a liar who couldn't pretend anymore pt.1
Summary: Reinhold just left his town in Saxony-Anhalt to find work in Berlin as a photographer. Caught between the new freedoms of 1920s Berlin and inner turmoil, Reinhold finds community in the one place for lost souls like him - the Institute for Sexual Science.
Tags/ Warnings: Reinhold Gräf, Babylon Berlin, no pairing (so far), period typical homophobia and transphobia, sex work mentioned tho not described (in later parts), some deliberate (and probably some accidental) historical inaccuracies, might be OOC
Author´s note: This is basically the backstory of Reinhold and how he even came to work as a forensics photographer in 1924, sprinkled in with some of my thesis research knowledge on Magnus Hirschfeld and his Institute. The title is from the song “Closer” by Woods of Birnam (the actor's own band, please check them out!). Also, this is my second fanfic ever, so please be nice! Longer A/N at the end of the fic.
Word Count: approx. 1810
Reinhold could have never brought it over himself to confide that certain detail of his romantic inclinations to his parents. His father, a staunch public servant, and his mother, a devout catholic, did not create room for that sort of confession. After all, telling his parents he wishes to go to Berlin for work alone almost brought his poor mother to fainting on the spot. His father's tirade on why he can't just continue to learn something proper like the other boys in his small town school that followed only hardened his resolve and validated his feelings that his village of Domersleben does not have a future for him.
With nothing much but a suitcase packed to the brim with clothes, his one Oscar Wilde book, whose existence his parents have been so far oblivious to, and his most prized possession, his Leica camera. It took quite the convincing to get his father to purchase it for him. He only got it after lengthy negotiations and the forsaking of upcoming birthday or Christmas gifts with his father ultimately giving in saying “this better motivate you for finishing school and with excellent grades, if you please”.
The goodbye itself was not too hard on Reinhold. If anything, he was impatiently waiting for his mother to stop her seemingly endless wailing and crying into her handkerchief. Quite frankly, he couldn't even make out what exactly she was trying to tell him. In fact, he thinks that most of what his mother was saying was not even directed at him, but towards his father. Saying things like, “they will corrupt our poor boy over there” or “Berlin is just like Sodom and Gomorrah”, as her last attempts to get his father to object at the last minute. His father, stone-faced as always, however, had not much to say. He didn't seem to intend to stop Reinhold at all. Probably the only reason his father even agreed to letting him go was that he probably thought this could be an adventure for little Reinhold where he can get certain experiences that will hopefully get him out of his shy shell and turn him into a man.
Luckily the approaching train brought an end to this melodramatic theatre and with one last hug from his mother and a firm handshake from his father Reinhold was finally on his way to Berlin.
….
Reinhold's new apartment was what you would expect for the price. As is common for people who move to the big city, the rose tinted glasses make every situation seem more ideal until the slap of reality brings you back. Luckily, Reinhold isn't at that later stage yet, and only the elated feeling of having escaped the authority of his parents, relatives, neighbours, and town is currently engulfing him, much to the point where he can't even hear how every door and floor tile is screeching at even the most minimal of contact.
Yet, as Reinhold was laying in his bed, which although it went unnoticed to him, led out a big cracking sound once he threw himself on it, the gravity of the situation slowly started dawning on him. Although he laid out a ‘plan’ on how he will make enough money to get by, it was plainly all humbug which he made up to ease his parents´ worries.
His plan for now is to round all the photography studios and show them some of the albums he made in hopes to be hired even as just a lowly assistant. In Berlin, beggars can’t be choosers. Still, he has the hopes to pursue his passion in photography. As long as he can be in the near vicinity of a camera or photograph, he will be satisfied. All worries aside, tonight Reinhold just wants to sleep. The job search will begin tomorrow and will be hard enough as is.
….
Reinhold wakes up to a strong migraine. He tells himself that it is not the stress of finding employment as soon as possible, but simply the exhaustion from the long journey of yesterday. First item on the agenda, get breakfast. Luckily yesterday on the way to his apartment, he spotted a café near the train station that seemed to offer a cheap breakfast. After getting dressed, packing his albums into his briefcase and a failed attempt at taming his locks, he left his apartment into the bustle of Berlin.
Before going to the café, Reinhold headed towards a magazine stand. Oftentimes in the general interest magazines employers publish job vacancies and, who knows, maybe he's lucky and a photographer is looking for an aide. At the magazine stand Reinhold took one Berliner Illustrated Magazine, but his eyes couldn't help but dart to one magazine located near the very right of the booth. With big bold letters it said “Die Freundschaft”, the friendship, and below in only slightly smaller lettering, the editorial article was “Celebrating five years of the Institute of Sexual Science!”. Having never seen this magazine in his hometown before, he took one copy to read more about the contents:
Die Freundschaft
Weekly magazine for enlightenment and spiritual elevation of the ideal friendship.
