Don’t Worry About It

when your uncle gets the christmas pudding to a sustainable boil and it smells like straight up skeletons

okay, im "sorry" i tested my dual scythe combos/fever mode on your "smol bean" boyfriend

my orphan crushing machine #smallbusiness

I must not explain the joke. Explaining the joke is the joke-killer. I will face my followers who did not get the joke. I will permit them to pass over me and through me

people who put their gum under tables are wild animals they literally do not have higher level cognitive functions. they live in nature.

calling them wild animals is an insult to nature

sorry you’re right i should’ve said baboons

I call my father Babbu but I hate my father Die father

Die Babbu

^ This Die Babbu

Hell on babbu technique

the twelve most terrifying words in the english language are: i'm from the government and i'm here to torture you to death

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

Easily the most annoying kind of vampire in the world are the ones where you finally corner the fuckers and when you're going in with the stake they start spouting off sociology 101 bullshit to try and weasel out of it. "Oh, no ethical consumption under capitalism," "oh, the rich are the real vampires if you think about it-" yeah, yeah, you ate like fifty homeless people, asshole. Hold still

Okay but if you aren't a vegetarian your case against vampires is actually pretty weak.

I SAID HOLD STILL

okay (equips the spear)

your uncle is back from japan and he wants to show you his new throwing star tricks

steppe arcology burned and looted by a roving band of aristo-nomads #SOLARPUNK