The year that taught me everything
For the last few days I've been reflecting over the last year. Thinking about everything I've done and things I've learned. Trying to figure out how to put it all in to words but its impossible to sum up everything with just words.
I've learned that words mean nothing. A person can tell you something over and over again but it can all be a lie. I learned to watch people and believe in their actions.
I learned that no matter how long you've known someone, you dont know them until you spend alot of time with them. I learned you you can fall in love with the idea of someone. With the romanticized version of them that youve created in your mind but in reality that person doesnt exist. You can "know" someone for 10 years and not really know them at all. I learned that the person you thought you could trust, the one you thought would never lie to you can speak nothing but lies. While I thought I would regret reconnecting with you, I dont. I cannot regret anything about the time spent with you. I needed that. I needed to find out who you really are so I could move on with my life and stop hurting the person who does love me. And without you, I wouldnt have been able to spend time with the two most amazing little people ever. My only regret is that I wont be there to watch them grow and that is because of you.
I learned that sometimes you need to take a step back from your life to see things in perspective.
I learned that you cant take things for granted. Especially your health. Love your people while they are still with you because they can be taken from you in a second.
I learned that having a couple of amazing best friends can keep you from going insane.
I've learned all of this and much more this year, but I think the most important thing I've learned is that when you break something, you try your damndest to fix it. This year ryan and I broke the hell out of us. We have hurt each other more than I thought you could ever hurt someone. We have said and done things that for some people could probably be unforgivable but when you love someone, I mean really really love someone, anything is possible. Almost anything can be forgiven. When you love someone, you do your best to right your wrongs and fix what you've broken. So that's what we're doing. We're fixing us. And with alot of hard work 2020 will see us happy and married for real this time.
All in all, 2018 was probably my worst, craziest, most stressful yet best year ever. I cant wait to see what 2019 has waiting for me.
