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Lately, God shows and makes me realize that I still carry the idol that I realized I have it 2 years ago, which is re****g***on. From that moment, I learn deeper about what is idol and how it comes. Idol is something that replace God’s position in your heart. God actually the one who control our heart, own us and His position is in the central of our heart. However we sometimes don’t realize that its not God anymore who become the central of our heart but our idol, and its so dangerous!.

Something very interesting that I learn today about idol is that idol actually coming from the unsatisfied heart with God. So, be careful with your heart!

Well, first of all I wanna say thanks to GOD my creator and savior who saved and blessed me along this 25 years. Today I really want to enjoy and experience God more, more and more because I know that this life is coming from Him and for Him. In this age, I really really understand that life is never about me anymore since I received Jesus as God and my salvation.

to remind me about my life and who I am and who God is, I read the psalm 139 which describe more about what God has done for my life. Even before I am in this earth, I’ve already in His mind. Beautiful isn’t it?

At the first few minutes of my new age, I thankful God for my life and this new age. He allows me to live for this long so far because He hasn’t done yet with me. He is giving me this life with purpose and He plan and hold my future. I also pray so that I can enjoy this special day with taking the quality time with Him and with people who I love.

So, I wake up this morning and remember about my age. Waw! I am getting more serious about this life. Sometimes it scary to think that I am already 25 but I dont want to see it as a burden or something scary I want to see it as a gift and opportunity that given by God to serve Him more and walk in His calling.

My phone is ringing and as usual, my family ritual for every birthday moment among us, start from my parent and my sister, we have a conference conversation on phone, singing birthday song and say some words and wishes. Then I get up and go to office. The day goes as usual and I though that there is no one at office know about my birthday but surprisingly they know and we celebrate my birthday with pizza party!

Then I go back to my rent room and I am so happy because I can have a lot of time with God, talk to HIM, hear Him, and enjoy Him. I am pretty sure that God want to speak something to me. I also have a deep conversation with one of my sister on phone, talking about what it means to trust God in your life because she is so worry about her study.

Then, the rest of the day I spend by talking to Him and hear Him. The word that I got today is about trusting Him as God who understand me more than I do. He says to me to give all my burden to Him and tell everything I need to Him. Because my life isn’t about me anymore, so He will take care for everything needed for His mission.

Well, this is the time that I say to God, that;

I am tired to walk in my ambition and living with my self as the center of it. I said many times before that I want to follow You, I want to live for you but actually I am still very arrogant and live with my ambition. I am actually still not ready or maybe I dont want if the path that God wants me to walk in is totally different with my own plan. I realize I am still arrogant, still selfish, still put my self as the center of my life.

Then God spoke to me clearly with very strong voice from September until this December, that I put my security in my job not in Him. I though that having a stable career and money will secure my life then I can follow Him freely without confusing about my life. Then God made me stuck, He closed the door that I tried to open, and its like He put me in the corner of a room where I can not go anywhere instead of just be still on His presence, pause and pondering about my life. That time I realize that He want me to seek Him first and abide in Him. Through prayer retreat where I pray and read Bible I can hear Him say about what it means to trust and devoted my life totally in Him. It such like you think you already trust God as God and your life center is Him but actually you dont realize that you yourself still become god for your own life and the center of your life. Sometimes, God put you in the critical situation where you cannot do anything instead of begging Him to help you. God also shows me this thing; When I think that I am really capable on something and I am so confidence with my self, He makes it not work as I though before. Then when I feel that I will not gonna make it because I am not capable enough for that thing, He actually gave it to me and I successful in it. Then I understand, He want me to realize about His power, that He is the one who control everything. Its not because my strength but because He allow that to happen. So how hard I am to make it happen and how confidence I am in it, it will not gonna happen if He don’t agree. That’s how God treat me lately because I am hard with myself and I am thankful for this moment actually because it means He wants to drive my life in His way. I am so sorry for this OH LORD

I said to God in this special day that I want to start my life again from the beginning. I want to trust Him, follow Him as He is my God and Savior and devoted my life for His mission. I learn God’s heart for the nations lately and it break my heart. I want to devoted my life, from this moment to be used by Him to know Him and make Him known among all nations. I am ready to have a new life and to leave my own ambition. Currently I am in the transition in having God’s desire to be my life desire, to bring an empty paper and ask God to write down whatever He want to write.It will painful somehow when God process you and you have to trust one thing, you will be a beautiful creation in His hand, if you trust and Obey Him (Isaiah 29:16 & Jeremiah 18:4). I will let you know how God process me and works in me so that you can learn about Him more and more!

