#chrhaseok

It’s a long abhorrence, scalding, one he nurses to a malleable perfection. Its particular use, however, was still undecided. Still as debatable as it had been since its inception, somewhere along his adolescence. He recounts himself almost festering amidst his unlit bedroom, this resentment a type of possession asphyxiating him tightly, cutting more deeply each passing schoolday. 

He suspects it’s because he remembers his original foray into the highschool. Still young enough then to be unassuming, innocent and openminded. A new attendee: he wanted friends, he had to reach out to make them. He ensured his own amicability, words fumbling, smiling nevertheless. 

A vulnerability. His hatred begins when he makes himself weak and doesn’t assess it as weakness. When he tries to reach out and doesn’t dismiss the thought as pointless. That moment recycling itself: stood stupidly at lunch period, working a wasted hope for social acceptance, maybe. 

Haseok tramples that.

The figurative stampede persists unrelentingly in a resounding murder. It’s repeated by the day, any mutual period change that might see them beside each other in a corridor. It never ends, evidently. It’s just a long pause, resumed when the superyacht they’re aboard proves uncomfortably small somehow. Small enough that they overlap, a brief collision seeing Sunan’s drink poured over Haseok’s shirt in a generous douse. 

“Fuck!” Glass put aside, hands padding about for some kind of tissue. “No, it wasn’t fucking deliberate. Don’t start with me, either. You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I care enough about you to try and ruin your fucking clothes at a party.” Venomous enough for a partial lie. “Maybe if you fucking moved instead of just fucking standing there — !”

truth or dare meme — status: CURRENTLY ACCEPTING 

her relationship with kids is tumultuous at best. sure, at times they can show their unconditional love to their parents or caretaker. but they also cry so much it gives her a headache. and sure it’s cute absolutely adorable when they give her a big hug when she cooks them their favorite meal or shows up to support one of their extracurricular activities like a piano recital. but they also lash out and give her bruises when throwing tantrums. not to mention the fact that kids are parasitic tiny human beings that require an insane amount of energy to take care of. of course it’s not their fault that kids are pretty much helpless the first twenty or so years of their life. and it really isn’t their fault when they lash out to get attention or when they cry about things that upset them because their brains aren’t fully developed. with her stint as a nanny, the thought of having kids seems more and more unappealing. 

besides, she probably isn’t even fully equipped to have a child. she has no degree, has a job that offers no upward mobility, has no money to her name, and barely has enough time to dedicate to herself, much less a child. so really the answer should be easy. “unless something major happens to change my mind, i don’t want any kids.”