chaotic good.

feeling personal joy, fulfillment, and happiness admist the backdrop of a collapsing society feels selfish. Of course, if we give into despair, they win — but still, it’s still strange to have told my husband the other day “2025 might have been one of my best years” when it’s been so very the opposite for so many people. I am privileged to be in my liberal bubble of seattle, privileged with a…

Flying across the globe is weird. It happens quicker than you realize, and conceptualizing the distance you’ve travelled is a losing task. You just need to accept that you’re far, far away from home, now on a distant island floating in the Pacific Ocean that weirdly feels familiar despite its distance. The last time I rang in the new year in a foreign country, it was five years ago, before the…

This decade started with a move to Orlando to start my master’s degree. What followed was three years of making subs, finding the best of friends, and thinking like a writer.

by 2012, I had my degree, a hell of a social drinking habit, and a feeling that I had become the person that I wanted to be.

by 2014, I had complicated my love life in a way that I thought was very dramatic. I was eager for affection and give it out willingly.

By 2015, I started adjuncting after 6 years in the food service industry. Those middle years were a struggle financially, and I took any online job I could find. Strange how I had less money teaching with my degree than before. hooray for systematic issues I am still trying to get out of!

by 2016, I was freelancing, I was stable, I was even more sure of that girl who I thought I was in 2012. I was running 5ks and taking solo trips around the country and unafraid.

by 2017, I met that boy, and then the last 2 years of the decade took a complete change.

by 2017, I had my first salary-paying job, benefits, my own office, etc. I gave it up in a year. I finally realized that having a salaried office job does not mean you are successful. Those are easy to get. Choosing to make a career for yourself & being your own boss takes much more discipline to be successful.

By 2018, after a year of long-distance and Skype chats and navigating airports like a pro, I made the big move to Philadelphia. I got accepted into a second master’s program, longing for the community I had found at the start of the decade. (I am still looking for it.)

by the decade’s end, it doesn’t feel like ten years have passed. It was a decade of shuffle, of juggling, of refining my interests, making the best of friends, having the wildest of nights.

Now, I want a badass career that I dreamed of when the decade started. I want to make my own way and feel content in my choices in work and love. I want to see where a new decade takes me, the places I will travel, the friendships I will make, the essays I will hopefully write.

31 is nothing really special, just a year now solidly in a new decade, but something about it feels good to have firm footing in adulthood, to say that my twenties are now long over, to think “oh, I soooo did that in my twenties,” like it’s a former identity. Whenever I feel panicky about the years adding up, I think about how future me, at 41, will judge this upcoming decade and reflect, “that was such a thing I did in my 30s.” I’m excited to learn what those things will be. 

Plus, my 30th year, as a standalone, was quite full: last summer ended with HP re-reads and long beach days, then a move to a new apartment that felt like shedding skin, wonderful best friend wedding adventures, becoming a 75% remote/freelance worker, owning my relationship with food and completing Whole 30, and then this one boy. 

When we met in April, I thought it was just a weekend thing, just while he was in town, but when our Skype sessions started discussing when we could see each other next, I knew it was something more serious. He treats me like no one has before and is the sort of goofy, sweet, sexy kind of nerd boy that is my aesthetic. I’m excited to spend this first birthday together with him and I hope many more in the future.