blueberry matcha

this introduction is late but better late than never. 

hello hello! i'm excited to be here and am looking forward to interacting with everyone. this is na miran, former rich kid who, after getting cut off by her parents, has to support herself by being a nanny to chaebol kids whose parents supposedly don’t have enough time to take care of them. she’s a weird mix of really sweet and really catty. so interactions will all depend on how tired she’s feeling on that particular day.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i’m going to link her bio / profile / (wip) plots here, but i will also drop a more condensed version of na miran below. hit the heart and i will come bother you to plot. ^^

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING

"shit, i don't really know. if i’m going to call myself out and expose myself for my privileged past then i loved not having to work for anything. it was nice when all my clothes, food, accessories, and other things were paid by my dad’s money. all i had to do was shoving my head into books and get good grades. now i actually have to work for shit.” she grumbles, clearly upset for having to relives memories of her past. 

“nowadays, though... probably getting a full night’s rest? that or getting uninterrupted sleep. lord knows how annoying it is to be awaken up at an ungodly hour to make breakfast for hungry kids.” 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING

miran huffs, her lips curved up into a wry smile. her expression reads as mildly amused, though she finds herself feeling more and more annoyed as the seconds past. “feels like these days there are a lot of matters and people that upset me. but despite that, i have to hold back my anger because i’m not trying to be fired from my job.” she hums softly before beginning once more. “i think this was a like a week ago? one of my kids was asking her dad to attend her piano recital but he completely brushed it off and said he had more important business to attend to. it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but he blew up at his daughter when she kept on asking him to come.” she clicks her tongue, shaking her head in disappointment. “honestly, what is the point of having a kid if you’re just going to put your job over them.” 

truth or dare meme: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING

"sleep? i don’t sleep.” miran quips, half serious, half jokingly. “there are two scenarios really. the first involves me slumped over a desk with textbooks and papers lying everywhere. in the morning, my back always aches and i have the imprint of my laptop on my cheek.” 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING

 as a child, miran would’ve answered this question with her parents. then as she grew older she might have said it was her nannies since at times, it seemed like they were the only ones who actually cared for her. nowadays, miran doesn’t even know who she finds important to her. she sort of hates how the state of her life has changed her to the point that she values people based on how beneficial they will be to her. but maybe that’s really just how life is. “the selfish answer is me, obviously. the selfless answer is the kids i’m nannying. i would have to say it mutual between us though. these kids are important to me because they’re the reason i’m employed. as for them, i’m the only one giving them attention since their parents are off doing who knows what.” 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING 

“when i was younger, i thought that it was likely that i’d have kids of my own someday. my nannies would talk about their own kids and how they would do anything to make them happy and well cared for. even sacrificing time to be with their kids to take care of me. i wanted to experience that kind of unconditional love. that or give it to someone. now that i’m older and have a taste on what the real world entails, i have to say it’s not likely that i will have kids of my own.” lips pursed into a wry smile, miran listlessly shrugs. “it’s not like i have the time and financial means to take care of another human being. i’m struggling to finance my own life as it is.” 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING  

개천에서 용 난다 (from the stream, a dragon rises) 

“the explanation is simple. i’m hoping to live out the rags to riches story. though, i’m not entirely sure it can be called rags to riches when you were born with all the money in the world and lose it because of one mistake. even if i don’t end up as rich as my parents, i just want to get out of the cycle of perpetual debt and just be comfortable. i’m tired of having to look after kids that didn’t even come out of my own body.” 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING 

when he graduated, she probably gave him shit for going to snu because why would you go to snu when yonsei university exists? was she being biased because of her dad? yes. did she care? not at all. 

she grew up hating that her half siblings were so much older than her and never turned their nose in her direction. she probably is envious of his little sister for having a brother as good as sungho. 

miran had fully intended on opening up about her family issues the day they were going to meet up. she’s not sure how many children have the distinct honor of saying they convinced their mom to leave their dad, but miran was proud that her mom was finally taking the first steps in getting herself out of an unhappy marriage. she did worry that it would seem like she was dumping all her trauma onto him, but she thought he was trustworthy enough to know her family secrets. 

