. . .

Oh no job for me thanks I just wanted to fill out this really long and condescending job application for you☺️

oh… so you’re mad at me just because i grew cold and emotionally distant and withdrawn for no reason? grow up

I hope they choose a new person to be me tomorrow I kinda don’t feel like doing it

If this happened to me I would never shut up about it. Nobody would be able to criticize me ever again bc I'd know in my heart that I am a good bird — the crow said so.

she b-blocked me...? ;_; but but I'm just a.. *suddenly eyes razor sharp* i am very evil

yes actually that is a knife in my pocket i am not happy to see you at all.

“i’ll be your sword” okay. and. and im the sheath right. nnghhhh,,,

If there were truly a God I’d have fucked a Xenomorph by now

And that’s not even mentioning how they’re basically made of rope anchor points and they come with an ovipositor and prehensile tale

I’m topping in case it’s not obvious

"i'm topping in case it's not obvious" called out to concerned onlookers from within a looney-tunes style cloud of whirling limbs & claws & sex toys

[new to sadism] I'm gonna hurt the blood out of you

i actually have an angel on both of my shoulders and no devil because i'm a morally flawless person and don't experience temptation, but it seems like my two shoulder angels maybe have a dom/sub thing going on because one angel clearly gets a kick out of interrupting when the other is talking to correct them and is super handsy all the time in such a condescendingly affectionate way, and the other angel always just gets blushy and flustered and goes along with it. which is honestly pretty fucked up because the submissive one actually gives better advice