One more thing, I also enjoy one beautiful song on this day and for me, its a new song for me. It tells me about God as the creator of this universe. I love all the lyric and I highlight some of the stronger words that speak to me personally.

God of creation There at the start Before the beginning of time With no point of reference You spoke to the dark And fleshed out the wonder of lightAnd as You speak A hundred billion galaxies are born In the vapor of Your breath the planets form If the stars were made to worship so will I I can see Your heart in everything You’ve made Every burning star A signal fire of grace If creation sings Your praises so will I

God of Your promise You don’t speak in vain No syllable empty or void For once You have spoken All nature and science Follow the sound of Your voice And as You speak A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath Evolving in pursuit of what You said If it all reveals Your nature so will I I can see Your heart in everything You say Every painted sky A canvas of Your grace If creation still obeys You so will I So will I So will I

If the stars were made to worship so will I If the mountains bow in reverence so will I If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I For if everything exists to lift You high so will I If the wind goes where You send it so will I If the rocks cry out in silence so will I If the sum of all our praises still falls shy Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion timesGod of salvation You chased down my heart Through all of my failure and pride On a hill You created The light of the world Abandoned in darkness to dieAnd as You speak A hundred billion failures disappear Where You lost Your life so I could find it here If You left the grave behind You so will I I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done Every part designed in a work of art called love If You gladly chose surrender so will I I can see Your heart Eight billion different ways Every precious one A child You died to save If You gave Your life to love them so will I

"I didn't want a minimal life. I didn't want to live on the outskirts of reality. I wanted to understand the main thing about life and persue it"

Well, it has been almost 6 months since the last time I was updating this tumblr. Currently, I have quite much time to write for this blog. Therefore, I want to share you my love letter that I was writing almost one year ago, when I was in Kairos camp.  It’s called “A Love Letter to God”

Dear God,

You know that I’ve been starting to think about my life calling since last year at 2015. You teach me patiently one by one until I feel I quite understand that my life isn’t about me anymore, but it’s Yours! Therefore, what I have to do with my life is simply is just doing Your will. I believe that You are the Creator who has a detail plan and purpose for every single thing that you created including my life. Then, what I have to do is to pursue the purpose of my life that already designed by You. It makes sense!

Currently, in Kairos, I can understand about Your grand vision for this world, which is to bring every single person in this universe who come from every language, ethnic, tribe, land, and nations to glorify Your name and make You the real King in their heart. So I am wondering how I can involve in Your mission? That’s actually my question in these last two years. Because lately, I am feeling that patiently, You take away my “self-center” perspective, changes it to become more God-center. I quite understand now what it means to be “Selfless”.

God this is me, just guide me what I have to do with my life and where I have to go. I know it’s a big thing, there is a big consequence for that. But, God opens my heart lately with showing many things. He puts the love for people among all nations in my heart, so that my heart not only for Indonesia but bigger than it, for the whole world. I can see the needs of people across this country. That’s why I feel lately what it means to become a global citizen not only as an Indonesian.

I just realized I have many experiences in development issues and I am so excited to do something which closes to empowerment, social and entrepreneurship issue instead of doing something for the sake of my pocket money. Then I also realized how God brought my parent into a very small village in West Sumatera where until now, it’s hard to find it on the map.

What I am doing in this last one year is collecting every single thing in my life that I’ve already had and try to understand what’s the meaning of that. I am really sure that God has something to communicate through all these things to me. It will relate to my life calling because  He has been preparing me to do what He wants me to do with my life. Actually what makes this quite complicated is my question “What is my role in God’s mission specifically?  How I can share the gospel to reach more people in this world to glorify His name? to finish the unfinished work.

Oh God, You know that I am an easy person. It’s easy for me to like something. When I felt that the system in the government is chaos and it’s really bad, then I want to go to the government. I also have high interest in development issues like Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs), youth empowerment and business as well. Moreover, I also have a big enthusiasm in international and political issues. My heart is wrecked when I watch or read about the war in the middle east, about the conflict in Korea, about refugee, etc. Then, I think, should I be a diplomat or someone who is working in a multilateral institution like UN, WB, INGO, etc? or maybe doing business as a mission so that I can bring the gospel while doing the business?. See? I am so easy to like something, right?

However, what I need is just God directions. Your heart is the most precious to me. It’s not about what I like anymore, it’s about Your calling. Everyone should glorify Your name so that the poor can say that they are rich and the weak say that they are strong because what You have already done for their life.

I found a very good and missional song! Very recommended!

“The Shepherd of my soul”

This is what I learn in 2016. Sangat kuat dan sangat keras! But very meaningful!