a random collection of collectables

I'll give you my best shot

The process is actually quite sophisticated, and requires the presence of a full-grown goth to trigger it. A pupal-stage proto-goth, at this point completely indistinguishable from any other small human child, only needs to encounter a mature specimen once - and while the initial imprinting that ensues will only take seconds, the incubation period often takes more than a decade, even several.

The first visible step of the transformation is triggered when the dormant goth suddenly gains awareness that they have free will and can do whatever they want with their appearance. While the progress may be gradual, or seem like the transformation happened all at once overnight, the initial seed was planted years ago. And now, in full bloom, a fully-fledged mature adult goth may finally be happy.

For those of you who aren't familiar, I live in an exceptionally flammable part of the United States, and despite the fact that every goddamn year multiple parts of my state catch fire, destroy homes and kill people, the local assholes insist on getting drunk and setting fire to a bunch of illegal explosives anyway. In 2023, God granted me a Miracle that prevented my house from burning down.

Last year, I had to resort to Psychological and Chemical Warfare to keep the patriotic arsonists at bay.

This year is apparently An Important Birthday for the clusterfuck we have the nerve to call a nation, so despite the fact there is so much smoke in the air that the sun has literally been blood red for the last week, the pyrotechnic fetishists are out in force.

Last year, I hit upon the concept that if my neighbors were going to act like problem animals, it would make sense to use the management techniques on them that you might use on say, a Bear that was doing serious property damage. Thusly, I created The Stench, a nontoxic but FOUL smelling concoction that I could discretely spray around the flammable gatherings and render the area extremely uncomfortable to occupy for the rest of the night, forcing them to give up or move on.

If this seems harsh: There is no story from 2024 because a grass fire was started by fireworks less than 12 miles from me and the high winds put me in the evacuation zone in under an hour. Over fifty people lost their homes. Errant fireworks burning my house down is a very real possibility, and I pay the price in anxiety and insurance premiums.

The Stench is noxious but harmless, and also very effective at building a buffer zone around my home. But sneaking up to parties on foot in this heat is both exhausting and nerve-wracking. There have to be more effective ways to do this

-And there is! It involves Weeds and Business Cards :)

As someone from a hot country that's regularly on fire, here's some tips:

WATER IS YOUR FRIEND! WATER! IS! YOUR! FRIEND! You can transfer SO much heat into this bad boy! You cannot cool down without water!

Wrists under the cold tap. Splash your face and the back of your neck. Fan yourself.

In some countries you can buy a little handeld fan with a water sprayer.

Damp tea towel around the neck. Stick an ice pack in there on hotter days.

Half fill a water bottle with water, stick in freezer. If you use a bottle with a straw, make sure it's lying on its side with the straw side up and out of the water. When frozen top up the rest of the way with tap water and off you go.

Desperate to cool off? Wet T-shirt. Sit in front of a fan. This will nuke it, just don't get hypothermia and don't fall asleep like this.

Cold showers are also your friend in summer. Some people get psyched up by these. Personally, I sleep like a baby, so I'm good to have them before bed. Just keep in mind that it takes a bit of time for the cool to circulate, so your body will tell you that you're colder than you actually are. I find that when I have cold showers I need to step out of the spray when I think I'm cold... I'll just wait, and thirty seconds later the temperature has evened out and I actually need to step under again. Rinse and repeat until you maintain coolness even after stepping out for a bit.

If you can't do cold showers, turn the cold shower on anyway and just stick your arms under. When they're cold, lift your arms up above your head. The sensation of cool blood draining into your body is fucking weird and kinda unpleasant but less unpleasant than being hot.

Feet in a tub of water with ice. Blood naturally flows to your extremities when hot, so take advantage of this. If you don't have a tub of ice water, sticking a wet rag on your feet in front of the fan works too, it's the less powerful version of the wet T-shirt.

Drinks lots of water but make sure that water has electrolytes as well. Stay in the shade.

Keep air circulating. Fans don't actually cool rooms down, they just help transfer heat from your body to the moisture on your skin or the air via evaporative cooling.

Block north facing windows early in the morning so the sun doesn't get in. If you're in the northern hemisphere, this is opposite for you. Keep in mind that if your home is brick, the bricks will still heat up and slowly release heat into your home even after the sun goes down so this will only do so much.

If it's hotter inside than outside, close all your windows but two, making sure they're on opposite sides of the house/unit you're in. Point a fan out of one window, making sure that the doors between the rooms with the open windows are all open. This will help create a mini pressure system in your home, pulling cooler air in and pushing the hotter air out via the fan. Bonus points if you can get that fan high up where the hot air rises; even within a single room the top is much hotter than the air by the floor. Adjust the amount of open windows based on how many fans you have, but generally you want more windows with fans open than windows without fans to keep the pressure correct.

