it’s pretty in my closet

1. DEMAND condom use 2. Hold your partners accountable for what happens in the bedroom. None of this “baby I can’t control myself around you” or “I just wanted you so bad” bullshit. 3. Coercion is real and it’s very scary and hard to identify in the moment. Establish a dialogue with your partner. Be clear on what you both want. Be clear on what you don’t want. Your boundaries should ALWAYS be respected. 4. Sex can be really emotionally and physically over-stimulating the first few times; don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask your partner to slow down, take a break, or even stop. 5. Focus less on pleasing your partner and more on exploring your partner. Everyone’s body is different and there are no “tricks” to better sex. Chances are, if you psych yourself out worrying over how well you’re “performing” then nobody’s going to have a good time. 6. Ask questions, offer suggestions. Despite what porn has probably taught you, talking during sex isn’t weird or taboo. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. They don’t know what feels good to you. [Pro-tip, a looot of people without clitorises aren’t fully aware of just HOW sensitive a clitoris is. They can be a little rough with them. Tell them to chill!!!!] 7. Your sex life is YOUR business. Don’t ever feel ashamed of how many or how few sexual partners/experiences you’re having. Do what you want, touch the people who want to touch you back, forget the rest. 8. DON’T FAKE YOUR ORGASMS!! Don’t fake your orgasms!! DON’TFAKEYOURORGAMS!! If your partner isn’t getting you there, let them know! Tell them how!! 9. There is more to sex than orgasms. Sex is a really cool way to establish intimacy and trust, to have a fun time, to relieve stress, to explore a person’s body and bring them pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are really cool and good, but your sex life is going to be a lot better if it doesn’t revolve around them. 10. LEARN ABOUT YOUR BODY!! This goes for everyone, but ESPECIALLY if you are a person in possession of a vulva, you have been discouraged and even actively kept from vital knowledge about your anatomy! Do some google searches, buy a human sexuality textbook, masturbate. 11. Virginity is a useless concept. It’s completely okay if your virginity is something important to you and I’m not trying to belittle that idea. Just, for the record, in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal. Literally nothing about you changes just because you bumped uglies with someone else.

My four-year-old sister, however, is under the impression that it’s just “3D freckles”, and that they look very, very pretty. She wants all of my freckles to “pop out”, especially the ones across my nose; they’re her favourite.

And it puts me in this weird position where I can’t say, “No, this is acne, and it’s bad,” because I don’t want to teach her that it’s a bad to have unclear skin, you know?

Because the more I think about interactions I have with children, the more I realise that children will consistently compliment “flaws” until they’ve been taught not to.

Like, a kid at the library, whose sister has vitiligo, saw my scars once and suggested that his sister and I should be cats for Halloween, since I have “tabby skin” and she has “calico skin”. “I can be a black cat,” he immediately added. “It’s not AS cool, but they’re the spookiest.”

When I started losing weight, my little brother immediately demanded that I gain it back, because I wasn’t as comfortable to cuddle with anymore.

And my other little sister always wants to wear her paint-stained clothes to school so that “everyone can tell [she’s] an artist”.

ok heres a SNEAK PREVIEW of my crash course consisting of the most common kinds of bullshit i see people falling for

-gold and pearl do NOTHING for your skin. they just sit on top being useless and at most provide some cosmetic shimmer. a product with gold/pearl has a higher price for no reason. not only that but companies Know these ingredients are useless so if a company is purposefully misleading the public with bogus advertising that means that everything else about their product should also be regarded with suspicion

-dont take the marketing teams word for what an ingredient does!! example: ive seen companies add extracts from “desert plants” to moisturizers and claim that since desert plants dont dry out, theyll keep ur skin from drying out too. this doesnt make any sense if u think about it for more than 10 seconds, but it sure makes for a pretty ad!

