pleasure 101

Thank you for your positive feedback-- I'm so happy that I can be helpful for someone who is transfeminine, but I hope I can be even more helpful.

I've done some research about women without vaginas, and I think I found some things that can help.

I also have a few ideas myself, but please let me know if they are helpful or not!

Let's get into it-- first, some articles that can help you:

What I have gathered from these two articles, as well as my extensive research about pleasure within the genitals, I have come up with a few tips for you:

1

The vagina and the penis are actually quite similar when it comes to pleasure, but they also look alike! The clitoris is the organ on the vagina that produces the most neurotransmitters to the brain, meaning it is the most sensitive part of the body. Very similar to that, the head of the penis has the most nerve endings, so think of the head of the penis as your clitoris.

For a visual, the blue circle is where you should focus stimulation.

Traditionally, penis owners stroke their genitals until ejaculation and vagina owners use circular stimulation. So, if you are wanting to masturbate like the gender you prefer, I would suggest staying away from stroking, and focus circular motions on the head of your genitals.

2

If gender dysphoria is something you struggle with during masturbation, I read a few articles that said tucking may help you feel more comfortable. If you were to go that route, I would suggest tucking first, then laying on your stomach (a lot of vagina owners prefer this position!). Maybe even put on a pair of panties so that the only thing you feel is pleasure, not what kind of genitals you have. Then, I would feel around, search for what feels good and note where that is when you pass over it. Find that bundle of nerves that is attached to all genitals, then proceed with your stimulation until you come to some sort of peak, or until you are ready to stop.

3

Stimulation of the genitals is not necessary for masturbation, or even orgasm! Venture into your erogenous zones. Orgasms are all about the mind-body connection, so as long as whatever you are doing or thinking of makes you feel sexy and stimulated, you can even orgasm hands-free.

Erogenous zones are specific to the person, and they can be anywhere on your body. I would set aside time to get to know what places on your body create a good sensation. And remember, you need to be 'in the mood' in order to orgasm, meaning your brain almost matters more than any place on your body for an orgasm to occur.

The female orgasm can boost the level of testosterone, making them hard to push around.

In one of my previous posts, I talked about shame around the vagina. Well, that shame is also heavily placed on vaginal masturbation.

When you think of masturbation, what words come to mind?

For me, it's 'jacking off.' That is the term I learned in middle school for masturbation, but I only knew that boys could do it. I did not know what I was doing when I touched myself, only that it felt good, but I was extremely guilty about it. I thought it was wrong.

It is not.

There are actually many benefits to vaginal masturbation, one being that it increases dopamine. An increase in dopamine is a feeling of great pleasure and satisfaction, a euphoric feeling, even.

Another benefit: practice makes perfect. If partnered sex does not feel good to you, then maybe you should try masturbating. Getting to know your vagina in such an intimate way lets you correlate your vagina with pleasure rather than shame. It also helps you find what kind of stimulation you like, which you can then tell your partner.

A little fun fact: you may even sleep better after orgasming!

Check out this article about the health benefits of masturbation!

'Pussy' is a great insult.

'Cunt' is the worst of them all.

Yet, people wonder why vagina owners are shameful of their vaginas.

Throughout our whole lives, we have been taught to be ashamed of our vaginas. We were taught to abstain from sex when people with penises were taught to have safe sex. We were called sluts for having sex when people with penises were high fived for the highest body count.

Yet people wonder why we are ashamed of our vaginas?

Well, I want to change the narrative. Let's talk about our vaginas, since the absence of the topic is shame in itself. If we can freely, proudly, and happily talk about our vaginas, then the word will be less taboo. The topic of female pleasure will be less taboo. The insults won't be very insulting for long.

'WHATEVER IT IS THAT SHAMES YOU WILL BE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO YOU, AN ESSENTIAL PART OF YOURSELF.' - Elspeth Probyn in 'Blush'

According to a lot of people, the sexual organs are essential to us, so why be ashamed? Penis owners talk about their solo and partnered sexual endeavors proudly, so why can't we?

Maybe examples of celebrities shamelessly talking about female pleasure might convince you to start the conversation in your own circle.

Check out this article for inspiration, while it also may take away some of the shame you might feel about your body.

Check it out-- even your favorite actresses are opening up about self-pleasure!

So, there are two things that could be holding you back: your partner or your brain.

Let's start with your partner. Have you ever told them what does and doesn't feel good? Do you have a preference on internal or external stimulation that they may not know of? Is there a spot that they always miss, but you're too embarrassed to ask them to touch you there?

Well, there is a very simple answer: communicate your needs with them. If they take offense to your constructive criticism, then maybe they aren't the person for you.

Now onto your brain. This is a very common issue among vagina owners when moving from solo to partnered sex. With partnered sex, there are many more things that you may be thinking of that hold your orgasm back. There is a strong relationship between the brain and pleasure, and you have to make sure you are in the right headspace to orgasm.

Me too!

Like learning more about your body and pleasure?

Me too!

Here are some book recommendations that may help you feel more comfortable in your sexuality. Maybe they can give you some new things to experiment with, too!

Let me pose a few hypothetical scenarios--

Do you find it difficult to orga$m during partnered sex?

Do you have a funny feeling in your vagina, but don't know how to sate it?

Do you touch yourself, but don't really know what to touch?

Well, first, you need to know your vagina.

Below is an image drawn by Sophie Birkin in "Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults" by Ruby Rare.

This diagram is a simple way to learn more about your body!

Since my main goal is to teach PWV about finding pleasure, I will teach you which parts of the vagina should be engaged for just two different types of orgasms (there are many more!).

1: Clitoral

Hence the name, the clitoral orgasm obviously requires stimulation to the clitoris. As you can see in the diagram, there is an external clitoris, which implies there is an internal clitoris... well, there is actually controversy around that claim. I'll get to that later.

Achieving an orgasm through clitoral stimulation is usually faster, but less stimulating overall. However, it is a preferred way during solo sex because you know what you like in that area more than anyone else does. It is the most sensitive organ on the body, and once you get to know it well enough, pleasuring yourself will be fun and experimental.

2: Vaginal

There is a misconception between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, which is what I mentioned earlier: there may or may not be an inner clitoris.

From Birkin

According to Rare, and many other researchers, the internal clitoris is the same the as the 'G-spot,' which is where the internal clitoris meets the vaginal canal. It is also the main place to stimulate for a vaginal orgasm. While in the vaginal canal, if you just push forward about two to three inches toward your stomach, there should be an overwhelming sensation of pleasure.

A vaginal orgasm is different from a clitoral orgasm in that it produces much more oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that increases contractions in the uterus. It is also known as the 'love hormone'. So, a vaginal orgasm usually is more intimate and emotional than a clitoral orgasm.

Disclaimer: It is okay if you do not achieve, or even like trying to achieve, these forms of orgasm! Some only like clitoral stimulation. Some can only orgasm from pressure on the internal clitoris. So, do not be hard on yourself. Do only what you are comfortable with. I promise, there are plenty of ways to experiment with your preferred orgasm!

Interested in this book? Click the link below and support healthy sex educators!

People with vaginas (PWV) usually have a lot of shame around the vagina itself. Is that normal?

Yes.

Should it be normal?

No.

It has been normalized to be shameful of your vagina because of the lack of information regarding pleasure, and the plethora of information regarding abstinence and making a child.

But it should not be normal.

And I am here to help you with gathering information about your vagina in a safe, informational, fun, and pleasure-driven way.

Follow along if you desire to learn the things they didn't teach us about our bodies!