Celebrating five years of the Institute of Sexual Science!
＊ Fight for the abolition of §175 persists!
＊From the Scientific-Humanitarian Commitee to the Institute!
＊ Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld grants an exclusive interview!
All it took was these three numbers and everything clicked. Anyone with similar inclinations has heard of - and feared - §175. While Reinhold was still trying to puzzle the rest of the article's contents together, the vendor's agitated voice brought him out of his trance - “No reading without buying!”. Hectically Reinhold grabbed his purse from his inside pocket and reached for some coins, dropping some in the process much to the vendor's annoyance.
Wrapping The Friendship inside the Berliner Illustrated Magazine and carrying them under his arm, he made his way to the café. Reinhold deliberately sat himself in a corner seat where he could be sure that no one could look into what he was reading. After being handed the menu and ordering the cheapest breakfast available he carefully took a closer look at The Friendship. Reinhold was quite nervous about the whole affair when he really didn't need to be. Berlin wasn't like his hometown where everyone was in on everybody's business.
He first started reading the article about this so-called Institute of Sexual Science. Apparently, this Scientific-Humanitarian Committee, which was first founded all the way in 1897 by said Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, alongside other like-minded individuals, in order to campaign for the abolition of §175. They initiated several petitions and some were debated at the German parliament. Even one of the founders of the Social Democratic Party, August Bebel, sponsored one of the attempted repeals of the §175. Unfortunately all of the attempts had failed, but all of the committee's activities seem to have somewhat softened the conversation around this type of being.
Reinhold did not know how to feel or how to process this onslaught of information. In a way he felt elated, but also…angry? He came all this way to live freely and discover himself in the process, and yet, he can't help but feel saddened by how much of this he didn't even know. Obviously he knew that other people like him existed, especially here. But that there are groups who advocate for people like him?
Never.
All he ever heard from his family, his school and media that people like him were outcasts.
That people like him go against nature itself.
That people like him were indeed better off in jail.
That people like him should actually be punished worse.
That no one cared to what would happen to people like him.
Lies. All of it.
After all of these years of hearing the same script over and over again.
After all of these years of looking for answers one was too frightened to ask the question of.
After all of these years of not even daring to long for community.
That no one would accept him for who he is.
It's like life conspired against him. Like a mean trick. How could something so crucial be withheld from him?
Of course, rumors about Berlin's nightlife, its various clubs and the peculiar clientele that frequents them have even reached his hometown. Local newspapers warn about the ‘degeneracy’ of the capital and how the once great Prussian city is now overpopulated with ‘freaks’. Contrary to the original intentions of these newspapers, it made readers just as curious as appalled. Thus, more and more newspapers started churning out rather detailed reports about Berlin’s ‘sinful’ subcultures to get their sales up. It is true what they say - sex does indeed sell.
For better or for worse Reinhold's parents fell victim to these selling tactics as well. Oftentimes discussing these ‘scandalous’ reports at the dinner table. Regardless of Reinhold's own romantic or sexual tendencies, hearing a detailed police report on the busting of a pornography ring, followed by his parents' condemnations, was not something he needed to hear over a piece of Black Forest gateau on a Thursday afternoon.
Yet, Reinhold paid attention. For it gave him the valuable hint that there is a world beyond his home town. A world where people like him can just be. Ever so often Reinhold had to withhold a smile or smirk as his family discussed these stories, sometimes even faking that he was choking on a piece of cake out of pure ‘disgust’.
Still, what he just read was beyond his expectations. Reinhold was so fixated on reading the entire magazine that he didn't even notice the waitress placing his breakfast on the table or her questioning whether he wanted milk for his coffee, which accidentally gave her a rather rude impression of him.
After the section of the interview was an advertisement.
Not only the Institute commemorates its fifth anniversary.
Different from the Others celebrated its premier five years ago.
Thus in order to honor both, there will be …
Screening of Different from the Others at the Institute of Sexual Science!
Guest appearance of Conrad Veidt!!
Date: 10th July (Sat)
Address: In den Zelten 9A-10, Beethovenstraße 3
Free entry!
＊Limited seating - first come first serve＊
Although Reinhold had never heard of this film, both the title and the positive review of it made him set his heart on going. Reinhold felt oddly giddy and … nervous. Reinhold has never met people with similar afflictions. Is this anticipation? Or trepidation? Or both? Either way, for now he has to subdue his emotions. He needs to focus on finding a job. You can't really go out anywhere if you don't have an apartment to go out from.
Reinhold switched to the Berliner Illustrated Magazine and set aside The Friendship to the side of him - no longer concerned with who might take a look.
….
Author's note: English is not my first language, so I apologise for any mistakes or if the writing caused confusion somewhere. I'm also NOT a full-fledged historian, I just happen to research this era for my Bachelor's thesis. If you want me to clarify as to what is or isn't historically accurate, let me know! :)