-topical collagen is useless! collagen isnt absorbed through the skin, its an enormous molecule, it just sits on ur face doing nothing. like gold and pearl, its a useless ingredient that serves only to hike prices up

-beware of vague promises! if something says it will “rejuvenate” or “revitalize” or “wake up” your skin its bullshit. those words dont mean anything! some decent products may use those words in marketing, but if a product exclusively uses vague terms, or provides “data” like “80% of women saw more invigorated skin” thats a warning sign for bullshittery

-check the ingredients list. a product may prominently advertise that it includes [CURRENT FAD INGREDIENT] but where is the ingredient? once you get near the end of the ingredients list, the quantities of those components are so miniscule that the feature ingredient probably wont provide any benefits at all

-get some ph strips and test ur products. average healthy skin ph is around 4-5 (slightly acidic) and maintaining that ph is important for everything from protection against infection to maintaining moisture. most of ur products should be neutral (7) or slightly acidic. chemical exfoliants might have ph as low as 3. chemical exfoliants have different optimal phs so do some research on yours.

-for the love of god PLEASE dont use scratchy physical exfoliators !!!!! if you want physical exfoliation use something gentle like a konjac sponge. i also had a scrub that used rounded grains of rice as the exfoliating element and that worked well. dont scrub your face super hard and try not to exfoliate every day. be nice to your skin please !!!

If you finished first that’s fine!!! It’s normal!! But don’t just leave that person hanging!!

how to put a condom on

where to get free birth control

the hymen debunked 

cleaning your vibrators 

how to avoid pressures

signs you may be pregnant

safe guide to anal sex

all about dental dams

disabled sexual resources

what is hiv?

feminist porn

female ejaculation

fisting 101

communication during sex

setting sexual boundaries

bdsm vs abuse

lube during sex

the clitoris

sex education games

understanding gender

what to do if your nudes were leaked

intersex

sexual consent

all about masturbation

We all know that we need to get tested often if we’re sexually active. But what we don’t all know is what that actually *means.*

I just tested positive for herpes. I thought I was doing everything right. I never slept with people I didn’t know well, I didn’t sleep around, I got tested often, and I only slept with people who could also confirm they had tested negative in a standard test.

What I didn’t know was that a standard urine test doesn’t test for herpes. So I was doing everything I thought I needed to do, but no one ever told me that I had never actually been tested for herpes, and neither had my partners.

Almost 1 in 5 adults in the United States has genital herpes, but most don’t even know they have it. Chances are the person who gave it to me believed they were completely clean.

It’s an outdated notion that one virus causes one and a different virus causes the other. This was believed for quite a while until people started presenting with either virus in either place.

thigh kissing is nice, ass grabbing, thigh gripping, a little passionate teasing takes you far and honestly gets her wetter by the minute 

slow down, take your time at first, dont just dive in, enjoy your meal

that rapid flicking thing doesnt do much for me (i cant speak for every girl) but slow runs across the clit are lovely, just focus on the clit, let your fingers do some work if you get tired or something 

1. Stop the fucking flicking shit.

2. Focus on the CLIT. Suck it, circle it. Engulf it. If she moans, keep doing that.

3. But pls, do visit thighland. Inner thigh licking and kissing will set us on fire.

4. What is this fingering shit? Massage the gspot or get out. We feel nothing with that little stabbing motion. Also, stop sticking your 2 inches of tongue in there. Come back up to the clit.

5. LONG stokes with the tongue.

6. Stop humming. Most of us use vibrators so that little humming trick you learned from GQ will pale in comparison.

7. Speaking of vibes, the reason you’re in our bed is because you can do 1 thing our wands and rabbits can’t do. And that’s grab us. Grab us, squeeze us, we want to feel your hands on our body.

8. If you can reach, grab a titty.

9. Some women are self conscious about how they look/taste/smell down there. Or worry about taking too long to orgasm, so let her know you’re enjoying it. Moan, groan, sound like you’re eating a plate of ribs

Rule #2: Don’t do it like they do it in porn!!!

Rule #3: That stupid tongue-way-out and flicking triple time? They do that in porn.

Rule #4: They do that in porn because if they were licking pussy the right way you’d see a) two thighs and b) the back of a head.  In porn they want to see a) pussy and b) as little of the man as possible.

Rule #5: Don’t do it like they do it in porn.

Rule #6: Your tongue is not a cock.  Sometimes people in porn use their tongues like a cock.  But see rules #1-5.  Also the second and third sentences of this rule!

Rule #7: Watch how she touches herself.  (What, you’ve watched how she touches herself, right? If not watch how pretty much _every_ woman touches herself when she’s legit getting off and not just doing what women do in porn.

Rule #8: Lick her where she touches herself.  Because those are the good spots.

Rule #9: Notice how much she’s fingering inside herself when she touches herself?  Yeah, me either usually.

