Precious

So how am I doing? Pretty good! I've been with John for over 2 and a half years now and he's honestly let me learn so much about myself. Coming out of a 5 year relationship with someone whose one of many reasons for leaving was me being chronically ill, I didn't think I ever stood a chance of being happy and appreciated by any one. I just kind of accepted at the age of 23 that I was destined to never have a future cause why on earth would anyone want to spend any of their life with someone so poorly?

Well long story short I met the most amazing guy just 3 months after my breakup. I felt awkward about talking to anyone so soon after coming out of a long relationship but assumed there was no way someone could lke me that way anyway considering I was severely underweight, always ill, open about the fact I had stomach issues, regularly needed a walking stick and/or wheelchair. So I just kind of went with the flow and enjoyed the company and the fact that a hella good looking guy wanted to spend time with me and come along to something I enjoy. After a couple of weeks of meeting up, eating veggie burgers and ice cream and going to open mic, my friends neice comes out with "do yous two go out?"... When I tell you my HEART FELL OUT MY ARSE

We both just looked at each other and laughed nervously and I panicked and blurted out "aw no haha we're just friends" Well done Clara ya tit, you've fucked it.

So we go for a walk after it and I apologise on my friends behalf for her neice being nosey and he goes "aw it's okay, I didn't know what to say I don't wanna make you uncomfortable, I'd like to be your boyfriend if you'd be okay with it tho."

I swear to god y'all I felt like someone had just dropped 100 quid infront of me. How on earth was this gorgeous, talented gentleman even remotely interested in this disabled mess?

Anyway, we started dating and I have never ever known someone to be so accepting and not being bothered about looking like the good guy. I'm actually doing a lot better now health wise, my diabetes is more in control mostly. Fibromyalgia and stomach issues are still knocking the fuck outta me but even before it got better, and even on my bad days when my legs go purple/scarlet, even when my stomach's being a bastard and I can't control it he's right there being as perfect as ever. He's never made me feel embarrassed, he's always covered my tracks if someone says something to make me feel uncomfortable, if I have a hypo he's sitting right there with treatment, he surprises me with little things that mean the world, he doesn't make inappropriate jokes around my friends or family, he'll massage me when he knows I'm in severe pain without me even needing to ask but when I do he doesn't complain or make it known he can't be arsed, he wants us to go on holiday, he let me meet his entire family, his parents love me to pieces, he sticks up for me, he runs me baths, he took the time to understand why sex isn't straightforward with me and worked his way around it, he calls me beautiful every single day, I could go on forever. Honestly he's the greatest thing to ever happen to me, to be with someone who truly loves you for you and respects you fully is the most incredible feeling and I can't believe this is happening to me, I went from thinking I wasn't worth anything because all I'd ever be is a disabled person, to knowing that I deserve real happiness and respect, lucky for me the person that made me realise that is the person I am with and I wouldn't change for the world.

I don't encourage relying on anyone for your happiness, I made that mistake once before, but he has made me notice I deserve my OWN happiness, and it's just an added bonus that he makes me happy on top of that.

so sorry, i’m hardly ever on this anymore lol.

I’ve been diabetic 20 years, diagnosed 19th March 1999 

Daily life is different all the time! sometimes your CGM graph is smooth, you carb and protein count everything correctly and you don’t need correction doses.

Other days it’s a nightmare cause it doesn’t matter how well you count sometimes your bloods don’t wanna pay ball. Not to mention literally ANYTHING can change your blood sugars. heat, stress, hormones, time of the month, medication, anaerobic and aerobic exercise, caffeine, a slight chane in wind direction to the west... 

Sometimes your pump sites are fine, other times they sting like a biatch putting them in, or you rip them out on a door handle and have to do a site change in the middle of a shopping centre, sometimes your cgm falls off and you need to rely on finger pricks with no arrow to tell you where your blood sugars are going. 

At twenty four years old, I’m finally at a point where I am truly happy and I’m putting myself, my physical and mental health first. 

For years I’ve always lived my life to suit other people, being skinny, being quiet, not saying when something upsets\offends me just because there’s a chance the person might not have meant it in that way, does not take away how it makes me feel. 

In the past four weeks I’ve been told by 5 different people that I’m “putting the beef on” and one even said “you’ve piled on a lot of weight since being with your new boyfriend” yeah I have, you know why? ‘Cause I’m genuinely happy, my mental state feels good, I’m not in competition with a single person out there and I feel good. I’m not fat, I’m finally normal after being underweight for so long, I’m strong too, I feel empowered when at the gym and lifting weight. 

I will no longer hesitate to call people out on if they’re making me feel shite or uncomfortable, I will gladly cut ties with anyone who doesn’t enrich my life and only brings negativity whether it’s what they say, how they say it or how they act. 

My time is now and I will do what makes me happy. I’ll make others happy too, of course I will, but I will put myself first when I need to, I won’t keep anyone in my life that I don’t need to just because I don’t want to offend them or make myself look bad, if you’re not enriching my life you’re hindering it and I’ll show you the door. 

ALSO, if you feel the need to tell anyone any arguments, fall outs etc that happened between us make sure you tell the full story and reasons behind it on both parts, because I’ve had a few people contact me telling me they’re so sorry to hear about a fall out with someone and then go on to tell me that it’s tragic but then when I tell them what really happened they look shocked and say “well they left that part out”