the first time she saw him again (without him knowing) was in early 2020. she was having a late night study session by herself at a cafe. when she realized that he was walking in, she slammed her head onto the table (yes, for the record it did hurt) and shoved her open laptop over her head so that it was covering her. she’s not sure if he ever noticed the weird cafe patron with a laptop as her hat but she’s never been back to the cafe since. which is a shame because she really liked their drinks. 

a few weeks after getting kicked out, she tried to drunkenly see him in his apartment complex to apologize for ghosting him but was kicked out by the front desk. if he ever wonders why a random female named marrissa was trying to find him, it was actually her. 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING 

“someone’s work ethics is important i guess. since i don’t find laziness to be attractive or particularly useful. loyalty would have to be be another quality. i think it’s a good trait to have considering so many relationships fail because of a lack of loyalty. and the last one... shit i don’t know. maybe kindness? or just generally having respect for people regardless of class, gender, and the other stuff. i’m sure one could argue that i’m missing or was missing a few of these qualities when i was younger. but do as i say not as i do.” 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING 

her relationship with kids is tumultuous at best. sure, at times they can show their unconditional love to their parents or caretaker. but they also cry so much it gives her a headache. and sure it’s cute absolutely adorable when they give her a big hug when she cooks them their favorite meal or shows up to support one of their extracurricular activities like a piano recital. but they also lash out and give her bruises when throwing tantrums. not to mention the fact that kids are parasitic tiny human beings that require an insane amount of energy to take care of. of course it’s not their fault that kids are pretty much helpless the first twenty or so years of their life. and it really isn’t their fault when they lash out to get attention or when they cry about things that upset them because their brains aren’t fully developed. with her stint as a nanny, the thought of having kids seems more and more unappealing. 

besides, she probably isn’t even fully equipped to have a child. she has no degree, has a job that offers no upward mobility, has no money to her name, and barely has enough time to dedicate to herself, much less a child. so really the answer should be easy. “unless something major happens to change my mind, i don’t want any kids.”   

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING 

“real talk here, i really don’t know.” what does it even mean to be in love? does it involve heart palpitations, sweaty hands, butterflies in your stomach, or aching cheeks from smiling so much? she doesn’t think her parent’s relationship was built on love because do you abandon someone when the fluttering emotions disappear? is it love when you make someone so desperate for attention that they ignore everyone else in their life?  did she find love in those short lived relationships she had a few years prior? miran just doesn’t know. 

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING

“that’s a surprisingly easy question to answer.  shabu-shabu. i don’t think i could ever get tired of it.” her fondness to the dish is largely because of nostalgia. she remembers being thirteen and her nanny taking her out to a shabu restaurant for the first time. miran is pretty sure they ate out because her nanny was too tired to cook a hearty meal for her after a long day. sure, they had to take an hour long bus ride there, but it gave her nanny some time to rest up. after that evening, she would constantly pester the elder woman to take her back. it wasn’t often that they could, but she cherishes those bus rides and awkward dinner conversations as they waited for their food to cook.  

"unnie, you don't understand jeon eunha is like the best ballerina ever. also her other name is gweneira. isn't that so cool? do you think i’ll see her today?" miran nods distractedly, muttering a quiet don’t call me unnie. i’m your nanny. and you don’t know her that well either so make sure you don’t use informal speech if you do see her.  the name eunha does make her pause in her steps; she can’t shake off the thoughts that she might actually know this person that jiwoo is raving about. then again, it isn’t as if eunha is an uncommon name, miran argues (mostly to calm down the storm in her mind). gweneira, on the other hand, is difficult to argue against.

despite her apprehensions, she lets herself get pulled towards the practice room because at the end of the day, this isn’t about her. she’s already accepted the fact (albeit begrudgingly) that her life no longer belongs to her. instead, it belongs to all the children that she gets paid to watch over. if she wasn’t so cynical, she would say her job brought her a kind of fulfillment that she never experienced before. but miran is cynical so her job leaves her feeling bitter more often than not. and so, miran finds herself escorting jiwoo to the ballet lessons that she had been begging to get into, because while miran has many talents under her repertoire, she knows close to nothing about ballet.

