Compassion Hurts

The Sculptor

To you, love is not a fixed concept. It is fluid and ever-changing, and we possess the ability to shape it around ourselves, and create rich lives filled with love of our own design. You revel in the breathtaking beauty of the concept of love. The way we shape its course in our conversations and our gifts, the things we do for one another and the thoughts we share.

tagged by: @jedilegacied

It took Jaina longer than she would have liked to admit to process what Jacen was saying. Tenel Ka’s child… his child… her brother, her twin, had a child she knew nothing about. How the kriff had he managed to lie to her and keep that part of his feelings from her for so long? It made a strange, uncomfortable sensation twist int he pit of her stomach to realize the gap between them had grown so deep but that wasn’t something she had time to process at the moment. Really, when did she ever have time to process the things that happened to her?

“I… it sounds like maybe you need to figure out an arrangement with Tenel Ka. Don’t get me wrong, I respect her but I think it’s stupid to try to keep that many secrets. They never breed anything good.” Whatever was going on between them, they needed to find a way to let Jacen spend time with his child. If Jaina had to go down to Hapes herself and have it out with their old friend she absolutely would.

“And if you’re worried that something’s going to happen to her… well, we’ll figure out what it is and keep her safe. We can do that.”

“You know how the Hapans feel about Jedi, about our family.  She’d be in more danger if people knew who her father was.  There was an attempt on her life before she was even a year old.”  He paused there, a haunted look crossing his face as he remembered what he’d done.

Jaina couldn’t help but to chuckle at Jacen’s comment. “Yeah but you should be prepared to lose said game,” she smirked as the snowball hit right on target. When his snowball came launching at her, Jaina tried to side step it near a building, but she wasn’t quite quick enough, seeing as it managed to hit her shoulder. “A misstep could cause you to lose in battle, you know!” she called out when she noted that he skidded a bit. 

  Tenel Ka’s gaze met his for a brief moment before she aimed her attention over his shoulder – anywhere but his eyes.

  “About what?” She asked, letting a moment pass before she elaborated with another part of the question. “Which part of…” She waved her remaining hand. “All this are you inquiring about?”

Jacen huffed out an annoyed breath and frowned at her, hating the way she avoided both the question she knew he was asking and his eyes.

“About...”  He stopped, not quite able to get the words out.  He’d just discovered his best friend, outside his twin of course, was actually the girl he’d been engaged to his whole life.  And there was no way she hadn’t known, unlike her he never lied about who he was.  He didn’t blame her for not wanting to be treated like a princess, but he still felt hurt that she’d never told him something that affected him so deeply.

     Lifeday and some Insurgent just had to lock down the Senate and get access to some vaults on the premises. Anakin engaged in combat with some goon and Defenestrate therm. Their body fell several levels and landing on a police speeder which promptly took fire from men posing as Senate guard’s. With the officer alive and on retreat Anakin shouted, “ Welcome to the party pal!”

“Maybe don’t harass the officers?  They already resent us enough as is.”  Jacen quipped as he slid into place beside his brother, lightsaber up and blocking blaster fire coming from their flank.  “Also; I thought we were just here for a quick errand, when did that turn into a firefight again?”

Jaina waited and listened, knowing that her twin needed someone to hear what he was saying right now. She felt like she lacked context for the conversation but she was trying none the less. For all that she was gifted in the Force and a capable Jedi, Jaina was not the one with visions. Uncle Luke, sure, ever her brothers. But Jaina? No, she was a servant of it’s will, but not someone the Force revealed truths to. She could only imagine what Jacen was going through.

What she didn’t understand was who he was referring to. Someone, a her, on a throne. Tenel Ka maybe? That was the only ruling monarch they both knew well. “Okay, no I get that. We don’t let people we care about tumble down the path to the Darkside in this family…” Never mind that Jaina had gone that way herself and been pulled back. “But… look I think I’m missing something here. Are you talking about Tenel Ka or…?” She very much missed the days when she knew Jacen’s thoughts without trying. Now he’d been shut off from her for so long she wondered if he even knew how to let her in anymore.

Jacen was shaking his head as she finished her question, taking a long drink of his caf to brace himself for speaking a truth that had been a weight in his heart.

“No, not Tenel Ka.  Her daughter.  Our daughter.  I see Allana, leading the universe into the Light.  Or into the Dark.  She stands on a precipice, and I don’t know how to keep her from stepping over the edge.  I can’t even be in her life beyond fleeting visits.  She doesn’t even know I’m her father, she can’t know.  No one can know.  It’s tearing me apart Jaina.”  His voice cracked, eyes burning with the threat of tears as he ducked his head so that his shaggy hair fell over his face.

@chrxnicempathy​ liked x for a starter

Jaina and Jacen were on the way back from a mission, which had been a complete success. It just so happened that it had snowed the night before they arrived on planet and Jaina was in a fairly good and somewhat playful mood. So she let Jacen walk a few steps ahead of her, before smirking and bending down to pick up snow. She formed it into a snowball, and launched it at her brother, whilst exclaiming “Surprise training exercise!” with a grin on her face. 

Jacen hesitated outside Tenel Ka’s room at Reef Fortress, not having seen a chance to have this conversation until now.  Biting his lip he took a breath to settle his nerves and then lifted a hand to knock.  When the door opened brown eyes found gray before he spoke.

It had been a long time since Jacen had wandered in to sleep on her couch, longer still since he’d asked her to keep a secret and called her by that name. But then, back then they didn’t have secrets. Not from each other. Her mind had been an open book to him and he’d rarely ever shut her out, either. Now things were different, less sure. But she would still keep his secrets for him.

She wasn’t surprised by the list of names he rattled off. She was used to keeping their twin secrets from their family, so she didn’t worry on that account. Zekk would be harder, not because she wanted to tell him things but because sometimes he picked up stuff with the residue of the Joining bond between them. She’s have to try hard to keep him out. As for Jag… she winced, shrinking in on herself. He might have been the only one she would have ever talked secrets to, because she knew he’d never spill them, but… that was before she’d gotten him killed. For a moment her attention was far away, expression a little haunted before she focused back on her twin with a slow nod.

“Whatever you want between just us will stay that way. Always has ever since we were kids.” She took a long, slow sip of her caf, trying to focus on one problem at a time. Jacen needed her, she had to help him first. The rest of her issues would have to wait.

Normally Jacen would have picked up on Jaina’s disquiet, set his own problems aside to pursue it so that he could help her untangle whatever mess she’d made of her heart.  But today his mind was elsewhere, staring back down at his caf again without really seeing it.