Hi Chief! Uhm, I don't know where to start. I just thought of making a letter for you coz I've been hiding something long enough. 2 months is so lame to hold on, that's why I'm letting it out through here so you would know. But first, let's start from when it happened. Haha english kaayo noh? Sige nalang gud. Basaha biya jud ha kay murag taas jud ni. Hihi :)
Ā So, at first, dugay ra jud kong kabantay nimo sa school kay sige kog kita nimo with Karlou Bael practicing table tennis sa stage ato pang wa gasugod ang construction sa new building pero I don't mind you a lot kay busy man kaayo gud. You captured my attention on a Saturday afternoon, wa koy sure sa date but that time, there's no class. Naa ko sa school kay preparation to for Lambigit and you were also there. Nagdula kag badminton ato and I was watching you from the parking area talking to a friend. Then, naka observe ko nga you were gesturing the racket a lot studying kung unsaon pag strike ang shuttle cock and I was amazed the way you play for the fact nga sa table tennis imong field. So, nangutana kos akong miga kung unsa imong ngan ang unfortunately wa sya kaila nimo. So, okay disappointed ko but still I'm holding on to it. Pag-uli nako wa na dayun ko kalimot nimo.
Ā On monday after I saw you playing badminton, sige kog hisgot sa room ug unsa jud kahay ngan nimo. Sige ra kog ingon nga "katong Criminology ba" then I've always describe you to my friends pero they don't have any idea. So, mao tong na create ang nickname nga "Chief" kay aside nga wa ko kaila nimo, bagay sab nimo mahimong chief puhon. Oh ha, compliment to. Hahahaha! So, wala, I failed on getting your name. Pero, sige kag labay sa room 308 kay dira raman jud akong klase. Inig labay nimo magtan-aw ra jud kos bintana and for that moment, my day would be complete. Inig labay sab nimo maulaw ko manawag sa akong friends kay sungogon unya ko. Sus na, akong dignidad unsaon nalang. So okay, I'm happy enough for that.
Ā Then there's one time when I passed on to the SAO Office and you were there wearing a varsity shirt with a surname at the back printed uhm "Denura" or "Danura" ba to. Di kyko sure ug ikaw ba jud to but I'm 70 percent sure, I guess, so didto na ko nangita sa Facebook. Wa man jud oy! Huhu nangutana na sab kos mga working sa Extension Office pero wa sila kaila man. So, I asked nalang si Lord. Ana ko nga ug di nako mahibaw-an imong name within 3 days starting ato nga particular day, di na jud ko. Char mura jud ug tadhana. Hahahaha!
Ā The next day, I went to Shanelle. Kibaw sab guro ka asa na? Oh, sa internet shop. Sa number 8 ko galingkod coz I was making my thesis. 15 minutes passed after I started my time when there's someone logged in at number 7. Wa ra ko ato kay lagi busy ko. Then, paglingi nako naka-uniform man dayun pagtan-aw jud nako ikaw man. Ohmyyy, ikaw lagi! Luh, unsaon ni. So, wa na, na-consious na kaayo ko. Then I saw sa PC nimo nga ga facebook ka pero duhhh, alangan mag tan-awon nako ang monitor ug ayo. Abi palang nga desperada na kaayo ko diri. Hahaha so mao, I didn't move, behave ra ko. But I kept on knocking the desk hoping to get your attention but I failed. Failure kaayo ko, hard to get kyka noh? Hahaha cheka ra. Dayun kay 30 minutes raman ka gagamit sa PC and then you left. So, wa na. Wa na sab nako nakuha imong ngalan. Hasula kaayo oooooy! Huhu
Ā Pero, on the next two days nakit-an na sab tika and you were wearing your uniform. You are so good on wearing your uniform. Pag uniform lang everyday bii? Haha aw nice raman sab tong magpolo kang muskwela but I prefer the uniform one. Hahaha! So, mao na to nakit-an na tika. Naa ko kilid sa hagdan padong sa library and I was talking to a friend then suddenly I saw you coming to my way. Kibaw ka, akong gitutukan imong nameplate hoping to get your surname. At least man lang naa koy idea. Sa akong ka near sighted, naklaro man jud nako ang "SAMARINTA". Ohmyyy! Ana dayun ko nga "Lord, this is it!" hahaha as in mura kog praning. Tabang!
Ā So again, kay kibaw naman kos surname nimo, I went to Facebook and again hoping I could find you. Actually, there's a lot of Samarinta out there and suddenly I found a picture of Superman with a name "Sam Samarinta". Mao na kaha ni? So, I scanned your photos and you were theeeeere! On the tag photos. Wait lang, pwede mag upload sab kag mga pictures nimo ha? Daghana para naa ra sab koy makita. Chaaaaar! Hahahaha! So, kadto na, naa na kos imong timeline and I was having a doubt to add you as friend kay helloooo, ako'y babaye noh. Hahahaha! But you don't even know me and I thought nga wa man sab mawala nako kung i-add tika. So, I took the courage with fighting spirit (char) to add you on the night after I found you on facebook.
Ā Sus, kay gi-accept man dayun nimo. My heart was falling to my stomach making hard and faster beats kay nakulbaan ko nga nalipay nga ambooot! Then you flooded my notofication with likes on my photos on and I was like, "Lord, sya najud kaha ni?" Pero duhhh, I reminded myself, "Deb, you are a gay and there's no guy who could probably fall for you in an instant. Don't assume!" oh diba, so okay pero nalipay gihapon kaayo ko. Hihi :) Then nichat dayun ko saying thank you as what you can remember diba? Hayyy! I was hoping to have a longer conversation with you pero maulaw naman kaayo ko. So wa nalang. Huhu :(
Ā Sugod ato, magtagdanay na dayun ta sa school. It's so nice to feel that a man whom I dream to be my friend would suddenly come to be sooo real. Mu "hi Deb!" na ka nako and kibaw kas feeling? Bastaaa, I'm sure naa man sab kay gi-admire and if that someone says "hi" to you, you will feel like your day is complete, right? Then, so as mine.
