What I learn about God and about me in my new age?
Well, first of all I wanna say thanks to GOD my creator and savior who saved and blessed me along this 25 years. Today I really want to enjoy and experience God more, more and more because I know that this life is coming from Him and for Him. In this age, I really really understand that life is never about me anymore since I received Jesus as God and my salvation.
to remind me about my life and who I am and who God is, I read the psalm 139 which describe more about what God has done for my life. Even before I am in this earth, I’ve already in His mind. Beautiful isn’t it?
At the first few minutes of my new age, I thankful God for my life and this new age. He allows me to live for this long so far because He hasn’t done yet with me. He is giving me this life with purpose and He plan and hold my future. I also pray so that I can enjoy this special day with taking the quality time with Him and with people who I love.
So, I wake up this morning and remember about my age. Waw! I am getting more serious about this life. Sometimes it scary to think that I am already 25 but I dont want to see it as a burden or something scary I want to see it as a gift and opportunity that given by God to serve Him more and walk in His calling.
My phone is ringing and as usual, my family ritual for every birthday moment among us, start from my parent and my sister, we have a conference conversation on phone, singing birthday song and say some words and wishes. Then I get up and go to office. The day goes as usual and I though that there is no one at office know about my birthday but surprisingly they know and we celebrate my birthday with pizza party!
Then I go back to my rent room and I am so happy because I can have a lot of time with God, talk to HIM, hear Him, and enjoy Him. I am pretty sure that God want to speak something to me. I also have a deep conversation with one of my sister on phone, talking about what it means to trust God in your life because she is so worry about her study.
Then, the rest of the day I spend by talking to Him and hear Him. The word that I got today is about trusting Him as God who understand me more than I do. He says to me to give all my burden to Him and tell everything I need to Him. Because my life isn’t about me anymore, so He will take care for everything needed for His mission.
Well, this is the time that I say to God, that;
I am tired to walk in my ambition and living with my self as the center of it. I said many times before that I want to follow You, I want to live for you but actually I am still very arrogant and live with my ambition. I am actually still not ready or maybe I dont want if the path that God wants me to walk in is totally different with my own plan. I realize I am still arrogant, still selfish, still put my self as the center of my life.
Then God spoke to me clearly with very strong voice from September until this December, that I put my security in my job not in Him. I though that having a stable career and money will secure my life then I can follow Him freely without confusing about my life. Then God made me stuck, He closed the door that I tried to open, and its like He put me in the corner of a room where I can not go anywhere instead of just be still on His presence, pause and pondering about my life. That time I realize that He want me to seek Him first and abide in Him. Through prayer retreat where I pray and read Bible I can hear Him say about what it means to trust and devoted my life totally in Him. It such like you think you already trust God as God and your life center is Him but actually you dont realize that you yourself still become god for your own life and the center of your life. Sometimes, God put you in the critical situation where you cannot do anything instead of begging Him to help you. God also shows me this thing; When I think that I am really capable on something and I am so confidence with my self, He makes it not work as I though before. Then when I feel that I will not gonna make it because I am not capable enough for that thing, He actually gave it to me and I successful in it. Then I understand, He want me to realize about His power, that He is the one who control everything. Its not because my strength but because He allow that to happen. So how hard I am to make it happen and how confidence I am in it, it will not gonna happen if He don’t agree. That’s how God treat me lately because I am hard with myself and I am thankful for this moment actually because it means He wants to drive my life in His way. I am so sorry for this OH LORD
I said to God in this special day that I want to start my life again from the beginning. I want to trust Him, follow Him as He is my God and Savior and devoted my life for His mission. I learn God’s heart for the nations lately and it break my heart. I want to devoted my life, from this moment to be used by Him to know Him and make Him known among all nations. I am ready to have a new life and to leave my own ambition. Currently I am in the transition in having God’s desire to be my life desire, to bring an empty paper and ask God to write down whatever He want to write.It will painful somehow when God process you and you have to trust one thing, you will be a beautiful creation in His hand, if you trust and Obey Him (Isaiah 29:16 & Jeremiah 18:4). I will let you know how God process me and works in me so that you can learn about Him more and more!
One more thing, I also enjoy one beautiful song on this day and for me, its a new song for me. It tells me about God as the creator of this universe. I love all the lyric and I highlight some of the stronger words that speak to me personally.
God of creation
There at the start
Before the beginning of time
With no point of reference
You spoke to the dark
And fleshed out the wonder of lightAnd as You speak
A hundred billion galaxies are born
In the vapor of Your breath the planets form
If the stars were made to worship so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve made
Every burning star
A signal fire of grace
If creation sings Your praises so will I
God of Your promise
You don’t speak in vain
No syllable empty or void
For once You have spoken
All nature and science
Follow the sound of Your voice And as You speak
A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath
Evolving in pursuit of what You said
If it all reveals Your nature so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I
So will I
So will I
If the stars were made to worship so will I
If the mountains bow in reverence so will I
If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I
For if everything exists to lift You high so will I
If the wind goes where You send it so will I
If the rocks cry out in silence so will I
If the sum of all our praises still falls shy
Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion timesGod of salvation
You chased down my heart
Through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world
Abandoned in darkness to dieAnd as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I
Like You would again a hundred billion times
But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind