naked body in public is conflated with a discomfort or insecurity about said body. like obviously if people are motivated by those things that's also fine but it's like. "if you like your body you should want to wear as small a swimsuit as possible; the only reason to get """modest""" swimwear is if you're insecure or have religious motivations" so it's weird feeling like nah my body is awesome I just don't want every rando at the municipal pool to have visual access to it? lol. how I feel about my body is unrelated to whether strangers have a right to view it
Besides, swim trunks are comfy and have pockets. They make swim shorts for women, even, if you want to be a little fancier and trimmer than men's, going to like mid-thigh. I use these because I like sitting on things not using my bare ass and I like pockets. Less sunburn acreage, as well.
“I was on a strict diet during Episode VIII, and she was like, ‘Kid, get into that fridge and take some chocolate bars. I have many there.’ And I did,” he recalls. “I failed my diet because Carrie Fisher told me to. And it [felt] great.”
-John Boyega on Carrie Fisher
Here lies tips, tricks, approximations and actual recipes. As well as insight into why I am so spiteful <3 Base Recipes: Chocolate Chip Cook
Master post: will update as i respond to things
If you don’t know me, Hi, I’m Chaos. I am no longer bound by my Crumbl NDA and I have shared their recipes (I left in November 2021 so I don’t know new recipes but I can try to help anyway.)
I am fueled by my desire to do better and be better than I was yesterday.
I share these recipes so that your cravings for cookies don’t lead you to paying their high prices and allowing them to treat workers poorly by supporting their business.
I only post recipes I have personally made at home to ensure they work.

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A job that slowly kills you
A parallel to Laika The Space Dog: Schrödinger’s cat.
A print is now available!
Have you been informed that the Octavinelle Trio canonically do not know what a dog is?
that is, alas, one of those things that exists in a state of contradiction -- in NMBC 1, Azul and Jade are bewildered by Zero because they don't know what dogs are supposed to look like, but in Eternity Float, there are dogs all over Ultramarine City (where they got their Human Training) and Jade is well acquainted with them. Twst is usually pretty good about consistency, but it still occasionally falls victim to the multiple-event-writers conundrum. :(
however, if I may offer a compromise:
*trying to say i enjoyed something* this thing made me feel sick and made me writhe around on the floor
I bet raising your arm and summoning a weapon for you to grasp feels good as fuck
"let me put this object some place obvious and inconvenient so im forced to deal with it" (grows around it like a tree root around a rock)
#baby i can ignore elephants in the room in ways you cannot imagine.

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call me cephalophoric the way i carry my own severed head around
hikes are very good yes but a deluxe hike is when you are accompanied by a freak with niche nature knowledge. they’re like omg stop there’s a horned valerian varmint beetle here and then you both get to crouch down and look at a bug like :)
Bonus: you don’t have to cover a lot of ground. I can turn a three kilometre walk into a three hour adventure. Five if there is a small rocky stream or a few ponds.