Ā Sagdi lang ko ha ug nakasulat kog ingani. I just want to let it all out. Hihi :)
Ā Then days had passed when the signing of clearance came. Didto na, I volunteer to the SSG Adviser that I will be the one who sign under his name since I am his secretary dayun gisugtan man ko. Everyday, I am hoping nga ako imong maabtan inig magpasign kag clearance. Sige kog tambay jud dadto mahapon para lang maabtan sab tika mulabay sa Room 308 basin naa kay tuyo sa opisina kay duol raman dadto. Hayyy! I really don't know this feeling. And the day that I'm hoping for came. March 15, 2016 at around 3pm gapasign kag clearance sa SSG Adviser nga ako ang ga-duty. Am I destined or what, pero Chief, ako jud imong naabtan. Huhu! That moment, pagkakita nakos imong ngan na-shock ko while in my head saying "is this real?" Then paghangad nako, I saw you smiling at me saying "Hi Deb!" Atay, kibaw ba kang gikilig ko ato? Yes, I was giggling inside. My heart was like in a war saying let it all out! Huhu pero kita ka cool ra kaayo ko? Oh, kay lisod pud mag kiat ko dadto abi palang nga takiroba na kyko. Char! But-an biya jud ko. Hahahaha! But the moment you left after saying thank you, as in kasyagiton kaayo ko nga I'm about to slam all the things I'm holding to the wall. I'm waiting for that very moment to see you saying "Hi" in front of me and I can't imaginge myself smiling while signing your clearance and I was sooo happy. Hayy! Tssss :)
Ā After dayun ato happy na kaayo ko. I posted something on Facebook saying that I got your clearance and hoping youāll have signature as remembrance tsaaars! Hahaha and then one night, March 17, 2016, before I slept, I went to Facebook to check my notifications and I scrolled the feed for awhile and then I saw you⦠changed your cover photo⦠with a girl whom I donāt know. I frozed! My phone almost fell from my hand and look at the photo enough longer. Yeah itās true. This is really my fate, I couldnāt get much of you and Iām going to accept it. It was supposed to be painful. So much that I might break a stone. But I didnāt coz I donāt want to. Sorry ha? Hihi L
Ā On the next day, March 18, 2016, it was morning. I went down from stairs duol sa SSG Office and you were also near there at the mirror, checking your uniform. Damn! You were so good at it. I took a glance at you for awhile and pretended like it was nothing. Pero kanang palayo na ko nimo nga hapit na ko naabot sa Room 112, I suddenly turn to your direction and watch you while walking backward. Bisag di kaayo tika maklaro kay ga suot kog contact lens, I can be able to see and feel you from a far that you were happy for something or someone. Itās okay. Di na ko maguol kay mugraduate naman ko. Di na ko kakita nimo. Hahahaha! Iām positive munang di ka dapat ma-affected. J So after ato, I noticed youāre coming as well kauban tong mga nag-unifrom sab nga mga Criminology students. So gadali-dali kog lakaw padung sa Registrarās Office and you were really coming. Thankful kaayo ko nga naabot akong amiga arun naa kunuhay koy kasturya while gapadung ka and I pretended like I didnāt saw you. But my heart was racing so hard coz thereās a chance that you might say āhi!ā pero wala diay. Hahahahaha! Naulaw ko lite. Huhu! Iāve always knew nga sige kag tambay sa Information Center so gasige kog tan-aw dadto pero gatalikod man ka coz you were facing the computer. Huhu! Chosss! Pero maygani gatambay pa ko dapit sa Campus Ministry then you went walking again going out of the gate and I told myself, āthis would probably be the last time that I will see you at school coz Iām not coming back!ā But duhhhh, mubalik pa ko hoy kay magkuha kog TOR.. Hahahaha! So, I just watched you from the CM Office and you went inside a cab and I canāt even say goodbye to you. Huhu but thatās okay kay dawat na nako tanan. Charot! Hahahaha :P
Ā Later, then, I realized that I don't have to feel this way. Why? Coz I know you're straight and I know you cannot fall for someone like me coz you are meant for girls and I know you'll be happy with a girl who could also complete your life as well.
Ā I really don't know why and how did I feel this way. As you can notice, I didn't say I have a crush on you. I only said, I admire you... a lot! Hayyy jusko tabang, ngano ni? Tsk! That's why I made this letter to let you know that I have this weird feeling and I am confident enough to give you this after my graduation coz you won't see me again. Hahahaha play safe right? Hihi :)
Ā Actually, I'm already complete without you. I can even sustain myself even if I don't have you coz I am single since birth and I think I'm use to it. I've only thought and imagined that my life would probably be so much better to have you. But that's impossible. Sooo very impossible! It's not painful to think about this stuff coz I already know what's gonna happen in the end. And I know my place that the life of a gay will always be the same on how it started with love.
Ā Thank you for the opportunity Chief! Having this feeling will always remind me that I didn't fail unto you, I just accepted my place. There's a life which is so big ahead of you, so be strong. Good luck on your journey Chief! Mwaaa :*
Ā PS: You have 2 options on what you are going to do with this letter.
a.) Tear it and pretend like this letter never exist kay basin gilainan ka or what.
b.) Keep it and treasure it like thinking nga panagsa ra ka makadawat ug letters. Maynalang naa kay basa-basahon ug kataw-an.
Ā Ā Ā Yours truly with love,