dont ness with me

so I feel like my entire life has been shaped by living in my abusive household and being parentified since I was born. caring for my siblings is literally all that I knew it was my only personality trait I dropped out of high school like four times to raise my last two siblings who were newborn and two years old. i literally sacrificed my entire childhood and teenage years to care for all five of my younger siblings i never had friends or left my house bc I wasn't really allowed. my mom was always harsh like genuinely my biggest abuser emotionally and financially it's truly fucked up how she has always actively rooted for my downfall its really insane. anyways two of my brothers have autism and the last two were still minors which made me feel like i couldn't really leave because my job wasn't done. but i still went to grad school a town away to try to soft launch leaving and being on my own. It didn't work because i was only an hour away so i was home every weekend. emotionally exhausted from grad school and dealing with my siblings drama along with whatever stress my mom was going through i almost dropped out multiple times. I finished tho. Got my MSW and then got licensed so now i have my LMSW. but i just couldn't leave my house after i graduated in august. My mental health was at its lowest and it was always this cycle of guilt when I would talk about moving out even in the same town.

ANYWAY. I finally fucking escaped and now i live four hours away in AUSTIN. i moved in with my childhood best friend and my mom disowned me basically lmao. so I'm really on my own and I'm scared now. I'm starting a job as a counselor though and getting hours for my lcsw. It doesn't pay much and i may have to get a second job but I'm happy. I'm scared though. I have a lot of anxiety. I had imposters syndrome. I don't feel good or smart enough. But I'm here. And i fucking escaped. And now at 32 my life feels like its beginning and im so terrified but i feel good about it.