Obviously, use your common sense for these. Not everything WILL work for you, just use the stuff that does and adjust what needs to be adjusted. Some of these will be impossible to use in the workplace but others you can still use. Others are best used at home. If humidity impacts your ability to use any of these, get a dehumidifier if that's an option, or use more ice instead of evaporation.

Literacy crisis WHO? This was said in the most vocal fried Californian accent ever. I hope The Girls enjoy some Russian lit this summer.

the lines on the bottom say do not microwave but i have been microwaving it for 7 years now. i put it away wet and it must have slid off the counter. it broke into 6 pieces. my girlfriend says this is proof a ghost that lives in my house; particularly because it is a black mug with a ouija board design. i think it is proof that i should dry things before i put them away.

i had superglue from an abandoned art project. it took me four days. inspired by kintsugi, i painted the seams golden. it is my first time doing anything like this, and it was more error than trial. i do not have any fancy materials. there is a thick band of gold across the no, so it reads like a diphthong now, N\O. a part of it broke in an almost-perfect peace sign, oddly round.

it will not be watertight anymore, it cannot be a mug. i'll reuse it as a flower pot. it will go on my back porch. it is kind of ugly, really. i didn't do an excellent job.

i spent every minute of this repair thinking about how often i had used it. how many little rituals it has been a part of. it is a big mug, but not a soup mug, which i loathe. it is perfect for two hands to hold. i have used it almost daily, so often that many of the details have worn off. my own skin did that - almost a decade of shared warmth.

none of the times i have told this story has a single person said what do you mean you have a favorite mug. not a single person who has seen the resulting half-maimed piece has said why would you put that back together? not a single person has said this is a waste of time. not a single person has told me what's the point of this? if you want to find a new mug, just use AI.

somewhere someone is probably using AI to draw an image or write a poem, i know that is true. but i think it is also probably true that most of us are going to write and read and draw and dance just because. that the process of doing so is not for a goal or a specific benefit, but because for thousands of years now - when a piece of pottery breaks, we try to fix it. for thousands of years - long before capitalism had any say in it - humans have been doing things just for the experience of it. for the fuck of it. for the love of the game.

ai is not going to win because i cut my thumb while i did it. ai is not going to win because i kept thinking about my all friends who do ceramics, how they're always asking me if i want to join them for a lesson. i was thinking about every person i've ever shared a coffee with. i was thinking about who i was when i bought this mug (graduate student. could barely afford the off-season thing on clearance). i was thinking about how many hands have held this, how many people i've been since.

ai is not going to win because i didn't do a perfect job of it.

my sister-in-law and i recently had a conversation about how one of her coworkers uses Chat instead of reading self-help books. and we both looked at each other about that, the stunned silence of rabbits. "can you imagine?" we said. what's even the point to it.

“Spent Juneteenth rereading ads taken out by formerly enslaved ppl looking for their family. Freedom was accompanied by so much grief.” Attached to the tweet are five photos of newspaper ads:

1. “Information wanted of my husband and son. We parted at Richmond, Va., in 1860. My son’s name was Jas. Monroe Holmes; my husband’s name was Frank Holmes. My son was sold in Richmond, Va. I don’t know where they carried him to. My husband was not sold; I left him in Richmond, Va. and I and five children, Henry, Gabriel, Charles, Dortha, and Jacob were sold to a trader who lived in Texas. I am now old, and don’t think that I shall be here long and would like to see them before I die. Any information concerning them will be thankfully received by Eliza Holmes, Flatonia, Fayette Co., Texas.”

2. “Information wanted. I would like to know the where abouts of my mother, who went by the name of Mary Jackson. She was owned by a man whose name was Allen Tyler, who lived three miles east of Brunestown[,] and was sold down south in 1846. The last time I heard of her, she was in New Orleans. Any information will be thankfully received by Matilda Harrison, Jeffersntown [sic], Jefferson Co., Kentucky.”

3. “Information wanted of my people—Jenny Moses, Mela Fields, Selia Fields, James Fields and Felix Fields. The first three are my sisters, the fourth is my brother and the last. ismy step-father. They all belonged to Charles Baren. My sister Jenny and myself were sold to Jack Felder. My sister Jenny was sold again to Buchanan. Any information concerning them or their children will be prayerfully received by me. Minder Latson, Postoffice, Brenham Washington Co., Tex. Rev. J. S. W. McLay.”

4. “Information wanted— Of my mother Rachel Embry. My name was Henrietta Embry when I was taken from home. I left my mother in Baltimore, Md., and came to Texas with Rutineth Baerafe, My name is Henrietta Anderson. Any one who can tell me where my mother is, I will reward them. Address me, care Rev. W. H. Anderson, San Angelo, Green Co., Tex.”

