local idiot

i have never felt so seen,,,,yes,,,wweeeeeee

I love birdwatchers they’re like “I just saw my ALL TIME FAVORITE BIRD SPECIES! I’ve always dreamed of seeing one in the wild! I am ECSTATIC!” and it’s the most boring looking little brown bird you’ve ever seen.

And I’m watching the video like “whoaaaa what’s it going to be! woodpecker? red-headed woodpecker? eastern whip-poor-will? northern mockingbird? it’s a Bachman's sparrow? oh, okay. neat.”

I’m sorry to admit this and I would never do it in real life because I have an immense respect for wildlife and specifically the delicate nature of birds. That is the most grabbable animal I have ever seen. It looks free for the taking.

are you gonna pick those penne noodles out of the boiling water one by one like a man, or are you gonna use a strainer like some kind of democrat?

anyways can someone drive me to the hospital

what state are you in?

pretty bad

YOUR LOCATION

why does my mother suddenly fail kindergarten whenever she tries to do anything on the computer

I know she doesn't know what "the maximise button" is so I told her "click the square at the top right" and she clicked...the printer icon...in the middle of the toolbar. and I'm just like okay. this isn't a technology thing you are flunking basic shapes and directions. I'm turning off your computer and getting you a block puzzle. you have a master's degree

*beginning to suspect my roommate is a pulley* hey man would you mind picking up this big crate by changing the direction of applied force, thereby reducing the force needed? no reason

My mom would love this post

Redemption