two pm is time for a seltzer and shrimp

I've got the vibe of a girl who'd be snatched up by a bird of prey

when your stomach is really mad at you and you're not sure which one of your fourteen unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it

somehow my app bugged and cut the last nine words off so I thought op was a cow or something

really love dynamics that are like 'it honestly doesn't matter if you view them as romantic or platonic, the point is that they love each other. the type of love is inconsequential, all that matters is that it's there'. gotta be one of my favorite genders.

dont look at me with those big beautiful eyes im trying to be Weird and evil to you

sorry your boyfriend was just so sweet and bruised and mushy we made him into a bananas bread

those is mcdonalds jeans?

Fun fact: those McDonald’s jeans are part of the standard uniform here in Colombia. I’ve tried at least 16x to ask where they source them, if I can buy them from the manager, even going McDonald’s not to order food but just to ask for the jeans. I asked someone high up in their marketing dept here to see if maybe they know which company sourced them, and still couldn’t get my hands on a pair. Apparently employees only get one pair per year. They’re slightly high-waisted, they taper very slightly, they’re always kind of high water at the bottom, and they’re the perfect light jean color. They’re not stiff, they’re not that stretchy, they’re the perfect denim material. They come with a cloth belt that’s either yellow or turquoise, and the stitching on the M is almost sensual. I will not give up

theres a hourse in the dirve through

could you please stay on topic

i have "loyal attack dog" rizz. i follow orders like a soldier, with the enthusiasm of a puppy, and the force of a tank. it's all "yes ma'am" and "roger that" type of shit. women look at me like i'm nothing but a weapon and i smile back with a grin.

english slang is awful i would hate to be learning this shit. like the word shit. something can be horseshit or bullshit which means it's a lie. but cow shit is just poop. and something can be dogshit which means it's really bad quality. but cat shit is just poop.

more notes: batshit means CRAAAZY. but rat shit is poop. if something is shit, it's bad, but if it's THE shit, it's good. eating shit is ew. but if someone just ate shit, they fell on the ground. no shit? = for real? yeah no shit = duh!!!

Shout out to the USA for pissing Canadians off so bad it flipped an entire election that was supposed to be a landslide for the center-right, forever in your debt o7

Shout out to the USA for pissing Australians off so bad it flipped an entire election that was supposed to be a landslide for the center-right, forever in your debt o7

they call me an undercover agent. the way i’m. under the covers :) cozy in bed :)

they call me a sleeper agent the way i. well. i shan’t say.

are other things ever jilted or is it just ex-lovers?