#1 Stuart Little Hater

An important PSA to remember!

"Eyes are the mirrors of our souls"

Oh, I said. That’s unusual. Do you…..have middle names?

He looked back at me, and I swear to god I have never seen this level of resignation in a person - no, he said, and yes, it makes it worse. I made my sympathetic noises and sent him on to the next office, where my boss got to hear all about this as well - apparently the husband when they first met had thought his future wife was giving him the brush off, because he introduced himself and she responded “oh I’m [name], too” and then once he figured out she was telling the truth it was a little icebreaker, and that’s the last time it was beneficial for them.

They were free.

They were fucking free.

They were maybe ¢60 of acrylic yarn each at the most, and the whole ziploc bag of them took 2 hours max.

Three people gave me sad eyes until I took their money.

Someone who was clearly the mom friend of their group made me take a $5 and gave a 10 minute pep talk.

At least four more people insisted on getting change to pay for the, once again, free bracelets.

In spite of all these shenanigans, the absolute best was this one person who I can only describe as, “queer surfer dude who looks like a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend.” I can remember nothing of the outfit, only the impeccable vibes. I did the same thing I did with everyone else, explaining the bracelets were free, and they nodded along as they took the last 6 strand rainbow bracelet. As soon as they had it on their wrist, they pointed at something over my shoulder and, like a fool, I looked.

Next thing I know, they’re running off cackling, yelling, “YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME!” and I’m holding a fucking $20. I had to stop at least two people from chasing them, cause they thought the person stole something, and then they tried to give me money cause they thought it was funny seeing me flail over people being Too Nice.