she scans the room after being dragged in, partly because she wants to make sure that there are no familiar faces and partly because she’s bored of waiting for the class to begin. at this point, she really could just leave jiwoo to figure things out herself but jiwoo’s mother explicitly stated that she had to remain by her side until the class started. she can’t help but wonder if in a few days she’ll hear from jiwoo about all the rivalries being formed and whose mother did what to make sure that their daughter was the best young aspiring ballerina. she knows that classes like this are the breeding ground for competition. her thoughts are interrupted by insistent tugging on her sleeve. she hears a hushed unnie oh my god that’s her and unnie are you listening to me. 

it started off like a regular day. she wakes up far earlier than she would like too, makes breakfast, gets the kids ready to go to school, drops them off, and then goes about her day running errands, making lesson plans, and buying food for the subsequent meals of the day. but every horror story begins with a normal day. miran’s horror story begins with a simple trip to a market.

the moment the two of them make eye contact, miran knows she can’t possibly run away. she’s quick to school her wide eyed look of shock back into something more neutral. she wants to make sure that it’s difficult to read her emotions despite the fact that they are now running rampant. there’s a voice in her head that is s c r e a m i n g at her to move. her legs however stay put where they are as if they were superglued to the ground. another voice, barely audible underneath her internal panic, tells her to stay calm. if she were to run from this interaction, she would only make herself look even more suspicious. so despite her panic, despite her fear of her secret being potentially revealed, miran manages to quirk her lips up into a small polite smile as she reaches down to grab the items that she dropped when she bumped into the younger female. 

“that was my bad. i wasn’t paying attention to where i was going.” she says after a few seconds of silence. there are conversations happening in the small grocery store but miran pays no attention to them. instead, she focuses her energy on trying to read mimi. while in high school, their interactions were not at all frequent. she remembers having admiration for the younger’s sheer drive to get a scholarship to hannam but other than that, the two of them barely interacted. her mind is running through various simulations of their conversations, trying to figure out if she could somehow weasel her way out of the situation without raising suspicions on why she’s here in korea and not at some prestigious university in france. 

(✃ . . . . . )

the last place he would have though to meet her again would be in a small grocery store, tucked away between residential areas. he had only stopped in for a quick bottled beverage on his way home from meeting a friend halfway across the city. he almost hadn’t, thinking he could survive the 30 minutes of his drive he had left but alas, his parched throat said otherwise. and so there he stands, eyes on the figure before him. “na miran.” this time his voice is stern, no longer hushed and raised to a tone that caused passersby to glance his way. three quick strides and he is standing right beside her, an arm reaching out to grip hers so as to not let her get away. not this time, not when he had been on the search for her ever since the first time he spotted her. “it’s really you, huh? you’ve got a lot of explaining to do.” his grip on her never falters, eyes only seeing her.

she seldom lets herself regret the decisions that she has made thus far because acknowledging this regret, to her, is an admission and acceptance of a wrongdoing. and as miserable as she is now with her current life situation, admitting that her method of choice for coping with a difficult issue (cutting everyone off and disappearing off the face of the earth) may have been wrong, would make her even more miserable. so miran squashes any urge to divulge more into thoughts of the what ifs and the maybe i should have. or at least she tries to. it’s difficult to keep these intrusive thoughts out when she’s lying in bed physically exhausted yet still unable to sleep. miran knows that she let her pride get in the way of asking for help -- of opening up to someone about how devastated she felt when her parents cut her off. years of friendship with multiple people down the drain because of her goddamn pride. was it worth it? she wants to ask herself. but deep down she already knows the answer to that. 

fully dedicating herself to looking after spoiled misunderstood children is another coping mechanism of hers. running around doing errands and discussing english literature keeps her mind off of the thoughts that may creep up. these tasks and errands are also the sole reason she is not stuck living out on the streets, so she feels extra motivated to do her best. she attributes this reunion and assumedly, confrontation, to the hyper fixation to doing the best at her job. had she been paying attention to her surroundings, she would have booked it out of the grocery store the moment she realized sungho was there, just like she had the previous times she had spotted him. who would have thought that she would get caught when she was debating between organic carrots or organic broccoli for dinner.