5. “Information wanted—Of my mother Mrs. Louisa Hacket. She was the wife of Lloyd Hacket. They lived in Prince George County, Maryland near Laurel Mills. There were two brothers, George and Greenberry, and sisters Annie, Carol, and Emily Hacket; have not seen them for nearly 44 years. Any information from these people will be gladly received by me. Address Mrs. Fanny Robinson, No. 1227 Bainbridge street, Philidelphia, Pa.”

Clint Smith’s thread continues: “As we commemorate Juneteenth, we should be sure to remember the enormous toll that 250 yrs of enslavement took on millions of families.” (7 comments, 650 retweets, 1,432 likes)

“Even after the Emancipation Proclamation & the end of the Civil War, most enslaved ppl who had been separated never saw their families again.” (42 comments, 913 retweets, 1,870 likes)

Please have a moment of silence for the people who were killed instead of freed when news of emancipation finally reached the furthest corners of the american south.

have another moment for the ledgers, catalogs, and records that were burned and the homes that were destroyed to hide the presence of very much alive and still enslaved people on dozens of plantations and homesteads across the south for decades after emancipation.

and have a third moment for those who were hunted and killed while fleeing the south to find safety across the border, overseas, in the north and to the west.

black people. light a candle, write a note to those who have passed telling them what you have achieved in spite of the racist and intolerant conditions of this world, feel the warmth of the flame under your hand, say a prayer of rememberance if you are religious, place the note under the candle, and then blow it out.

if you have children, sit them down and tell them anything you know about the life of oldest black person you've ever met. it doesn't have to be your own family. tell them what you know about what life was like for us in the days, years, decades after emancipation. if you don't know much, look it up and learn about it together.

This is Juneteenth.

remember everyone...

thursday watch: the conditions for thursday are here, but a thursday incident has not yet been confirmed

-you need to wear sunscreen if youre going out in the sun. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You don't need the expensive designer stuff but please just wear sun protection.

-you still need sunscreen if you are black or dark-skinned. Not only can you still sunburn, but direct UV light exposure also increases your risk of skin cancer, no matter how much melanin you have. There's tons of brands out there that are made for darker skin tones that don't leave that ashy finish behind, you just need to know the terms to look for. Look for the words "tinted, matte, mattifying," and shea butter-based sunscreens. There's also lots of brands that are formulated with your skin tone in mind. I don't have any to recommend unfortunately because I don't have experience needing that, but I know they are out there.

-if youre very hairy and cream sunscreens get caught in your body hair and glob up, get a spray sunscreen instead. It'll get in all the nooks and crannies instead of getting caught in your hair. Spray sunscreens are also good for those who have troubles with the effort and time it takes to put on sunscreen. Just make sure you spray it in a well ventilated area or, better yet, under cover outside, like on a porch or balcony.

-dont believe the fearmongering about chemical sunscreens. They're much more reliably protective than mineral sunscreens are. Thats because theyre chemically formulated in lab settings to be consistently protective and keep on shelves for long periods of time, while mineral sunscreens have a bad habit of ingredient separation and uneven formula mixes. Really, unless youre swimming directly in the great barrier reef or you have a specific skin condition or allergy to the ingredients in chemical sunscreens (the only customer i actually recommended our mineral sunscreen to over our chemical one was a regular who had skin cancer), you don't need a mineral sunscreen. Your wallet will also suffer less.

-you might have to double cleanse in the shower to get all sunscreen residue off your skin. Thats a good thing actually, it means your sunscreen is really good at barrier protection, but its also annoying. The way to do this without drying out your skin too much is by doing one quick cleanse of your skin with about half the soap you's typically use just to loosen up that residue and dirt, and then another deep, proper clean like you usually would that will get it all off. While leftover residue isn't really a health risk at all, it can clog your pores over time and cause uncomfortable acne breakouts, as well as trap dust and dirt under all the gunk. It can also get on your bedsheets.

-if you double cleanse, I recommend moisturizing after because it does dry you out a bit. You don't need a big fancy designer moisturizer either, just go to the drug store and get their basic pump bottle of body lotion, and separate facial moisturizer (the separation matters, the skin on your face is a lot more thin and delicate than the skin on your body). The main thing you want to look for with any product is that you arent allergic or sensitive to the active ingredients and avoid anything that uses alcohol as a binding ingredient.

-hats, hats, hats!! They keep the sun out of your eyes and your face!! You cant put sunscreen on your eyeballs!! Wear hats!!

neither did my mother but she still had to have most of her upper lip reconstructed after skin cancer removal surgery last year