In proof that any competency can be hot here’s a story from when my beloved and I first started dating.
See, they were living in a house and had chickens in the backyard. The original chickens were called Salad, Parm, and Caesar which we can all agree is very funny. They were later joined by Tesla, Spirit, and Cecil who didn’t fit the theme but we’ll forgive them.
The owners didn’t clip the wings so the chickens were really just pets that flew the fence sometimes but largely respected their backyard borders. One of the chickens however was notorious for breaking containment. The jury is out on whether it was Tesla or Spirit but we’ll say Tesla as that was my recollection.
So one morning after I had slept over I was dressed in my nice work clothes, button up, vest, etc. ready to leave for work.
I kissed my beloved goodbye and walked to my car when I spotted the chicken in the front yard. I went back and tapped on the door. My beloved opened it back up and I reported, “One of the chickens is out.”
My beloved was getting ready for their day too and their face fell. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Oh? Well that’s fine, come here real quick.”
I scoped out the yard and pointed where I’d like them to stand then stalked toward the chicken. The hen turned her head warily and started to move away from me but then saw my beloved in her escape path. She decided to make a last ditch effort for freedom and bolted, trying to make a break under my legs.
I casually scooped a hand under her, slinging her upside down and holding her by her feet so she was forced to go passive in my grip. Holding birds upside down is like a cheat code to put them in a trance. I’ve learned since this can be risky as the blood rush can harm them in rare cases but holding chickens by their feet was like my entire childhood so apologies to all those past birds but we didn’t have any resulting injuries.
I looked back at my beloved, dressed in my business casual work clothes with a chicken dangling incongruously from my hand and said, “Not too bad, she just goes in the backyard, yeah?”
My beloved nodded. I casually tossed the hen over the fence and she flapped down to land amidst the rest of the flock with a disgruntled cackling sound.
I turned back for one last kiss and found my beloved starry eyed. “That was so hot.”
“It was!?”
“Yeah! You knew exactly what you were doing and you were so smooth! You made that look so easy and it would have taken me forever.”
I puffed up with pride and took my leave, mentally adding chicken wrangling to my list of sexy assets.