Rule #10: If she does touch herself inside, notice how deep her fingers go?  Gene Simmon’s tongue isn’t that long, or that strong.  See Rule #6.

Rule #11: See her hipbones?  See the insides of her thighs almost up by her knees?  Unless she’s ticklish (in which case maybe spend more time kissing face to face and letting her get really warmed up, because…

Side Rule #A: Ticklish almost always means not-horny-enough.

Rule #12: Back to Rule #11: Find time to kiss her everywhere between her hipbones and the insides of her thighs almost up to her knees.  Then start kissing her kitty.

Rule #13: When she’s really wound up she’s very likely to be sensitive everywhere detailed in Rule #11.

Rule #14: Long, soft strokes with the flat of your tongue.  From the bottom of her kitty along side her outer lips to the top.  Then on the other side.

Rule #15: Which they rarely do in porn.  So do that.

Rule #16: gently part her lips with your own lips and tongue and softly slip between her inner lips, tasting her as you go because she’s going to taste pretty good.

Rule #17: Maybe slurp one of her inner lips between yours, one side at a time, fairly close to the top near her clit, and swirl your tongue on the inside – while gently tugging down just a little bit because that tugs down on her clit a little bit.

Rule #18: Generally speaking don’t slide your tongue all the way under her hood because the tip of her clit is sensitive as hell and the top of your tongue is usually pretty rough.

Rule #19: You know how you watched the way she touches herself?  Take a minute to think about that again.  Bonus points of you remember which side of her clit she favors because almost everyone is more sensitive on one side than the other.

Side Rule #B: For some reason the average woman’s clit is more sensitive on the left side.

Side Rule #C: But goddamn it the woman you are going down on is anything but average!  So  your  her mileage may vary!

Rule #20: Open your mouth over her clit hood – about as wide as you comfortably can (though watch those teeth) – and then apply gentle suction.

Rule #21: Wetly swirl your tongue alongside the hood of her clit, up past the little fold that hides the tip.

Rule #22: Occasionally slide your tongue back and forth across the top of her clit hood.

Rule #23: If she’s really aroused you’ll start to feel a little “stem” growing underneath her hood.  That’s good.  Very, very good.

Rule #24: This is a very good time to think carefully about what you’re going to do next.  Because when you feel that little stem (her clit’s erect) then you might be able to back off a little bit.  And go on a little kissing and licking tour from #12, above.  Which might help her keep sailing and also help her from …

Rule #25: If you keep doing the same thing change it up a little, because she can go numb.  This will frustrate her at least as much as it will you.  

Rule #25: If you feel her little stem under her clit hood rise, and if she grabs your head or (especially) if she squeaks “don’t stop” in a tiny little entirely non-porn way (because Rules all-of-the-above if she’s really getting off she’s not likely to sound much like anyone in porn) then…

Rule #26: DON’T STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!  Because she’s going to come if you don’t stop.  And want to grit her teeth, cry, or possibly kill you if you do.

Rule #27: When she’s done coming (she’ll let you know by releasing pressure on your head with her hands and/or possibly her thighs) go back to #11 and give her soft, gentle kisses there.  Because her inner lips and clit will almost certainly be pretty sensitive.

Rule #28: Climb up along side her and hold and kiss her.  (If you’re not sure she’ll like her flavor – many women do but quite a few don’t at all – then subtly wipe your face on the sheets on your way up.

Rule #29: I didn’t say anything about fucking her afterwards, did I?  No I didn not.  Sometimes she’ll want to after.  Sometimes she won’t.  Just like sometimes you’re up for it after she’s gone down on you and blown your socks across the room and other times you couldn’t get it up again for lifeboat room on the Titanic!  If not that’s ok.  You can jack off later, just like she rubs one out when you’ve capsized after coming.  But!

Rule #30: She’ll remember.  And rock your fucking socks next time.  Because most guys won’t go down on her at all, and the ones that do think porn is an instruction manual.  And so she won’t forget you pulling that thorn out of her paw, and she’ll be a lioness next time.  Which might not be that long because many (but not all!) women recover and are ready for a nice round two before all that long at all.

Rule #31: Rule #32, below, is the most important rule of all.

In other words don’t be a robot.  She’s not a robot either.  Interact, make eye contact, respond to her like she’s very likely responding to you!