journals de papillon de nuit

relapse.

i havent posted art on here yet. its way more of a personal thing; its my only healthy coping mechanisim.

Walking🌸About 200 cals an hour

Roller Skating🌸About 265 cals an hour

Walking Upstairs🌸About 395 cals an hour

Shivering🌸About 400 cals an hour

Jumping Jacks🌸About 440 cals an hour

Skipping🌸About 530 cals an hours

Running🌸About 400-1000 cals an hour

You can be healthy and happy

Thinness isn’t the solution at your problem

You can allow yourself to eat whatever the fuck you want, at whatever time

It’s strange but… you aren’t always, constantly tired and cold

You can have the thighs without the gap and be sexier than when you used to have one

Strangers stop you in the middle of the street because you’re more beautiful

You actually FEEL more beautiful

You don’t have THAT fucking annoying voice that tells you that you’re not enough and blah blah blah

You can recognise your emotions and coping with these feelings in a healthy way

You can workout if you want, but not obsessively and you aren’t forced by anyone anyway

You can stop feeling bad about every damn thing you do

The world is more beautiful

Your life is more beautiful

You can enjoy your friend’s company

You can go out with your date and have a drink without worrying about calories

You can focus better on important things

You can allow yourself a slip, but after every relapse there’s a recovery chance

You can study better

You actually smile more

…and actually cry less

You are allowed to be angry with anyone who made you feel bad

Perfection isn’t a real goal, happiness is

You can have that cookie. Or also that salad. Find your balance!

You can be sick at any weight, you don’t need to prove anyone

Fuck people’s opinion.

The very important thing is to be healthy and feeling okay with yourself.

You don’t need Ana’s bullshit to lose weight in a healthy way and you don’t need the Minnie Maud’s bullshit to recover in a healthy way. A good balance of food is the key.

Every person with an ed I’ve ever met was a special, unique, precious person. Don’t waste your life with this (seriously, I spent 4 fucking years into this and I’m mad with myself for that)

Everyone can recover

Never lose hope

You feel less depressed

You stop wondering when was the last time you truly smiled for something that was good for your soul

You can find inspiration in people that aren’t part of your family

You can be a volounteer in a lot of associations if you’re feeling better!

You can be an inspiration for others: not for your body, but for your personality, which is WAY more important.

You can have the energy for doing something that isn’t lay with hunger pains in your bed

Your life doesn’t depend by a number

Seriously, you’re so fucking much more than a number! You’re your feelings, your experiences, your moment of joy and sadness, your memories…

Actually you remember much more happy memories of your life and you don’t have that “black glasses” over your life

You can go out with family, friends or guy/girls and don’t feel ashamed

You actually notice that people don’t pay so much attention at how much they eat

You can stop counting calories

You can defeat your fear foods

You can have a normal life again

You can dream again

You can stop counting your steps

You can stop compulsive workout

Therapy, with the right therapist, works

You can get better

Getting better doesn’t invalidate your past sufferings

You can be scared of getting better, but it’s worth it

You can talk about your past and don’t be triggered

You can see a skinnier person and don’t be triggered

You can actually talk with people who are still suffering and trying to help them

You can talk with parents of people with eating disorders and tell them how to recognise destructive behaviours (purging, selfharming in general)

You can spread the voices against the stereotypes about eating disorders

You can talk with your family about what triggers you

You can talk with your family about your feelings about food and recovery

You’re allowed to seek help at any weight

You don’t need to have a certain bmi for being sick enough

You will never see yourself sick enough tho

You can improve your condition by your own if you can’t afford a therapist (it may be more difficult tho, but with your willpower you can do anything!)

An empty stomach won’t cure your depression feelings (and it took me years to understand it)

If you won’t accept yourself in general, you won’t accept yourself even when you will be thinner/fitter. Work on your feelings and thoughts about yourself first

When you say “not pro, just using tags”…. well you’re actually spreading ed things

It’s okay to joke about your behaviours, if it’s a first step to understand what’s not normal in general

You can be not “disciplined” and be fucking free of choosing what’s the best for yourself

You don’t need others to notice your suffering. You’re valid anyway.

Toxic people aren’t good in our lives. If you recognise a toxic relationship, run away. Even if it’s difficult.

Triggering persons aren’t good for us either.

You can have the energy for travel

You can have a job and earn enough money to do what you want

Actually a piece of chocolate in a bad day, can help you, like a light workout.

You have so much more friends!

You can go dancing at the disco and have a drink without thinking how many cals in/out.

You. Can. Avoid. Weight ins. They’re so fucking triggering and bad for your mental health. I got so much better when I stopped the multiple weight ins per day!!! It can be scaring, but I promise it worths it.

You can go to concerts!

You can have fun

You don’t need to sacrifice your hobbies

You can discover new hobbies and things

You can do beauty care instead of obsessive workout

There’s so much more you can focus on

Your grades get better and better cause you have more time!

You can be strong enough to beat the triggering persons

Once you decide you can do it, you actually can do it

Shopping isn’t about sizes, but about what you just like. It’s okay to don’t fit into everything and it’s okay and normal if things aren’t always loose on you.

Fasting leads to binges. Once you start eating normally, probably you’ll gain a bit, but then you won’t gain anymore and you won’t have more binges or crazy cravings at 2 am

You won’t spend so much time thinking about foods and cals

Thinking about food, cals and workout can be a coping way for avoid thinking at traumatic experiences and scaring thoughts. You can try to work on it in therapy.

It’s okay to ask help at your family

You can buy books about eating disorders and give them at your family/friends

There isn’t a certain “type” of person with ed. Not only white, skinny teen girls are anorexic for example.

You can’t see how sick you are now.

Later you’ll be horrified just thinking at how sick you were.

Things can get better

Doctors wanna help you

Tips and tricks are bullshit

COACHES AREN’T GOOD IN ANY WAY. Usually they’re persons with a extreme fetish for control and they will take advantage of you. Please stay safe.

Posting body checks is extremely dangerous. They can be used for catfish other girls or even for worse things…

In the end, you can be heavier (—> read: healthier) and so much happier in general

Here is my realistic diet goal for this summer:

(Week starts on sunday)

Week 1+2

Sun: 1000

Mon: 900

Tue: 800

Wed: 700

Thu: 1000

Fri: 500

Sat: 300

Week 3+4

Sun: 300

Mon: 500

Tue: 800

Thu: 900

Fri: 600

Sat: 800

Week 5

Sun: fast

Mon: 300

Tue: 600

Wed: 400

Thu: 700

Fri: 400

Sat: 600