CJkats

Hating how Nolan's Odyssey looks on the basis of being into Classics, but chuds have made it a culture war thing, so now I'm fighting for my life arguing that the issue isn't that Nolan cast trans and black people as gods and heroes, it's that he cast those people and then put them in dogshit costumes

One of those fandom things that I love is when there’s new characters around and, with the unwavering confidence of an old farmer appraising cattle, fanfic authors take one good look at them, tilt their imaginary hat, and go “Aye. Praise kink, that one. Mighty case of praise kink if I ever saw one.” And everyone else just “aye.”

@cynaram

“Ah, a heritage crop.”

The shipping forecast.

The Fandom Almanac

“I think I’m going to sow some rarepairs this season. Don’t know what the market for ‘em will be, but I can eat ‘em if nobody else wants to.”

FUCKING THIS THO.

#yuuup

i love how Gandalf invested in Hobbits in year one and has been pushing them ever since. Thorin, i hear you need help with a breaking and entering. Can I recommend one of these little cunts? Silent as fuck, trust me. Elrond my dude i know you're skeptical but these four chucklefucks just transported a weapon of mass destruction all the way here. Theoden, you've gotta get yourself a hobbit man, I've got a spare one here. Denathor you big prick, take a hobbit - literally this is the bottom of the range but listen to him sing. Beautiful little bastard.

The mileage on this one is totally normal Elrond. Hey speaking of can I park him here for a while

why are all these modern aus for the Odyssey set in a high school. where's the retelling where Odysseus is just a guy lost in an airport who keeps missing his connecting flights home due to a comical series of delays and disgruntled airline employees

​this worked last night lets go for round two

I really need some good luck rn

hate when folk call the Sun “our nearest star” no you dweebs that’s OUR STAR! After everything she's done for you and you want to compare her to some lightyears away ass nobody called some shit like Guncho 785B? We're not spinning eternally around any old ball, we’re three deep in the window on board the Sol Train and she did NOT provide the catering, the itinerary and all the fuel to share credit with some two-bit Proxima Centauri hack. point to these nuts in a constellation while you're at it. i love the sun

can you tell the days are getting longer again

it’s very important to me that fjord is stupid hot. 20 charisma at level 4 hot. because he has No Fucking Clue the true extent of it. in fjord’s mind he’s like “yeah. I’ve gotten good at projecting an image. I can get people to like me or better yet, fear me. I’m good at this.” But what he doesn’t realize is that most people in a 60 foot radius want to sexually obliterate him. Fjord in a Trader Joe’s silently sweating over whether or not which bunch of bananas is the perfect level of underripe oblivious to the fact that he’s coming across as Sexy and Contemplative to everyone else while jester is standing by the cart and smugly preening because he’s HER hot anxiety ridden hunk

the thing about this specifically is that Fjord has 18 charisma right at the start of the campaign. The half-orc racial bonus puts points into constitution and strength. Fjord’s charisma is literally the maximum charisma score that a half-orc can have at level two. Travis rolled three sixes. In the base mechanics of D&D 5E itself, Fjord is the absolute hottest that a half-orc can be. he was Built To Be Sexy

Local half-orc confused about why people keep fainting when he smiles. More at 11.